Just freshly broken up and I want to date some new girls... but how do I start?
Q. Hello I've recently broken up with my first ever love. I'm still deeply in love with her but she has lied and kept things from me throughout our relationship. Even today she still lies to me. Unfortunately I still have deep feelings for her, but I'm ...
A. 19 August 2005: A relationship breaking up is tough to cope with at any time. Growing to accept that a preson you cherished and the future you envisioned with them is a painful, but necessary process.
In my experience, that break up of your first relation... (read in full...)
I thought we'd get back together eventually. Now my ex has a new girlfriend and I'm gutted...
Q. I broke up with my boyfriend of 6 years in February, we had a silly row and let it go on too long. We have tried to stay friends since and meet for drinks now and again and talk on the phone weekly. I always hoped we could get back together. I was ...
A. 18 August 2005: Even though you and your ex split, you evidently still held hope that you might get back together. Now it has been confirmed that the reconciliation isn't going to take place, you are grieving all over again, for the loss of your hopes, dreams and ... (read in full...)
I'm tired, I'm depressed and my grades are slipping because I just don't care any more...
Q. Hi. I am a sixteen year old girl, and for as long as I can remember, I had always been the best student in class, teacher's pet, straight A's etc. However for the past two years or so, my grades have started slipping badly. I just feel like I c...
A. 18 August 2005: The adolescent years are some of the most difficult, for children and parents alike. At the moment you have a lot of obligations to yourself and your family to deal with. You are in the midst of intense studying and your family are putting demands ... (read in full...)
Never been so mad in my life. Should I tell him off?
Q. My life has been a living nightmare ever since my boyfriend of 3 years and i broke up 2 months ago. I've been hearing so much about him, and all my friends knew for over a year and just tell me now. We had a long distance relationship for 2 years ...
A. 17 August 2005: Break ups go through a variety of emotions- devastation, confusion, anger, intense pain and confusion to name but a few. At the moment your agony is being heightened by discovering that the man you fell in love with never existed. You must feel ... (read in full...)
My ex wants to try to work things out, but I've agreed to an "on-paper-only" marriage to someone else!
Q. Could you please help me? I have to make some very tough, life-changing decisions that will also greatly affect other people. I've consulted psychics and now I thought I'd consult craigslist. thank you so much!!!!! JACK: 30-year-old bart...
A. 17 August 2005: If there is only one piece of advice I can give you it is: Do not get married this weekend.
Marriage is a holy sanctity, it is undertaken by two people who are deeply in love with each other and truly want to devote the rest of their lives to... (read in full...)
What can I do to stop my bad habit of ogling other women?
Q. I've spent my entire life hoping to find my girlfriend and feel like the luckiest man on the planet having found my one true love. We were to be married last Saturday but she called it off a while back. We're still together and hoping that one day ...
A. 16 August 2005: Looking at the opposite sex is a perfectly natural part of life. Appreciating an attractive person is normal. One quote I always remember is "When you stop looking you're dead." However, there is world of difference between an appreciative glance ... (read in full...)
My "friend with benefits" moved to my city, and now it's very hard to get over her!
Q. Okay, I'm really curious about this one, this question is slightly long, but bear with me: I was in my last relationship for 1 1/2 years...I've been in pretty serious relationships before, but this is the one that has been the most serious and...
A. 16 August 2005: Wow, what a job you have trying to figure out this girl! You must have completely adored her to allow her to continue treating you appallingly after you have parted.
She seems to have some major psychological issues here. She is a substanc... (read in full...)
Help me decide if I should leave my partner...
Q. Should I leave and be with someone new? I've been with the same man for 5 yrs, my first love. We have a child togther but lately all we do is fight and he is verbally abusive towards me and brings my self esteem down. I feel that we're falling ...
A. 16 August 2005: It sounds as though you haven't been getting on for a while now. I assume from your message that you have already tried speaking to your partner about the problems you are having, and the sadness that you feel? Does he know what effect his cruel ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my best friend that I'm in love with him?
