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Im married and work over seas, Ive fallen for someone else and am thinking of divorce, but feel pity for my child, what should I do ?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Cheating, Long distance, Marriage problems, Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (26 September 2006) 5 Answers - (Newest, 27 September 2006)
A male , *eon46 writes:

I am a married guy working overseas away from my wife and kid. I met a girl who at first was my best friend but we eventually became lovers despite the fact I am already committed (she knows). I am suddenly thinking of divorce but I feel pity to my kid whom I loved so much. What should I do? Any advice?

View related questions: best friend, divorce

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A female reader, Toria +, writes (27 September 2006):

Toria agony auntYou need to take sometime to spend with your wife and away from your new lover and maybe the fact you aren't seeing one at the moment and the other one if there is clouding your look on this.

Your wife is someone you know and maybe it's not exciting anymore where as this new lover is all new and exciting therefore you need to put this new lover to one side and put some effort into your marriage and see how you feel after that.

Good luck :o)

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A female reader, ButterflyonFire +, writes (26 September 2006):

ButterflyonFire agony auntI don't mean to sound harsh, but I don't think you really feel pity for your child or you wouldn't have screwed someone other than your wife.

If you want to get a divorce then do it. Your wife will prolly never trust you again and will be heartbroken when she finds out but you need to tell her.

I do see how working overseas can have an effect on someone's marriage and that you probably got very lonely, but you should have thought about how you could remedy it before you found a lover. I gonna shut up now before I make more ppl mad. lol

Sorry, I'm passionate about divorce and such things, I've been through one myself.

~Jamie

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A female reader, Astrid Spain +, writes (26 September 2006):

Astrid agony auntGo to your country talk to your wife about your feeling too lonely and find out if you love her still then decide I think is is bada for a kid that their parents do not love each other than having married parents and an always away dad

good luck

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A female reader, Donnah +, writes (26 September 2006):

Donnah agony auntThis is typical where I am from. Number one, you will never trust the person you are with EVER especially if "she knows". A question of integrity will always be in the back of your head.

Being away from a spouse is very difficult. You are disconnected physically, which eventually turns into emotionally. Wife probably tells you of issues that you cannot help her with because of the distance and other situations that you are helpless to. Thus you feel inadequate and unable to fulfill. You may or may not feel this way....but this does happen. Your wife suddenly becomes your "downer". So, you go somewhere and along comes someone new, someone there and you haven't had a physical contact (which I find most men need). You simply replace your physical needs with this new person.

Now, friendship is the path to courtship...your wife was your friend once upon a time.

You are infatuated my dear friend. My advice to you....FLEE FLEE FLEE. Stop what you are doing and get back home if you can to reconnect with your wife. Your child WILL be the victim no matter what...of course your wife to.

DIVORCE IS WHAT SUICIDE IS TO LIFE. IT IS DEATH. And believe me when I say that divorce is a grieving process. BEEN THERE DONE THAT.

If you want to confess to your wife...well, that is up to you. Keep in mind that she may divorce you as you have broken your marriage vows.

Take heart though...dont' give up.....there are those that will forgive and will allow you to rebuild trust.

Good Luck to you, I hope this helps.

Ciao!

Donnah

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2006):

Only you can decide what to do but I have to question your feelings for your aife. you only mention your child but what about the woman who while you have been away has been looking after your child.

You may find that as you have not seen her for a period of time that you do not feel as tho your feelings for her are so strong but once you see her this may change

In the wnd you must decide but dont make a rash decision

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