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Why does a cheater cheat and then beg his gf or wife not to leave him if she finds out?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Cheating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 February 2018) 4 Answers - (Newest, 27 February 2018)
A female age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Why does a cheater cheat on a woman he loves and then if she finds out, begs her not to leave him?

Why would he even commit the worst relationship sin of all if he loved her? Seemingly he did not care enough about her not to hurt her.

So, if he didn't care enough not to hurt her, how is it that he then cares enough to beg her not to leave him and to give him another chance?

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (27 February 2018):

aunt honesty agony auntWhy does someone cheat? Well because they have no respect for there partner and they care more about themselves. If they loved there partner enough they would not cheat they would work out the relationship or else end it. Why does someone beg forgiveness? More than likely because they don't want everyone knowing that they are a liar and a cheat. They may also have figured out that the grass is not always greener on the other side.

I honestly don't know why anyone in love would want to put there partner through the heartache. My guess is that they put there own needs first and hope that they never get caught. A lot of people like the thrill of it. Yet I know personally I could never betray or hurt my husband like that. If a person cheats it is because they care more about themselves than there partner.

A person might not care enough about a partner to go and cheat on them, but it doesn't mean they won't ask for forgiveness. They are selfish at the end of the day and want the best of both worlds. Me personally I could never forgive it because I would feel that I couldn't trust him ever again and I would also feel that he would never respect me because he knows he got away with having an affair and breaking my heart and yet I still didn't leave him.

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A male reader, Billy Bathgate United States +, writes (24 February 2018):

Cheaters cheat for a number of reasons but for the most part it comes down to ego and opportunity. Why do they ask their spouse to forgive them? They may genuinely love their spouse and don’t want to lose them despite their actions so they seek forgiveness. And people are creatures of comfort and habit, a divorce would obviously disrupt the life they have grown comfortable with.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (23 February 2018):

CindyCares agony aunt Because he is selfish.

Because he loves himself most of all, and he care about himself most of all, and about what makes him feel good, and about getting away with having his cake and keeping it too. He knows he can have the best of both worlds ; the comfort , reliability , safety of an established relationship, and the novelty, adventure and excitement of a parallel one. Both make him feel good and if he can feel so good he is not going to deprive himself of anything which makes him feel good just to honour his marriage vows , or just to spare the feelings of a cheated on wife.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (23 February 2018):

Honeypie agony auntWhy? Because HE LOVES himself more?

A cheater can still LOVE someone. A wife might be familiar and give him most of what he wants and the mistress gives him other parts (or sometimes the some of the same that the wife does) and HE doesn't want to lose out on all that affection and attention. HE might not want to lose out on the drama, the high from "being bad" or whatever reason HE entered into an affair.

A cheater might also feel remorse. Some not until AFTER the fact. AFTER getting caught. Not just remorse for what pain HE inflicted but for what HE realize he stands to lose.

I could go on and on with GUESSES and SPECULATIONS but...

Considering that EVERYONE is an individual and have their own agendas and motives - it's impossible to say with 100% accuracy WHY a person does this or that.

However, IT it NOT the cheaters choice to go or stay. That is the wife's and/or mistress'. Either (or both) will have to decide if cheating is a deal breaker or not and act accordingly.

The cheater can "beg" all HE wants, doesn't mean the wife or mistress HAS to stay OR forgive it.

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