Q. Hi, I am a 16 year old woman and I've been in love with my best friend for a while now. He's 20. I'm not sure if I should tell him and risk our friendship if he doesnt feel the same, or if i should keep it to myself. Please help!...
A. 15 August 2005: You obviously have strong romantic felings for your friend. I think that you should have a quiet word with him, however don't be tempted to blurt out "I love you!", if he doesn't have the same feelings you may destroy the friendship.
Perha... (read in full...)
Loved her more than life itself, and I just can't get over my ex!
Q. Starting to go crazy now :( A few months ago now, my fiance left me. And as you could probabily guess, I was devastated. I love this woman more than, well, life itself. The reason she left me was because my depression was too much for her ...
A. 15 August 2005: Throughout the relationship, you have obviously idolised this girl and made her happiness the object of your entire life. During the time you spent with her, you could temporarily forget your problems, wrapped up in love and adoration for her.
... (read in full...)
Is it my trust issue, or is there more going on with my fiancee and her new friend?
Q. I am 31 years old, and I've been seeing my fiancee for over four years. We were supposed to be getting married in October, but due to our current problems, we've pushed it back to next November (2006). One of the reasons for our pushing it b...
A. 14 August 2005: You are absolutely right to have concerns about your fiancee's behaviour. This isn't you being overly emotional, her actions are downright suspicious.
Examine the facts- she stays out until the early hours, they have a secret messaging code and... (read in full...)
Nothing serious is going to come of this... but maybe I should leave before things get complicated.
Q. Hi, I'm a teenage guy who is seeing this woman who is a few years older then me. We are not going out or in a relationship as such, but we meet up and go on dates and when we meet up it is usually great fun. She lives in my county, not far away, but ...
A. 14 August 2005: You need to ask yourself what you actually want out of this relationship. You have said that you are aware that nothing will come out of it. Is this yours or her choice? Also, you say that you are "teenage" without revealing your age. Bear in mind ... (read in full...)
Just when I'm ready to leave, he comes back and persuades me to stay!
Q. Dear Cupid; I've been involved with a married father of two for over two years. He is now seperated and has custody of the kids. We've had a very off/on relationship (at his choice). It runs in cycles. Just when I begin to move on in my li...
A. 14 August 2005: In your heart of hearts you already know the answer to your questions. This man has absolutely no respect for you whatsoever and will continue to treat you like this and leave you dangling on a string for as long as you will allow him to.
You h... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is shopping for another girl online... while we're still together...
Q. I recently found out that my boyfriend of seven years has been spending a lot of time on the local chat lines. He has also been on the internet and has an add running in all the online personals. He has never been an affectionate person,but in his ...
A. 13 August 2005: I'm sorry, but what an absolutely dreadful excuse for cybercheating on you. Why on earth does he feel the need to search for physical affection when he is dating a loving person like you?
And what man would actually admit to his long-term girlfrie... (read in full...)
My boyfriend of 6 years doesn't seem to care any more. Is it time to move on?
Q. My boyfriend of over 6 years recently decided that he needed to take a break from our relationship to find out who he is. He said he wasn't sure if I was "the one" because I'm the only person he ever dated. He also said he felt as though he was ...
A. 13 August 2005: Of course you're feeling despondent about how your ex. Six years is a great length of time to date somebody, and naturally in that period you have begun to make plans for the future and for settling down with this guy. For him to suddenly drop a ... (read in full...)
Would I seem like a stalker if I asked his friend for his email address?
Q. Hi, About 3 months ago I worked with a guy who is about 10 years older than me. We saw each other enough times so that we would stop to chat in the corridor but after 3 weeks he left to move to another job. I thought nothing more about it un...
A. 12 August 2005: By the sounds of it, you and this guy have a great chemistry between you. If you don't get in touch with him you will probably be left wondering "what if?"
Two weeks isn't too long to leave it, after all you reacquainted recently after he'd lef... (read in full...)
I don't feel I can ever look good enough for him, because he always says something negative about my appearance!
Q. hello I have been dating my boyfriend for a year and a few days now. He is four years older than I am. He's a great person overall and I love him very much. He always shows me a lot of love and so I feel very loved by him but I have one problem...
