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writes: On a worldwide scale, alcohol abuse directly accounts for almost two million deaths. With drink related disorders, such as cirrhosis of the liver, murders, and assaults running into tens of millions. You can find many more statistics on the internet, but little published on the effects of alcohol problems in relationships. With many people suffering from the effects of mental and physical abuse.The victims of someone who is dependent on alcohol know full well that their partner is usually in denial that they are drinking in excess. There are several steps that they can take to help the alcoholic and themselves.If you or someone you know is affected by alcohol problems in their relationship,a, Stop all rescue attempts; You must stop covering up, or making excuses for the alcoholic. They should be confronted by the fact that not only are they seriously damaging their own health, but their actions could also be affecting their job, partner, and family members. Discuss the problem, when they are in a sober condition, of the damage done to the home, and the lives they have affected. For some alcoholics confronted with the evidence of their actions is enough for them to seek help.b, Are you part of the problem?; Are your actions having a detrimental effect, causing the alcoholic to continue to drink excessively. Have you been blind to the fact that your attitude, or your behavior has turned them to drink.c, Give ultimatums; Explain to your partner what actions you will take if they don't seek help. Be prepared to carry out those threats, not as a means of punishing your partner, but explain that you are no longer prepared to put up with what they are doing to you. That, for the sake of your well-being, you will have to consider drastic measures to make them take action.d, Seeking help ; Provided your partner agrees, look to a sympathetic family member or friend who would be willing to talk to your partner about their problem. Book an appointment with your local Alcoholics Anonymous, and go with your partner. You can contribute to the discussion with other recovering alcoholics, and so try and convince your partner to join the recovery program. You could try and convince them to see your doctor. This might be an easier route, as your partner will possibly feel more at ease with someone they are familiar with.e, Help for you; You don't have to go through this on your own. There are organizations that assist the victims of problem drinkers, either for the partner or family members. There are also many web sites that have information that can help you to understand more about alcoholism. Type in 'alcohol abuse' in the Google search box and you will see several organizations that not only provide useful information, but also practical advice.Don't suffer any longer behind closed doors. It will take courage for you and your partner to take the first steps to turning your lives around.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): I totally disagree with almost everything you said.
Alcohol addiction is NOT a "we problem", it is a "them" problem. Whoever is the alcoholic is the one with the problem. Never again would I even think to try "dealing" with an alcoholic. In fact, I wouldn't let myself get emotionally involved with one in the first place - even just as a friend.
First and foremost, they are fully aware they are messed up, and how they have chose to "deal" with that, only temporarily helps them and hurts everyone else around them. I have yet to meet a "stupid" alcoholic.
The only way to deal with an alcoholic, is to NOT deal with them at all. How dare you even suggest anyone be "a part of the (alcoholics) problem". It is not your problem, my problem, or anyone else's problem. None of us NEED to be an alcoholics "conscience", counselor, tough love coach, or guide to what's right. People who do need to be in those types of relationships, have way too many of their own issues to deal with.
The ONLY way to "deal" with an alcoholic, is to NOT deal with them at all. Walk away. IF, and that is a big "if", they decide to get their lives straightened out, then maybe try a relationship. Alcoholics and relationships are not compatible - period. I still can't believe you actually think anyone should try to make them in to something they can't be.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2010): I think the most important and hardest part of a relationships like that is to know when to walk away.
It can be very difficult to do this because there's always a feeling that it is the alcohol and not the person that is the problem.
Set a time limit. A time limit of a few weeks or months and stick to that. Do not deviate and in that time try and help if you can but at the same time start setting in motion everything required for you to leave. It is very important that you so this.
Look alcoholism is not a disease it's a choice and an addiction. An alcoholic can choose not put the bottle to their mouth, yes it may be difficult to overcome the urges but it's not impossible. If they keep choosing the bottle you must choose to leave. That's that.
Sometimes leaving is the wake up call they need other times they just go deeper down but either way you can't look back or blame yourself for any of their behaviour.
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