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My mom found my boyfriend and i's naughty texts

Tagged as: Dating, Family, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 November 2022) 6 Answers - (Newest, 4 November 2022)
A female United States age 16-17, anonymous writes:


I just found out my boyfriends mom went through my boyfriend and I's text (they were not very PG), she found out yesterday and she acted completely normal and even let my boyfriend come to the house but today my Dad asked me if my Mom had talked me and I said no. He told me mm ok and i said why? He said you're in big trouble and we're dissapointed. I completely acted like I didn't know. We never acted on anything from the texts and there never any explicit images so I am not exactly sure why it would be a huge sin. I understand that it can be shocking for parents. My boyfriend and I are 16 which doesn't help matters but still, everyone gets h****.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2022):

OK here is perspective of a 14M on this. My GF and I just have our own agreement we never text anything that we would not want her or my parents to read. There is a real chance her parents might decide to check her phone and she would have to let them. I mean I would too but her parents are stricter. So you just have to keep it clean. Now, I will not say we do not get a little intense and doing facetime at night but that is not something someone can go back and check. My GF is pretty good about telling me to calm down if I even start to go to far on the facetime, but at least you will have more freedom to say what you want assuming you have privacy to do the facetime.

Your friend, Calvin

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (3 November 2022):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntYou say you have not "acted on anything from the texts" but I remember being a teenager so I am pretty sure there will have been hanky panky of some sort going on. Let's face it: you rarely share sexual fantasies with someone with whom you have not already bonded sexually.

Your parents will be worried about where this is leading because sharing fantasies like that is not an end in itself; it is a catalyst for actual action. It's the thin edge of the wedge, as it were. The fantasies will not be enough and, at some point, you will take things further.

Listen to your parents' concerns and take them seriously. Remember, they know more about life, and the risks you are running, than you do.

It's pointless telling you not to have sex yet because the advice of a stranger doesn't stand a chance against raging teenage hormones. If you listen to nothing else, listen to this: make sure you have effective birth control (either go on the pill and take it properly or have condoms available and know how to use them). It is too easy to get carried away in the heat of the moment and end up paying a hefty price.

Stay safe.

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A female reader, mystiquek United States + , writes (3 November 2022):

mystiquek agony auntParents were teenagers once. Its been awhile but we remember being young and the feelings and temptations. At least your parents care. Be smart and safe. One mistake can send your life into a path that you did not want or expect.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2022):

Your parents did what's called "parental-supervision" and proper monitoring. Which is a preventive measure to monitor the activity on their child's phone and devices; because teenagers usually follow-up "sex-talk" with some form of "action."

I'm pretty sure his mom was all cool and everything; because he's a boy, and "he" can't get pregnant! What is completely normal is exactly how your parents handled it; because they are doing what good responsible parents do in this kind of situation.

Your parents are cool too; because a lot of girls your age don't get to date at 16, because boys have more persuasion over them than their own parents do at that age.

It's refreshing to read that there are still parents out there who care about their child, and will do what it takes to protect their health, their safety, and their futures.

I won't discuss anything about condoms; I'll leave all that up to your parents. That's their job!

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (2 November 2022):

Honeypie agony auntAbsolutely agree with FA,

While you SAY you are "all talk" FOR NOW - talk leads to actions. Maybe not now, maybe not yet, but more likely than not.

And even if it doesn't you know ANYONE who reads those can not tell that you two are "just having fun and blowing off steam".

And you don't know if your BF would show them to others who might NOT believe they are "just fun" either and THAT is how nasty rumors start and how YOUR reputation can end up in the toilet.

You are 16. You are allowed to be stupid here and there. It's EXPECTED. However, you are ALSO 16 and OLD enough to take responsibility for YOUR actions and OWN your actions. So nip this is the bud and TALK to your mom.

And don't "PRETEND" you don't know what they are talking about. You are not 5. You are 16. you think you are old enough to SAY stuff like this, so you are OLD enough to own it. And talk to your mom.

It's GOOD that you are being smart and NOT sending ANY nudes or other pics. At least you are THAT smart.

Expect that your parents will have lost some trust in you.

And yes, they ARE disappointed because they thought they raised you better.

You think this is not a big deal, why?

Express that to your mom (or dad).

You have to EARN back their trust. You know that, right?

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A male reader, Fatherly Advice United States + , writes (2 November 2022):

Fatherly Advice agony auntHere is how a sexually experienced adult views what you two teens are doing.

That kind of talk is leading to sex. Are you really ready for sex? What happens when you get physically close to sex?

IMHO your dad used the wrong word.

he should have said "you are flirting with big trouble, and we are worried about how you will handle the steps you are aiming for." You probably wouln't feel any better but it might have led to a conversation about safe sex instead of a conversation about grounding.

My simple advice to you is not to be alone with the boyfriend unless you are carrying condoms. Buy them yourself.

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