A. 12 August 2005: A loving relationship should be exactly that- relationships should be a pleasure, not a chore. A partner who truly loves you will not unduly criticise your appearance or behaviour, but will be supportive, helpful and lift your spirits when you are ... (read in full...)
My sister's boyfriend almost raped me and I'm afraid to see him at school!
Q. I'm 14 and recently I was almost raped by my big sister's 16 yr old b/f. My sis had to go to the shop and we were left in the house ourselves in which time he kissed me. I pulled away immediatly and asked what he thought he was doing. After constant ...
A. 12 August 2005: This is a gravely serious matter. This person has not only attempted to rape a minor, he has also betrayed the trust of all of your family. He is a potential threat to your sister and indeed any girl or woman and you must take action.
I can unde... (read in full...)
I'm nice to everyone, so why do I have this horrible reputation with my girl mates?
Q. hey ppl... My problem's strange. I'm a 16 year old girl, and when I was younger I had loads of girl mates but now I have none. Girls just seem to hate me and I cannot figure out what I have done to deserve the title 'stuck up cow'. I mean I'm nic...
A. 12 August 2005: Teenage girls do tend to go through a stage of being bitchy. It isn't out of malice or intentionally hurting you, it's simply the adolescent process of maturing into an adult. It sounds as though these girls don't seem to have the maturity that you ... (read in full...)
The new guy and I have lots in common, but I still have feelings for the ex!
Q. OK, I went out with this guy for a week, then he told me he would rather be friends. I was upset, because I really like him and moved on. I met another guy, and we have so much in common! But I feel bad because although he hasn't officially asked me...
A. 11 August 2005: Well, you did only date for a week- that's not really any length of time in which to become properly acquainted with a man. How long ago did you stop seeing him? Was it very recently or a while back? If it was a long time ago, he may not have been ... (read in full...)
There's always a new excuse for his drinking and pot-smoking. Am I overreacting?
Q. I really need help to figure out if I am overreacting to my boyfriend's drinking and pot use. He drinks or smokes pot every single day, sometimes both, especially on the weekends, but not exclusively on the weekends. He does not, and never has had ...
A. 11 August 2005: No, you are not overreacting. Any behaviour which directly effects a person's health, safety or personal relationships is a problem which needs to be addressed. Your boyfriend is obviously aware of your feelings about his substance abuse. He has ... (read in full...)
Once my boyfriend got re-acquainted with his ex, he disappeared from my life!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year. We had a very up and down relationship but he says he loves me and honors me but he doesn’t feel extreme. Our major problem was that he was in love with his ex girlfriend for 7 years she was ...
A. 11 August 2005: His behaviour is completely despicable. You must be feeling shocked, heartbroken and completely confused. The fact that this split was unexpected means that not only do you have to come to terms with the break up of a close relationship, but you are ... (read in full...)
My friend said our bond was "sick". He's 90 and I'm his carer.
Q. I work as a carer for a 90 year old man in his home. We have, over time, formed a special bond and are in love. He wants to get married but I can't face telling my family as I recently confided in a friend who said the relationship was 'sick' and ...
A. 10 August 2005: I can completely understand how you have created a bond with this man. You have a relationship where you are mutually dependent upon each other, he for the physical care you provide him with, and yourself for your emotional needs. It is perfectly ... (read in full...)
He bought me a car to make up for the lack of attention and care...
Q. My boyfriend and I have been living together for 13 years. For several months now he has treated me more like the maid than anything else - no physical attention or kind words, he sleeps on the couch (because his snoring is so bad) and snaps at ...
A. 10 August 2005: Your boyfriend doesn't sounds like a particulary bad person, just a little thoughtless. I'd be interested to know whether his behaviour has changed to being selfish recently, or whether this pattern of behaviour has always been present? You have ... (read in full...)
Breaking up was probably a good idea, so why do I feel so bad?
Q. I know people always say, "time's a healer" and "you made the right choice", but after I left my partner of 3 1/2years, 1 month ago, I still feel as if it was the worst decision I ever made. I left him because he would never make me a priori...
