A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey, I'm really concerned about my self respect now. I just started talking to this guy for about two weeks now, but I met him in my class. We went out on a date, and chilled and talked for a little while. But not enough to know each other. And today, I went over to hius house for the first time, and one thing led to the next, I ended up sleeping with him. I told myself that I was going to wait for this one and get to know him. Because honestly, I wasn't attracted to him at first, once I found out he had a car, THEN I was attracted to him...Shallow I know.! But I don't even know who I am anymore. I feel like I have no self respect but I know I'm a beautiful young lady. I'm intelligent and funny, I have a lot going for me, so why would I disrepect myself like that? And on top of that, I'm still missing my ex. We stopped talking about three months ago but I miss him as if it were yesterday. I think about him all the time and I just wish we were back together. Was me sleeping with this new dude just a way to find a way to forget about my ex? How can I bring up my self esteem because obviously I need to do that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, you guys are right. & yes, I spoke to him already. I told him that it wasn't supposed to get to that point and he said he understood. He apologized for anything he may have said that made me feel disrespected. like we still talk, but we haven't done anything since then. I think he's a really nice guy, tha opposite of who I would usually talk to, so I want to give him a chance to prove himself before we move on.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2010): Sex is act that can and should be powerfully bonding to a relationship. Thus, I recommend waiting until you are married. Unfortunately, this one night stand may really want more. You need to be clear with him that you don't want a relationship with him and that you're sorry you allowed things to go that far. If he is hurt, which he may be, you can apologize, but don't continue in this relationship just because he is hurt.
Also, your esteem is very important. If you want to wait, as you implied, then make that decision and act on it by not putting yourself in situations that can lead from one thing to another. Men really want to have sex if they can, and you may respond - it's what humans do. Thus, if you want to wait, don't put yourself in situations where it can happen. Your value is not based on mistakes and poor choices but in who you are and how God made you as a young woman. Try to get to the point where you are healthy and clear about who you are before entering into another relationship or returning to the one you miss.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 May 2010):
 Don't be too hard on yourself. Everybody makes mistakes. You were vulnerable after the break up and wanted to recapture the feeling of being loved,desired and cherished again. Now you know that a one night stand is not the solution and will not repeat your mistake.
What can you do to boost your self esteeem ? Well, that would be a long story,because you want a quick fix while instead we kive in a world where for centuries women have been accostumed to assess their own value depending upon how much or how fast they can attract a male.
You know, in Italy we have a famous scientist,called Rita Levi Montalcini-she just turned 101 ,btw. She won a Nobel prize, and she is a Senator of our Republic. She is also an
important testimonial for reasearch about genetic diseas, and she is a talented and acclaimed painter. You know what a lot of people would say :Yeah,she's all that,but...she never got married, never had kids,never even lived with
anybody .
So,I'd say what you can do is...anything that reminds you
that you are a beautiful,unique,valuable,precious woman ,whther you have a mate or not, whether some guy wants to get into your pants or not.
Like,if you are the feminine type, celebrate your beauty and be a little narcissistic, -but for yourself,not for men. Go buy some outfit that you love, or visit a hair salon- until you love what you see in the mirror and don't need to reflect yourself in a man's eyes to find validation.
Or if you are a competitive type, pick a sport and become really good at it.
Or master new intellectual skills,explore artistic leanings.
Anything- as long as it reinforces emotionally what you already know intellectually : You are just great the way you are. With a bf or without.
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