A
female
age
41-50,
*lo
writes:My husband and I have been together 20 years. We have 2 kids. He wanted to take a job 3 yrs ago that would require him to travel away from home alot. I begged him not to. He did it anyway. Now, of course, he's become a different man. He criticizes strangers and makes fun of people with mean comments. He is all about his time to himself. He quit helping out around the house whenever he is home. He thinks that I am talking negatively about him to our kids. I try to let him know what they so when he's not there. He says they couldn't say some things because they are too young to catch on to stuff and I must be telling them these things. I have written the 3 page letter pouring my heart out, receiving no response. Emails to the same effect. Lots of talks. All over this last year. I have purchased self improvement books/programs. I have tried to change the things I do that he has said he doesn't like. He hasn't done one thing to try and change the things that I let him know bother me. I've sent cards, flowers, purchased gifts for no reason. He has done nothing. We are suppose to be working on building a stronger marriage, yet he says because of how I react/act to everything, makes him not want to talk or try. He wants me to do or not do things, yet he won't give me the same courtesy. He even argues in front of the kids (I keep quiet and let him go on). Now he's cursing at the kids. I don't know what to do. His whole personality has changed. He admits that but doesn't think it affects us. How can I get through to him what he's doing? He's been caught in so many lies, it isn't funny. He accuses me of "talking" to someone when I'm not. He says if I suggest anything he will purposely not do it because I'm being controlling. He used to appreciate my help in trying to take some or the stress he claims is on him away. I don't know what to do. He says, he wants to be a happy family again yet his way of trying is doing nothing except me changing. Help......I don't want to lose the only man I've ever wanted. I am tired of accepting his behavior and trying to meet his needs when he doesn't care about trying for me. He broke my trust and does nothing to gain it back. Any suggestions would be appreciated. How do I get through to him?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2008): uh-oh.... this sounds like a classic cheating man. This is a very strong tell-tale sign that he's doing something funny behind your back. Get him to come clean with you!
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