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Should I tell him I want him to propose?

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Question - (5 June 2018) 5 Answers - (Newest, 6 June 2018)
A female Canada age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I have a question do I risk ruining everything and admit to my boyfriend that I want him to propose or keep my mouth shut until he’s ready to ask me himself ?

Both 26 been together 11 years he’s the kindest sweetest most amazing person I have ever met love has been a pretty easy road for us we’re not exactly loaded but were definitely on the upper level of comfortable he’s shows me he loves me all the time and tells me he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. We recently went on holiday and a small part of me was expecting him to propose although not likely I was hoping! Anyway he didn’t propose but we had a lovely holiday nonetheless. I’ve never told him I want him to propose for fear of making him feel pressured however when he tells me he wants to marry me one day I always say me too he knows how much I love him. I was thinking I might ask him but decided that was mad because he’s a real romantic and would be upset if I turned the tables. So now we’re back to reality I’m feeling a little bit down about it but I’m to scared to say it incase he’s not ready or it takes away the authenticity of it if he did because I basically asked for it. I don’t even really know why I want it things are perfect but I love him so much it hurts and I’m just so ready for the next step. Do you think I should tell him how I feel?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2018):

Hi All I’m the OP

Thanks for all your answers I’ve considered all of them to be honest financial worry is probably why he hadn’t hes always sayin ifwhen he does he wants to do it all properly me on the other hand Id be happy with a fake diamond and a registry office (he knows that) whether we were rich or not as a young couple starting out I could never justify spending anywhere near what a modern day wedding costs. Marriage isn’t make or break for me and to be honest for a long time I wasn’t even that sure I wanted it just lately maybe because I’m getting older I think I can’t wait to be his wife. I think I might throw in a few hints and see what happens if it doesn’t I might just ask him and if he says no I have my answer ...I was just wanting to get some opinions on whether it’s pushy or stupid to tell someone your hoping they propose or even propose myself in the near future! Anyway thank you so much for all your answers

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2018):

I'm old fashioned and believe the guy should do the asking.

You can nudge him along in the right direction and throw out a hint or two but it's up to him.

Having said that, marriage is not all that it is cut out to be. Most people won't see that til they've been there and done that.

I would have opted for having a permanent boyfriend looking back!

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A female reader, malvern United Kingdom +, writes (6 June 2018):

malvern agony auntAnother idea is - can you involve a third party in this? Have you got somebody like a parent, an aunt or a good friend who can drop it into conversation with him one day. They could say something like 'You've been together for a long time, when are you going to make an honest woman of my daughter/niece/friend ?'. I have actually done this to my own son who is 30 and he and his partner have a young child. His answer is that they can't afford it and his partner wants a big wedding whenever she gets married and he can't even afford a ring. Maybe your boyfriend is thinking along these lines too? See if your boyfriend will divulge his thoughts to somebody else if you feel he's not prepared to say things to you. Once you have some idea of his answer then I would consider talking to him about it.

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A male reader, TylerSage United States +, writes (6 June 2018):

TylerSage agony auntIt sounds like he loves you very much. Although 11 years is a long time you need to realise that you've been together since your teenage years when he couldn't provide as much. As a man, he is probably waiting on more financial stability before proposing which he may just now be acquiring.

I understand you want it to be purely authentic but you are getting older and you want to know if there is in fact a chance marriage will be coming in the picture anytime soon. I would recommend you give yourself an ultimatum like 6 months more before bringing up the subject.

For the most part he has confirmed that he wants to marry you already but you must realise that he may not be ready as yet. The question is, how long are you willing to wait?

Marriage is great, but having a relationship with someone who adores you is worth so much more. Try not to sweat the small stuff.

All the best.

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A female reader, YouWish United States +, writes (6 June 2018):

YouWish agony auntWell, if it were me, and it had been 11 years, I'd probably take the initiative and do the asking myself, but I was one of those rare people who didn't have the whole romantic on-one-knee proposal dreams. In fact, I never wanted to get married until the guy I was with changed my mind about the entire institution.

But if you're not up for doing the asking, there's another option:

He's been giving you the perfect opening! If you say that he is always talking about wanting to spend the rest of his life with you, just respond with a playful smile, "Well if that's true, when should I be expecting your marriage proposal?"

Then you'll see whether or not he's serious about it!

If you two have been together since you were 15, you're about right on track now, as you've had to complete other career goals like high school, college, a decent job, and I don't know if you live together or own any assets or not.

If he's talking about "spending the rest of his life" with you, other playful responses could be "OH, so do I get to pick out my engagement ring, or are you going to surprise me?" or "Do you really mean that, big guy?"

Also, a lesser known tactic is to organically bring up the subject, such as when he's around, pretend you're watching "Say Yes to the Dress" or some other wedding show, and say something like "God, weddings are so expensive! I don't need to spend an arm and a leg on a dress or other things when I get married. I'd rather save the money for a down payment on a house and marry economically". A LOT of guys hold off on proposing because of the prohibitive cost of weddings/rings. If you say something about being economical or shouldering the cost of some of it (speaking theoretically of course, but really making sure he's listening!), that might speed up his timetable in a really big way.

Now, if you really ARE wanting the all-out expensive princess wedding, then you may have to wait a bit longer!

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