A
female
age
30-35,
*lwayznd4eva116
writes:So i finally made it official with my best friend of two years. i really really care for him, he always makes me smile. he was a great friend, and i thought he would be an even better bf, but i guess as a bf, i have different expectations from him. i have only been serious with two guys in my life, and afted they didnt work out, i set my standards and refuse to lower them. i want my bf to be able to take me out to eat, and to the movies every once in a while. i dnt need him to pay all the time, because i have my own job. i also would like to get something once in a blue, like a teddy bear or a rose once in a while. maybe this is all my fantasy, but thats what i want. my bf is 20 yrs old and finished hs but isnt in college, nor does he have a job. before we got together, i nevr looked at that as an issue, but now that were together, im starting to rethink if i wanna be with him. hes a great guy, funny, caring, sweet, easy to talk to..so am i expecting wayy too much from my new bf??
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (19 November 2009):
 Well, you CAN go out with him. You would just have to pay.
As said, unless he is suddenly going to change (and waiting for a bf is a typical silly female thing to do), what you got is reversed gender roles. You work, he stays at home.
Old fashioned and modern at once!
But if you don't see that as a future for yourself. If you want to work at something and he just expects things to work out for themselves, then you might just be like two trains that depart the station at the same time, for a moment they pull up together but all the soon the express thunders away leaving the local to putter at its own speed.
There is a reason why most women go for older guys. Guys tend to grow up slower. I would say that in order to get a guy who is no longer dependant on his mommy and can motivate his own ass without constant nagging... oh wait, that never happens.
A
female
reader, alwayznd4eva116 +, writes (18 November 2009):
alwayznd4eva116 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Exactly, I ask myself those same questions. Like, myself personally, dnt like relying on anyone to give me money if im physically and mentally able to do for myself. He gets money from his mom I guess. So the only time we can go out is when she gives him money. Like it frustrates me that I cant even go out with my bf when I want to. He says hes looking for a job, but how can he be puttin in applications if he doesnt have money for a metrocard?? it doesnt make sense. and yeah, maybe i did lower my standards by deciding to be with him, but it was subconciously. as i said, when he was my friend, i didnt think much of him not doing anything with his life, but now that were together, i feel, embarrassed, kind of. that my bf doesnt have a life.
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A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (15 November 2009):
 Expecting your boyfriend to have ambition in life is not asking too much at all. It's not about the fact that he can't take care of you, but he can't even take care of himself. Is he in between jobs right now? Is he even looking? His tendencies now can definitely reflect his future. If he isn't even looking for a job at twenty years old, is he going to in the future? Laziness is definitely something to worry about.
Unless you are willing to be the one working all the time, then this is something to worry about. I really think that in modern day society, that both couples should be working in the entire dating process. That shows that they are able to provide for themselves and aren't focused on relying on someone else to take care of them.
So no, you aren't expecting too much from your boyfriend. Even if he doesn't want to go to college (which he should), then he should go to work. Remember though, you can't change anyone, and if this is who he really is, you just need to reconsider being with him entirely. I know personally as a woman who is going to college and into a field that would be enough financially for me and my boyfriend to live off of, I still want him to work. It just shows that he has motivation and ambition in his own life.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy +, writes (15 November 2009):
So, you set your standards that you refuse to lower. So how did you end up with a guy that doesn't meet your standards?
Lowered them after all, didn't you?
Let's see, he is twenty, not in a school and not got a job.
So, what does he do? Where does he expect money to come from? Does he expect this to continue the rest of his life?
To be sexist, what you are describing is a woman. So, if you want the reverse the gender roles (you being the breadwinner, responsible one/ he the home maker) then you two might be able to make it work.
But I think most people are stuck in the old gender roles and that is that the man should at least have an income and a goal in his life.
It is your life, what is it you want?
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