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I want my mom to stop talking to me she has a mental illness

Tagged as: Family, Health, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (3 December 2022) 8 Answers - (Newest, 10 December 2022)
A male United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

My mom she loves coming into the basement irritating me and threatening me and I don't want her coming to the basement I don't want her talking to me she has a mental illness and she doesn't want to admit to anybody she has one.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2022):

She is dangerous yes.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2022):

My dad I told him my mom has a mental illness so she knows. My mom doesn't live with me she just comes to visit.

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A male reader, CMMP United States +, writes (4 December 2022):

You don't have many options. If she's not dangerous you can't force her to get help. Maybe put a lock on the door. If that doesn't work, do what most people do when their parents start driving them nuts and move out. If you can't afford it, find roommates.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2022):

Your post is one long sentence. No comas or semicolons, and one period. Are you actually 41-50, or a teenager who just randomly indicated an age to throw us off when writing your post?

It's generally acceptable for people to go anywhere they wish in their own homes. Such is the joy of owning your own home! Generally, most men over 40 don't live with their mothers; unless he is taking care of her...or she is taking care of him!

If your adult son lives in your house, and it is necessary to threaten him; it could be for a number of reasons. He isn't paying rent, he doesn't help with the chores, you have asked him to do something a number of times, and he won't do it; or you've asked him to find a job and move-out, but he won't. You get tired of being a free maid, cook, or doing his laundry.

If you gave more details, you'd have more credibility. Maybe everyone would understand why you feel your mother suffers from mental-illness, but has never been treated. She doesn't get to tell her side, and you offer no details to support your claims. How do we know she's not losing it, because she has to deal with an obstinate, lazy, or willful adult son?

Best remedy for a grown-man who gets annoyed by his nagging or threatening mother; is to move-out, and get his own place.

If you feel she needs mental-healthcare; you can check and see if her healthcare coverage offers visiting nurses to evaluate her mental-health and wellbeing. Most healthcare packages for older people offer nurses on-call; and most modern healthcare coverage requires older clients to complete health and mental-health evaluation questionnaires; to determine if their clients are receiving competent care. That is, assuming you reside in the United States.

Their medical doctors do regular medical-examinations, and may also make referrals and recommendations when they believe their elderly-patients may be incapable of making decisions, or unable to live without assistance. Patients have to provide their doctors with next of kin, legal guardianship, and people to call in case of emergencies.

Since you didn't say she's mentally incompetent, or unable to take care of herself, you haven't explained why you still live with your mother?

Do you help her financially, pay rent, and do chores around the house to help her? Maybe she wouldn't threaten and annoy you so much.

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A female reader, RitaBrown United Kingdom +, writes (3 December 2022):

If it's your mother's house the only option you have is to move out. Is there a reason you're living with her in your 40s?

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (3 December 2022):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntAs you say your mother won't admit to having a mental illness, I can only assume she has never been diagnosed as having one. As neither you nor I are qualified psychiatrists, we cannot diagnose her. How do we know it is not, in fact, YOU who is suffering with your mental health, hence why you find it difficult to cope with your mother?

That aside, you don't give any information about your living arrangements. I'm guessing you live/work in the basement of your mother's house, in which case she has every right to go in there, regardless of how irritating you may find it. However, she does NOT have any right to threaten you - unless you are there without her permission and she wants you to leave.

Why are you still sharing accommodation with your mother? If things are so bad, you need to make arrangements to leave.

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A male reader, kenny United Kingdom + , writes (3 December 2022):

kenny agony auntDo you work in the basement, or is this your bedroom?.

Have you thought about getting your own place and having your own space.

I'm sorry to hear she has a mental illness, but and the end of the day you are in your 40's and your mum should not be coming into the basement unannounced.

If affraid the only advice i can offer here is move out or get a lock fitted on the door.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (3 December 2022):

Honeypie agony auntIf you are living with her, then I presume it's HER house?

If you don't want to interact with her, maybe it's time to move out and stand on your own 2 feet.

Or you can put a lock on your door (you would need her permission if the house is hers).

Plenty of people have mental illness and do not want to admit it. Some know it but ignore it. It doesn't make them bad people and OP, you can't CATCH her illness for talking to her.

Not really sure what you are looking for here.

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