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The other guy...

Tagged as: Cheating, Gay relationships, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (2 December 2008) 6 Answers - (Newest, 3 December 2008)
A male United States age 51-59, *urtisjay writes:

Hi, who ever reads this, my name is kurt. I recently got into a relationship several months ago, 9 to be exact. His name is bob. We met on craigslist. What was supposed to be a one nite thing turned into a 9 month relationship.

THE PROBLEM:

Bob has a life partner. They have been together for 30 years. 30 years!!! that's a lot of happiness and hardship. I myself am looking for a relationship with the right guy. He doesn't have to be perfect, just a caring person that would be there you know.

When bob and I first met, it was just for a one night thing. It took us 3 weeks to actually meet each other. The frist 3 weeks we exchanged text messages and talked a couple of times on the phone. He explained to me that he was married, and things weren't working out in the bedroom. I was 24 at the time and I was just coping from a previous breakup, so we talked about all sorts of things and it turned out that we had some things in common. As we got to the 3rd week of talking, I felt safe to meet him. So we planned a date.

On the night we met, he wasn't all what I expected. He was a lot older but that didn't bug me. I just wanted to get my rocks off. So we went to his house and did our thing. (wifey was away) so the next few months we started seeing each other more and more. our relationship had developed.

Now 9 months into the relationship I feel like he messes around on me. I looked at his texts and he talks to other guys, he's got explict pics, and that really bothers me but I love him for who is not want he is, am I crazy? How do you break something like that off?

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A male reader, Boonridge McPhalify United Kingdom +, writes (3 December 2008):

Boonridge McPhalify agony auntthis man likes holes to place his penis in. he will say whatever spiel he needs to reel off to get his end away.

you feel that he messes you around? how about his partner!

all the clues that this situation would make you feel bad can be taken from the fact that were you his partner and you new what he had been doing you would be feeling bad.

behaviour patterns are very set as people get older and he doesn't give a shit about feelings just simply pleasure.

find some real satisfaction with something that could go somewhere beneficial to you (not just him). i bet the sex was very good but there is more to a healthy progressive relationship than toe curling mangasms!

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A female reader, Teacake United States +, writes (2 December 2008):

Teacake agony auntWhat a mess and total drama. Sounds like you got mixed up with a narcissist hedonist. Too bad you have feelings for this guy. He is out for himself. Best you look at reality and move on. What is to love about this dude? He knows the right words? Knows how to charm? What a creep. Ditch his old sorry ass and find someone who loves you and only you.

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A female reader, katatonik United States +, writes (2 December 2008):

katatonik agony auntUnfortunately for you, if this guy hasn't left his wife after 30+ years of marriage he's probably not going to. As for messing around on you with other guys...he may very well be doing that. He's cheating on his wife with you and I'm sure he conceals his relationship with you from her. There is no reason why he couldn't also be seeing other men and lying to you about it. You shouldn't have looked at his private texts, but now that you have, you may as well act on the information. You have three choices here:

1) Stay with him, say nothing, and keep worrying (which I don't recommend).

2) Confront him about it. Tell him what you did and what you found, and see if he gets defensive. See what his excuse is, and see if you believe him enough to give him a second chance.

3) Stop seeing him and find yourself a nice guy who isn't already taken.

Also...no matter what you decide, please consider getting tested for STIs, in case this guy HAS been cheating on you. Good luck =]

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2008):

see a specialist doctor therapy person..

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A male reader, Burns231 United States +, writes (2 December 2008):

No your not crazy, you care about him and there is nothing crazy about that. As far as how to break it off I would just be blunt and honest with him about those texts and pictures. Basically if he hasn't cheated on you then it will be very likely that he will if he is texting, has explicit pictures, and (possibly) sending explicit pictures.

I understand what you mean about having a caring person be there but obviously he doesn't care much if he is doing that to you.

Best of luck to you with everything and I hope you find that special someone :)

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A female reader, luvy duvy United States +, writes (2 December 2008):

luvy duvy agony auntNo...your not crazy. I would be mad if you didn't break up with him. I'm sorry but you sound so much like just another guy or the other guy.

You should break it up by telling him about how you feel abou your relationship and what he's doing, and if the problems aren't fixed or atleast willing to be fixed...you should tell him that it is over. ( I would suggest that you do this in person...NOT by a phone call, txt, voice mail, e-mail,ect.)

...and if he would like, you could be friends. Good Luck

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