A. 7 August 2005: Of course you are hurting. Break ups rip you apart, you are facing a new life without a constant that you have become accustomed to. Not only are you mourning the loss of a loved one in your life, but you are also adjusting to a new status as a ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is a changed man and I wonder if I should go back to him...
Q. Dear reader I had an affair with a guy a few years ago. My boyfriend at the time was cut up over it, so I justified what I did by staying with the guy I had the affair with. We ended up having a child together. He is very bitter at life and neve...
A. 6 August 2005: Without sounding cliched, "the grass is always greener". Yes, your ex has moved on. He must have been awfully hurt by your behaviour. A wronged party will often compensate for their loss by showing their ex just how successul, pretty etc they can be ... (read in full...)
He's been playing up in chatrooms and by text, so I beat him at his own game!
Q. I've caught my boyfriend cheating red handed. What should I do? I have been with my boyfriend now for just over two years. We live long distance (abut 2 hours away) and there is a 13 years age gap between us. That never bothered me or him well h...
A. 6 August 2005: I'm terribly sorry for you. What a lousy guy! Sadly the ignored phone calls and odd behaviour are the classic signs of a cheat.
He may not have actually met up with any of these online ladies, but his behaviour is still cheating- and not only once... (read in full...)
Didn't like his possessive, controlling ways, so I left. Now I'm thinking I should go back...
Q. I still want to see him, I miss our sex. I left the relationship because I couldn't take his possessive and controlling ways, plus on top of that verbal abuse whenever we fought. I can't but help miss him though, he wants me to come see...
A. 6 August 2005: Naturally there will be moments when you miss your ex. He was a huge piece of your life, for better or worse, for a period of time. Missing his friendship and companionship is perfectly natural, and you will take time to heal.
However, he is es... (read in full...)
He's very secretive when he talks to his ex...
Q. Dear Cupid, I am seeing a guy that is 13 years older than I am. I am 21 and he is 34. We have been together for a year and a half. I love this man more than anything in the world. But lately I have been questioning his level of commitment. He ...
A. 6 August 2005: I think that you need some honest answers from this guy. You don't mention whether you have actually spoken to him about his relationship with his ex, and the fact you're aware that he messages her secretly. Have you confronted him with your ... (read in full...)
I want to move on after our break up, but it's so hard, seeing him with other women!
Q. I am 26 yrs old, and my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me 2 month ago. It's been 2 months and you would think that I would be able to start moving on with my life and accepting the break up, but I can't. He was an actor and is now in a band, ...
A. 4 August 2005: I'm so sorry that you are hurting. Break ups are always extremely painful, and that hurt is only heightened if the person you loved suddenly begins moving on with their life, having recovered so fast from what for you was a terribly traumatic time. ... (read in full...)
No text, no call in three days. Will he speak to me again?
Q. Please help, me and my boyfriend argued and he was very angry with me. He said he needed time to think. This was 31st July and I have not heard from him since, no text no phone call, nothing? I have not text him or rang him as everyone has told me ...
A. 4 August 2005: It all depends on what his track record is with regards to getting in touch with you. If he texts you constantly and rings you several times a day, then obviously his behaviour is out of character and suggests that something is wrong. If on the ... (read in full...)
I wanted to win him back as a free woman, but then he told me he was seeing someone!
Q. I have lost the love of my life. Six months ago I finished with my lover after 6 years because I was married. I didn't contact him for 2 months then decided after all this time I couldnt live without him. I contacted him and he said he wanted t...
A. 3 August 2005: Wow, how things have moved on at such a fast pace! So you've been seeing this man for 6 years whilst you were married, then you've broken up and within 2 months he has found someone else? Obviously you cannot expect another person to wait for you ... (read in full...)
I'm feeling taken for granted. Is this grounds for a break up?
Q. I'm 19 years old and I've been dating a guy for about 7 months. We've been having some trouble lately & things have become beyond complicated. The relationship started out perfect. After dating for about 2 months he told me he loved me, he's nev...
A. 3 August 2005: It seems that you are putting all the effort into this relationship without actually gaining anything from it yourself. A loving, trusting relationship consists of compromise and of making the other partner happy. Any relationship that continues to ... (read in full...)
