A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello all! There is a guy who likes me a lot but is not the same race as me. He is such a great guy but I only see him as a friend because I dont date of my own race. I dont know if this sounds racist, because I dont think I am a racist. I have nothing against other races and cultures, but I am not phyically attracted to them. He asks me why I wont go out with him and I dont want to hurt his feelings so I say that I want to be single for now. I mean he is super nice and treats me well but I am just not physically attracted to him, and for me the attraction always has to be there. Should I tell him how I feel? Am I being racist? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, django  +, writes (26 January 2009):
"I say that I want to be single for now" - that's just not true. To me a statement that by no means is true is a lie. Your mileage may vary.
I meant that there is no need to bring races into what she says or what she thinks - if she's not attracted she's not attracted. Believe it or not, I manage basic reading.
A
male
reader, The old Man? +, writes (25 January 2009):
 To django Respecting lies??? She didn't lie, she may not have kicked him in the gut and said "I don't find you attractive", she said NO, and he should accept that! She does not owe him any explanation as to WHY she doesn't want to go out with him.It's simple, he asked, she said no. As far as bringing race into all of this, read the title of her post!..............................................................A male reader, django Heard Island and McDonald Islands +, writes (25 January 2009):The old Man?: Respecting lies is not my idea of a 'great guy', personally.I think you should just tell him that you are not attracted to him, see him as a friend, and would love to keep him as a friend. If he can deal with that, yay. If he can't, so be it. But telling him you "want to be single for now" is just lying in his face. No need to bring races into all of this.
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A
male
reader, django +, writes (25 January 2009):
The old Man?: Respecting lies is not my idea of a 'great guy', personally.I think you should just tell him that you are not attracted to him, see him as a friend, and would love to keep him as a friend. If he can deal with that, yay. If he can't, so be it. But telling him you "want to be single for now" is just lying in his face. No need to bring races into all of this.
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A
male
reader, The old Man? +, writes (25 January 2009):
Honey, Don't fall into the trap! Society has us all sitting on needles and pins that if someone of another race does something that we don't like, that we are being racist!
You said yourself, "I am just not physically attracted to him".
It doesn't matter if he is black, white, yellow or red. If you aren't physically attracted to him, You aren't physically attracted to him.It's that simple!
Stop blaming yourself!
If I asked you out, and you wern't physically attracted to me, yet we were the same color, would you still feel guilty? No, you'd just tell me no, and that would be that.
He is the one being unfair to you by asking "why"? It almost sounds like he is trying to either lure you into saying it's because of his race, or pressure you into doing something that you don't want to do!
If he was that GREAT of a guy, he'd respect your answer.
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