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My fault she's pregnant...

Tagged as: Cheating, Dating, Pregnancy, Teenage, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 March 2009) 10 Answers - (Newest, 19 March 2009)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I recently found out my bf of 1 year has gotten another girl pregnant while seeing me. The child is 2 months old, I do not know what to do, he said that he was drunk.

My bf is 15 and I am 14. This is my fault, I said that I wouldn't have sex with him while I was not 16, now if I had had sex with him then he wouldn't have had a child that they both do not want, he said that.

He would never cheat on me, he was just too drunk he did not know what he was doing. I had heard things about him things like he only wants girls to get them pregnant and have sex with them but when I met him he was really caring and loving, I just thought that the things people were saying were lies. I don't know what to do now...

It's all my fault, if only I had agreed to have sex with him he would not have got another girl pregnant.

Any help please!

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A female reader, Emilysanswers United Kingdom +, writes (19 March 2009):

Awesome!

You rock! x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

thank you to everyone who leaf a comment

i have dumped him 2hours thanks

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2009):

OMG, this is NOT your fault. At all. You said, "I had heard things about him things like he only wants girls to get them pregnant and have sex with them but when I met him he was really caring and loving..."

Well, guess what? Do you think those OTHER girls would have had sex with him if he behave like the jerk he is? His being caring and loving with you was just so that he could get in your pants... and you, being a smart young lady who loves herself and should feel nothing but pride and like you dodged a bullet, didn't get sucked in. Congratulations, to you. The other girl was the dumb ass who got knocked up for that jerk. You didn't.

The fact that he wants to turen this around on you, makes him a BIGGER jerk. Unless you put a gun to his head and ordered him to fuck her without a condom, then you have NOTHING to do with his bad choices and he SHOULD be down on his hands and knees begging for your forgiveness. Blaming you, makes him the biggest asshole in the world and you should be telling him, "Good-bye, good luck and have fun with your kid!" And then going on to a bright, beautiful world without him in it.

Oh man, I want to find him and slap him for you, if you won't do it.

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A female reader, jessica04 United States +, writes (18 March 2009):

jessica04 agony auntHoney, you didn't shove his penis into that girls vagina, and you certainly didn't make him not wear a condom, and even more, you definitely did not make him get drunk!

He is a loser. Keep to your standards, don't have sex until you're 16, and please dear God whatever you do, don't have sex with that loser!

If you already heard things about him only wanting to have sex and get girls pregnant, well guess what, he just proved all those people right! Look, there are red flags going up everywhere about him. Stay away from him before he convinces you to have sex and gets you pregnant too! He would probably even poke holes in the condom to get you pregnant!

You are so much better than him, realize it!

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A male reader, Harry Castle United Kingdom +, writes (18 March 2009):

Harry Castle agony auntThis BOY is an absolute arse!

Listen to the good advice from the other answerers; he is using you and then blaming you for his own bad behaviour.

He will never get any better, likely worse, and is not good news for you.

If you MUST have sex at your age, get protected and only do it with someone who is wrthy of you and will respect you.

Emotional connection is even more important than the physical, so have some respect for yourself and save your virginity: not simply because it is illegal now, but because you are not ready.

And steer clear of this user.

Harry.

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A female reader, DrPsych United Kingdom +, writes (18 March 2009):

DrPsych agony auntSTTOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPPP...right there! I keep reading this is your 'fault'. For one, if he is blaming you for not having sex with him then run, run away from this one as fast as you can. He is twisting everything so he escapes blame and controls you at the same time. He is a coward and immature...well perhaps not immature since he is very young anyway. If he had sex while drunk, that doesn't excuse anything. Loads of people of all ages blame drinking for all sorts of actions they would rather not take responsibility for in the morning. Basically, he wanted to have sex with that girl and the booze just reduced his inhibitions. I feel sorry for the other girl as teen pregnancy is no laughing matter. If you had sex with him, he STILL would have had sex with her and goodness knows who else...then you would have to worry about diseases and babies. As things stand, you did the right thing when he pressured you for sex and said no, you have your dignity in tact and can save sex for someone who actually cares about you, rather than being a teenage boy's 'practice run' before he moves onto the next available girl. If he cheated on you with this girl, he will do it again and again...forgive him for this and you stand to become his doormat to be walked over as he pleases.

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A female reader, Emilysanswers United Kingdom +, writes (18 March 2009):

Seriously will you listen to yourself?????

How is it in ANY WAY your fault that your boyfriend couldn't keep his pants on.

Many Many MILLIONS of teenagers are happily managing to wait for their girlfriend to turn 16.

The fact that he would even TRY and put the blame on you for this just shows what a stupid, ignorant, arrogant, manipulative arsehole he actually is.

My advice to you is to dump him and never speak to him again.

Yes he seemed lovely and caring but this is something you learn about men as you get older: THEY ALL DO. Anyone can seem nice and be caring and lovely. Did your mum never tell you that just because a man seems nice and says he has puppies at home, it doesn't mean you get in his car.

Ian Huntley was loved by everyone in his village. Fred West was described by neighbours as kind and cheerful. Harold Shipman was much loved by most of his patients.

If you do not know who these people are then google them.

This boy sounds like a horrible horrible piece of work and you are well rid of him. Leave him to deal with his own mistakes and don't let him try and control you like this.

What he did was NOTHING to do with you.

Good Luck!! xx

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A female reader, Pyro_Dimples United States +, writes (18 March 2009):

Pyro_Dimples agony auntBabygirl...

This is not your fault in any way!!! You are way to young for sex and so is he!! I respect you saying no! He is the scum that went out and did this, not you! You didn't fuck the chick without using a condom and you didn't force her to let him!!! They were both very irresponsible! You need to get as far as you can from that boy! If he has the nerve to say its your fault because you didn't have sex with him because you weren't ready??? He doesn't care about you sweetie...you deserve so much more and i'm soo sorry you feel that this is your fault because it's not. If you would like to talk more please feel free to message me. Hunny trust me it isn't your fault. I had the same thing happen to me when I was 15 and I know how it feels like its your fault but it's not...It really isn't. Please message me if you would like to talk more..I hope this all works out..

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A male reader, andrew loves hali United States +, writes (18 March 2009):

andrew loves hali agony auntIt's not your fault at all and being drunk isn't and excuse... EVER!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2009):

It is NOT YOUR FAULT. Whether he was drunk or high, it doesn't matter, HE IS STILL RESPONSIBLE OF HIS OWN ACTIONS. He is he and you are you, it'd a big difference.

You did the right thing by waiting with sex. You should aim higher and guys like him are only trouble. It may seem hard to believe that this guy did this, but it's him and not you.

Image, if you would have given in, then you might have been pregnant, or you might have ended up with STD, or you would have lost your self-esteem and self-worth and regreted it for the rest of your life.

Ask yourself: What's the point with being with a guy who is after sex? What's the point of sacrificing yourself for the sake of the relationship? What do you gain from being his "girlfriend", what do you gain from not being his "girlfriend"? Maybe it's better you leave the guy and find somebody trustworthy and mature.

P.S. you are young, you should take care of yourself first and stay safe. Do not lose your virginity to a guy who might just walk off one day or cheat on you. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

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