I had too much to drink and I think I embarrassed us both at his mate's wedding...
Q. Over the weekend just gone me and my boyfriend of nearly three years went to one of his best mate's weddings. I was so stressed about the day and buying an outfit before hand but we sorted that out and he helped me. We got to the wedding and it w...
A. 2 August 2005: It must be agonising for you at the moment, not knowing what the state of your relationship is. Your boyfriend is obviously angry at your behaviour, and is taking some time out to cool off before he speaks to you again. As heartbreaking as it is, ... (read in full...)
We're broken up, but he tells me he can't picture life without me. What's going on?
Q. I have just recentally broken up with my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years. I am 26 and he is 23. We lived together for a year. Even though we broke up we continue having a friendship and also have sex on ocassion. I have tried talking about our ...
A. 2 August 2005: You are obviously feeling pain and confusion over the break-up of your relationship. Obviously you were (and possibly are still?) very much in love with this guy.
Sadly, the relationship has now ended and his selfish actions and mind games on... (read in full...)
Love meeting guys, but I get so nervous before dates that I sometimes even cancel!
Q. I would love Bev to answer this please, and of course anyone else willing to help. I am a 17 year old girl and I need some advice. I have no trouble meeting guys and getting asked out on dates; however when it actually comes to these dates I ...
A. 1 August 2005: Dating is nerve-racking, I've just recently started dating again but I'm having great fun with it!
On the first date I attended I was ridiculously nervous, even though I wasn't particularly interested in my date. Being in an unfamiliar place wi... (read in full...)
I don't feel the same about my girlfriend any more. How do I break up gently?
Q. I am a 20 year old male who has been seeing the same girl for 3 years now. Things have been going OK and we haven't had many major arguments. However, I think the time has come for me to end this relationship because I don't have any feelings for ...
A. 24 July 2005: If your relationship isn't going well at the moment, she will have an inkling. Usually when a partner wants to break out of the relationship they will withdraw and become somewhat cold towards the other person. I imagine your girlfriend will already ... (read in full...)
I love my fiancee and I don't want to lose him, so why did I sleep with another man?
Q. I've been with my Boyfriend for 2 1/2 yrs and we are supposed to be getting married next year. A couple of days ago I slept with another man! I now dont know how I feel and I can't bring myself to look at him. My b/f knows I met up with this...
A. 23 July 2005: What a difficult situation for you to be in. My sympathies are with you!
However, you need to look at what's happened in your life recently. Despite stating that you love your fiancee, you have been involved with another man. It's not even as thou... (read in full...)
I was afraid people would gossip about us, but now even our friendship is gone!
Q. Hi. I just felt terrible now. My close friend is a boy and I'm a girl so when we went together, many other friends will think that we're more than friends. Moreover, They gossiped us as a hot topic. I couldn't stand this. Then I told my friend I ...
A. 23 July 2005: Unfortunately, you have allowed petty gossip to interfere with your friendship with this guy. What is more important, keeping a genuine friendship or your "image" within your group of friends?
Understandably, your friend was hurt by your comments... (read in full...)
Broke up 5 years ago, but my ex and I still have phone and text sex!
Q. My ex and I broke up 5 years ago and have both had other relationships since then. Despite our other partners we have been having text and phone sex for throughout the 5 years since we split. I know that none of my relationships since him have ...
A. 22 July 2005: You don't actually mention why you broke up in the first place. As you are obviously still attached to each other, I question why you stopped dating?
It seems that even after 5 years of separation, you and your ex boyfriend are still extremely clos... (read in full...)
Part II: He says I'm everything he wants in a woman, but he just isn't happy!
Q. Hi. I asked a question on 18 July 2005 and got some great advice. Basically to make it short me and my man have been dating for 6 months. He started a new job working long hours and I have been stressed with work so things haven't been good. H...
A. 22 July 2005: I agree with Irish49, if he has admitted that he's not as devoted to the relationship as you are then he's unlikely to change.
Give him another chance to prove himself, but if he fails to display any further commitment to the relation... (read in full...)
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