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What are the risks of having a roommate?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Family, Friends<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 April 2016) 5 Answers - (Newest, 27 April 2016)
A female United States age 30-35, *iaBabe writes:

Have you ever had a roommate?

Hey aunts, I need some advice on my living situation. I'm in college and I'm about to graduate with my degree. I also started taking classes to get into the medial field (AS) I'm pretty much happy about school. I'm pretty smart, never struggled with a class and I'm very good at balancing work with school. I have 2 jobs and I like them both.

BUT I live at home with my mother, I do help out with bills and food. She's not the problem, the problem is we had to downgrade from our bigger place to a very very small 1 bedroom apt. My mom cut back from working so I picked up with my working to help out more. But she picked back up, then 1 of my brothers had to move in with us until he got back on his feet. We get along but if he has a bad day he will start an argument with me like a child.

I can get go to class from 8-3 leave school and go to work 4-11, now as soon as I walk through the door he will be very rude and I'm already tired and I'm so close to my degree so I honestly don't have time for negativity. I be so busy I have to have an alarm clock for everything I do.

So we're all cramped up in this tiny 1 bedroom apt, at first he was supposed to stay with 1 of my older sisters, they get alone perfectly plus their close. All of a sudden she said no, I was like wow. But now he's doing way better and he's still with me and my mother. He does still get disrespectful towards me sometimes but I try to ignore it. He's not a child, he's an adult just like me.

So I asked my sister could I move in with her, we split everything down the middle. I was supposed to move out before she was but my friend wasn't able to pull her weight with bills. So my sister asked me could she move with me I said of course. She's older than me, she's 27. But I didn't move, and she was scared to move out alone. I encouraged her and helped her. I have a car she's doesn't, I took her furniture shopping, I took her grocery shopping every month, I also helped her learn how to drive and get her license.

I love to help people, I get sad when other people are sad. But she got an great job and decided to move out alone, I was very happy for her but when my brother came home I asked her 10 months later did she still want to be roommates, she basically told me no and asked me why can't I move with my friend? I was veryyyyyy very very shocked! Because I would never tell my sister she couldn't live with me especially since it's so crowded.

She honestly did feel hurt because I always helped her with things. I'm younger than she is but I got everything done before she did and I never bragged about it. After I graduated high school I helped her get he diploma. It was a slap in the face! But I still took her grocery shopping and I still visit her and encouraged her to get a 2nd job where I work but a different location.

To make more room in the 1 bedroom apt I bought a storage and put my bed in there. But my mom said ask my sister can I put my head board and bed rails in her apt because she has no furniture, she said yes but with an attitude so I said no thanks I'll continue to pay for it.

I'm not mad at her I just know that if she ever needs a place to stay I would say no and close the door in her face.

But I'm still balancing in the small apt, school, and saving up money to get my own place and I'm happy that I have the amount. All I need is an living room set and my apt will be set. I even quit 1 of my old job for a better paying job which I was happy about. But I'm somewhat worried about the rent, I was goin to move out in 3 more months so that way I'll have enough money to pay my rent up for 5 months. But at my new job, my coworker said she's has a studio apt but wants a roommate. She's full time at our job that pays pretty good, but I don't know her that well. She does have a dog which I'm not too big on, I'm a neat freak, and I'm not big on animals. I love dogs but it takes alot to take care of them. Other than that, she's a nice girl we get alone for the most part.

I was wondering has any aunts ever had a roommate with someone you didn't know too well?

We said we split everything down the middle and we would get a 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom.

The only part I'm scared about is me not knowing her too well and the pup. And if she's clean?

I weighed my pros and cons and it's pretty much equal.

I would finally have peace and quiet and my own space and not have my stuff in 3 different locations. It's so much on me right now....

Any advice?

Please and thank you

View related questions: co-worker, money, roommate

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (27 April 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntI own dogs and they are hard work, if you are not keen on dogs and you are a neat freak then I don't think it would be a good idea for you to move in with someone with a dog, hair goes everywhere, dogs like to chew things ect ect.

I know that your sister has disappointed you but she probably got used to living by herself and she likes it, I don't think she means any badness to you sweetie.

If you are unsure you can pay rent by yourself then look in to house sharing where their are no pets.

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A female reader, Caring Aunty A Australia +, writes (27 April 2016):

Caring Aunty A agony auntYou would NOT finally have peace and quiet. No doubt you will politely be asked to do her a favour; like tend to her cute, mischievous, furniture destroying and piddling, whimpering puppy while she’s absent.

Best to share with strangers, because IF you have a falling out with your co-worker roommate, it'll be less stressful at work… By sharing with someone you know or work with, that is your risk.

With moving into any share accommodation there are leases, house rules and surroundings to consider. Clean vs. slob, quiet household vs. party house, shift-worker vs. 9-5 worker, having visitors over, any pets.

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (27 April 2016):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntAfter reading your protracted submittal... I've come to the conclusion that the only thing that could be WORSE than the arrangement you have now, would be to live in a den with a pack of rabid hyenas.....

Good luck...

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (27 April 2016):

chigirl agony auntI think if you are going to have a room mate, it is best if you do NOT know them that well. I mean, you need to have confirmation that they will pay their share, but other than that it is best to not be that good friends. Because arguments are bound to happen. And if you are with a friend, you will end up with things like living with your brother and mother, who you DO know very well (and that doesn't help, does it).

You need to look for a place with your own bedroom.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (27 April 2016):

Honeypie agony auntI would NOT be keen to share a flat with a co-worker, and certainly not one with a dog (if you aren't fond of dogs).

I will tell you why. She works FULL time, which means the dog is home alone A LOT. LONG hours. You don't KNOW her outside of work. You don't know her habits.

If she was someone you KNEW, someone whose home you have been to, someone you KNOW you can get along with I would think it easier.

But who knows maybe you two will get along like bark on a tree.

It's ALWAYS good to consider a set of rules BEFORE signing a lease. Here are some good starting points.

http://www.myfirstapartment.com/2014/06/24-rules-for-living-with-a-roommate/

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