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female
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*osy_cheeks
writes: Hi, could really do with some constructive feedback as I'm having a hard time trying to work out what my boyfriend is really feeling.After an incredibly rocky beginning, things have been going well with my BF, been meeting his friends, we have planned to go for a weekend away together. I've known him ages and we've been involved for nearly a year, but have only been a proper couple for the last 4 or 5 months, so I guess it is early stages. Anyway, Friday night hadn't seen him for ages as he had been on holiday, so was really excited. I missed a pill so went to get the condoms on his windowsill, I knew there was 2 left, and there was only 1 in the packet.I was really calm when he came in and just asked him about it, because I had to, I don't want to be a mug. It later transpired that when he was away his flatmate had let some of his friends stay in the room, but me asking him about the condoms lead to a bit of a row, as he didn't know what had happened to it and couldn't explain. He said he hated the fact I thought he had been with someone else, but I said I had to ask, as he would in the same situation. I know I am slightly paranoid, but should I have just ignored it?He started asking me how I felt about him, and I said I liked him etc but wasn't going to feel scared to talk to him about stuff, and wasn't prepared to be taken for a fool. I asked him how he felt about me, and he said he likes me, but spends a lot of time feeling guilty. I asked why, and he said because he feels like I like him more than he likes me! That really pissed me off as I thought we were having a nice time together, and he said he feels like he is the one in control all the time. I mean what do I do about that, start giving him a hard time?Anyway it carried on and he said he's still confused over his breakup with his GF last year (they were together for 4 years) and sometimes thinks he still loves her, except then he remembers the bad stuff. I asked him if he saw me and him working out, he said he didn't know. Then I asked him if he wanted it to, and he said he never wants to go through a breakup again. Not exactly reassuring!We did make up and then the rest of the weekend was lovely, and when I left on Sunday he apologised again for the argument. But since I've left his house what he's said has been going through my head. I feel pretty insulted and just wonder whether I am being a fool for staying with someone who feels guilty about the fact I like him! I don't think I can change as a person, and maybe I'm just going to end up getting hurt.I can't work out why, when the way he acts is so great, he has to come out with these things. Am I wasting my time, should I just get out now before I get more involved and get really hurt?:-(
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2006): Why would he feel guilty? That is extremely important to figure out what he has been doing or thinking.
Before we broke up, my ex said the two things to me as what your boyfriend said to you.. He feels guilty... and that he feels like he is always in control... Fix those things, or you might have a surprise happen. If you cant then leave him.. (I don't mean to be obvious) Somthing is going on, you just need to figure out what it is.. Good luck.
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