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A threesome with my wife & her friend was great! Now for the same with my mate...

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Question - (10 February 2005) 9 Answers - (Newest, 27 January 2011)
A , anonymous writes:


A few weeks ago my wife let me fufil a fantasy I had had for a long time: a threesome with her and her best mate. It was great and we all had a great time.

Now she wants me to return the favour and wants me to arrange a threesome with me an my best mate, who she likes and gets along great with.

Unknown to my wife, my best mate fancies the ass off her and always tells me how lucky I am.

Now the tricky bit is how to ask him about doing this and how to act after the event? Also, I would rather watch him making love to my wife without me taking part as it seems a bit gay to me. Would this be fair on my wife as she kissed and had oral with her best mate in my threesome.

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A female reader, Miamine United Kingdom +, writes (27 January 2011):

Miamine agony auntTalk to your wife and establish the rules of the game. If she's keen on seeing man on man action, then it's probably fair to try it, because she tried it for you. If you don't like it, then stop and say it's not your thing. Seems your both open minded and willing to experiment, so don't worry about what is "normal". You might like it, you might not. Your wife may say she thinks it's disgusting and doesn't even want you to try.

Once you've agreed on what is possible, then invite the friend. Best to suggest what has been agreed once your in the bedroom. Your all adults, if he feels uncomfortable with anything, then just like you or your wife, a polite "no thanks" is all that is required.

The main thing is to set your own rules and keep your activity private and fun for everyone.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2011):

So if your wife started this whole thing, I would venture that she has fancied your friend for some time, and *does* know that he fancies her. This is just some back-door (no pun intended) way of getting your blessing/approval of the whole thing. It leads me to believe that she may have already had or planning a fling with him, and is in-effect formalising this into your marriage. But again, this is only if your wife started all of this.

Now, if you raised this whole fantasy thing first, this doesn't negate the possibility that she may fancy your friend, but doesn't prove it either. But it does mean she wants her "pound of flesh" (or 180lbs of flesh!) in return for a helluva favour she just granted you.

Whether it's gay or not? If you kind of get a "thrill" from seeing him without your wife, you're probably gay, or at least confused.

If you don't get a thrill from your friend solo, but get a thrill from you and your wife and him together, then you're probably not gay, unless you enjoy touching him or get all affectionate with each other, because the latter would be gay.

If you just want to watch him and her get off, well, you're a cuckold, but you can't say you didn't see this coming.

Your marriage could get a little confusing for a while. I hope you are both long-term committed partners that love each other to bits, because you need to work through the way you are going to approach the natural jealousies, possessiveness and possible angers that this may provoke.

Good luck to you.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2008):

Please don't,

i wanted this to happen to my wife and now it has cost me my 26 year marriage

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2008):

I think you should join in and go with the flow sex with a man or a woman is sex when your in the moment it will be great. Just go with it and do what she wants you to do

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2007):

I had, have the same feelings. I'm currently trying to figure out how to make this happen too.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2005):

Turn around is fair play.

You have an obligation to repay the favor and join in the fun. You're lucky to have such a willing woman, treat her right.

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A reader, Starr, writes (12 February 2005):

It is not in my jurisdiction to judge any ones action's but you were not thinking about how your wife felt about doing lesbian things to satisfy your fantasy.Now that the tables have turned you are second guessing what is moral and what is not.Does the phrase "be careful what you ask for" come into mind yet? She has done something for you and in return she wants you to do something for her.It seems to me that you've opened up a whole new can of something on yourself.You can't tell her no if she wants you to join in because that won't be fair.Maybe she'll let you slide with just watching but as far as how to feel or act after the fact, all you can do is accept it like she has done.If for any reason you begin to feel differently toward her and your best mate you can only blame yourself for that.This is why some fantasies should stay fantasies.

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A reader, David, writes (11 February 2005):

The main problem with these multiple involvements is that, although at the time they can be wild and exciting and better than you fantasised, they are fantasies made real with the real people. And this reality can't be controlled in the same way a fantasy can. Real feelings and emotions come into play. Relationships are build on levels of trust and understanding and these can be pushed out of balance by introducing other people.

You obviously realise this as you are worried about 'how to act after the event'. Understanding that 'after the event' is a time period that will last as long as the memory.

I know a couple very well who put forward the idea that they have a very cool open relationship. They even try to convince each other but I know only too well that reality is twisted with insecurities and jealousy.

I was asked one night after several drinks if I would like to join them. My pal, the husband, didn't want to seem 'uncool' about the idea but I knew he wasn't as into it as his wife, who's original idea it was. I turned down the offer on the diplomatic grounds of 'it isn't my kind of thing'. They can do what they like, I am no prude, but I didn't think it was worth the possibility of ruining two good friendships and possibly damaging their relationship with how we would ALL 'act after the event'.

I think that is the key, it is always to do with what people are honestly comfortable with. You say you would not be comfortable 'taking part', (maybe your pal wouldn't be comfortable with taking part in any way). Your wife was comfortable kissing and having 'oral' with her pal but that doesn't mean you have to be if the situations are reversed. Just because she may be into the idea of her having sex with another guy doesn't mean you have to be. You use the word 'fair', it is not fair on anyone if they feel uncomfortable with something especially if the consequences could possibly be disasterous! Your wife will understand if you explain how you feel.

To help prevent any problems only deal with 100% honesty. Be honest with yourself. Be honest with your wife. Is it worth jeapordising long term freindships and a marriage over a night of passion? Remember all decisions lead to actions and all actions have consequences.

Hope this helps.

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A reader, Kiv, writes (11 February 2005):

What you do with your wife is your business and no one elses.

Set boundaries. Find out what she expects of you in the experience. Fulfill her fantasy as best you can without doing something you can't live with.

How should you go about it? Explain it the way it is. Ask you mate to help you fulfill your wife's fantasy with a threesome. Afterwards? Assuming you have as good an experience as before, it's just that. Great experiences that you and your wife shared. Jealousy will ruin everything and cause problems between the FOUR of you.

Both of you should understand the limits of your endeavor. Talk about it and decide if it's something you'd like to do in the future. And under no circumstances, agree that it's okay to do anything without the other knowing, or being involved. That's cheating no matter how many times you've "adventured."

As far as the gay part, at worst it a bisexual activity. It doesn't mean you're gay, unless of course you decide you like being with a man. Then you get to deal with that in a whole different question. Try having her describe her fantasy in more detail. Maybe it's as simple as being with two men at once, in which case you wouldn't even have to touch him or even look at him. If she wants to see some activity between the two of you, refer to above, "Fulfill her fantasy as best you can without doing something you can't live with."

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