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4 months after breakup I'm still feeling desperately sad

Tagged as: Breaking up<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 January 2012) 6 Answers - (Newest, 5 February 2012)
A female United Kingdom age 51-59, *affron45 writes:

Hello Everyone

I'm new to this site and really could do with some help.

I split up with my partner 4 months ago. He wanted to break up with me and I was devastated. (we were both in our mid forties). We were together for 5 years and for most of the the time we were very happy. We didn't live together but that suited both of us.But basicly he'd had enough of me and said I wasn't for him but thought I was a lovely person.

My problem is that I still think about him constantly, miss him all the time, hope that he'll change his mind and come back and I cry nearly every day. I'm on anti depressants which have helped a little. Should I still be feeling this sad and down? I can't ever imagine being with another man or moving forward which. I hate feeling so desperately and utterly sad everyday, day in day out.

I do try to keep myself busy but nothing seems to help me stop thinking about him and the lovely times we had.

Can anyone tell me when I will start to get over this horrible feeling.

Thank you for reading this.


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A female reader, Miamine United Kingdom +, writes (5 February 2012):

Miamine agony auntFor me staying on Dear Cupid helped... also dating again after a year gave me back my confidence. How long will it take.. who knows it depends on the person. For me it was many years not months, but then we were together many, many years.

The heart will heal eventually. Everyone will tell you the same thing, time will heal all eventually, there are no quick shortcuts.

The dreams were the worse... yukk

Keep talking about your feelings, keep busy, stay away from alcohol, don't date until your stronger, remind yourself of why your a great person, he told you so, and what you will eventually offer someone, once the grieving process is over.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2012):

Hi. I am in the same boat. I was with my fiance for 10 years.

Out of the blue, I found out he was cheating on me. It has been a desperate time. He blamed me. Said I always put my children before him! (They are 20 and 16).

He had been really horrible for a long time but I still find myself missing him and wondering where he and his new love Jenny are and what he is up to.

She is the total opposite from me. I can't believe what has happened some days and other days I am ok. Strange, but people tell me I am missing the companionship more than him! This is probably true but like you, I can never imagine being with anyone else. Again, everyone says that I won't be on my own, but it doesn't help! I really, really understand. Just keep writing on here and I will always answer. Being able to talk about it and get all your emotions out is good. Keep going, it WILL get better.

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A female reader, twiggy63 United Kingdom +, writes (17 January 2012):

twiggy63 agony aunthi saffron i am in the same boat as you having recently split with my fiance of 4 yrs...i cant function sleep etc and finding it so hard to keep him off of my mind.....i so wish things could be different but he has a lot of issues from his past and childhood that i cant help with,and yet he has said he will go for help but as yet has not and now we are both sad and apart,we both love one another and i still cling onto that one day it will come back to us....

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2012):

To still be feeling utterly devastated after four months is quite normal according to 'me'. I seem to need a whole year to feel happy and normal again. I don't seem to totally get over a love for three years. After that, I no longer feel anything for them. It will probably be a roller coaster ride. Some days you feel like you are finally coming to a good place, then the next day you feel like you will never laugh again. If you hear of him dating someone new, you may have to greive again. As much as you probably just want to stay at home in bed or read or watch tv, I have found the best thing is to get out and do something with friends/family. Exercise is wonderful. I have also found my 'thinking' very important. Things like "I am strong" "I have so many wonderful things happening in my future". Unfortunately it can take months to get over the heart ache, but you DO MEND...eventually... and when you do, you emerge a better stronger happier woman.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2012):

You think you were mainly happy, but he obviously wasnt. There is no straight cut answer for this. Only time will heal you. I would not rush off into finding his replacement, I did that one and it fails. I would have no contact whatsoever, it will slow you down. 5 years is a long time so it will be difficult, but things do get better.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2012):

I would imagine the shock alone of him ending it was bad, after 5 years of being mainly happy. Its no wonder your still 'grieving' for him and the relationship.

Give yourself time, your on anti depressants so they will help. You have to plan things to look forward to, a day shopping, a weekend away, even a holiday, if you can afford one. Anything that stops you looking back so much. Anything that spoils you.Be kind to yourself.

You will get him out of your system,there is no time-scale we are all different.Just be strong.

Good luck x

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