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I lost the love of my life and don't know what to do!

Tagged as: Breaking up, Health<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (24 September 2013) 13 Answers - (Newest, 5 October 2013)
A male United Kingdom age 41-50, *onelyGuy1979 writes:

Hey Everyone,

Where do I begin?

I want to try to be as honest as I can so I'm trying to be fair to both the girl I love and myself.

It's been almost a year since I lost the love of my life. And yet I simply can not move on. I have tried everything. And I mean everything. Yet still she is always in my heart and in my thoughts. I feel totally empty without her. I feel like nothing without her.

During our relationship she did some 'silly' things. And I wasn't very nice about it. I tried to forgive her, but if we argued I'd always cast it up.

When things were good I always treated her like the Angel she is, but when we fell out I was mean and horrible to her. I said some horrible things to her. Things I totally regret.

Eventually she had enough and she left me almost a year ago. She's moved on with her life. And she won't even give me the time of day.

I don't know what to do? It's like I have lost my soul. There is no doubt I gave it to her. It belongs to her. But how do I move on?

There is no chance of reconciliation, but I wish I could just tell her how sorry I am for the bad things I've said and how much I still love her.

She's the most beautiful, gorgeous, caring, loving girl I have ever met. And I messed up. This is my fault. I take full responsibility.

But what do I do?

View related questions: move on

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2013):

Someone who does what she does is not a good partner. She would have dragged you down more and more as the years progressed. She would have made you paranoid, insecure and make you believe it is all your fault. For your own good, lets hope you do not end up going back there.

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A male reader, bronzed adonis United Kingdom +, writes (28 September 2013):

bronzed adonis agony auntThanks LonelyGuy1979 for answering.

You did not mess up. She mistreated you. You was probably not the first and wont be the last.

For your own good, lets hope the possibility of getting back with her doest arise.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2013):

What do you do? Thank your lucky stars you are no longer with her. Thats what you do.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2013):

yes it sucks when you feel the way you do. if it is any consolation to you, how you feel now is temporary. being with someone like her would have been a lifetime of grief and misery. its a good thing she has ended it with you. at least your not still stuck with her.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2013):

It may take time, but the feelings will fade. The signs are there that you will get over her.

How do I know? Because you sought the advice of others, which is proof that you want to.

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A male reader, LonelyGuy1979 United Kingdom +, writes (26 September 2013):

LonelyGuy1979 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Yeah, I caught her out a few times. Lying, Flirting with other men online. I suspected her of cheating but I had no concrete evidence she had cheated. But I did have evidence.

I've tried everything to get over her. I've even been on other dates although nothing has ever happened. Part of me doesn't want to be in love with her, but I am.

Who wants to be in love with someone who doesn't love or care for you back? I don't, but I am.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2013):

It sounds to me that she was not that much into you. I have a feeling it`s her that has messed up and not you.

So what silly things did she do then? Carry on tickling your feet, when you`d asked her to stop? Play too many April fools jokes? : These silly things were not things like cheating, lying, flirting online etc Where they?

It would have helped if you had said more.

You are probably lonely and I think you are not remembering the real truth of it.

Stop beating yourself up and move on.

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A female reader, Intrigued3000 Canada +, writes (25 September 2013):

Intrigued3000 agony auntYou sound like a very romantic soul. Use those romantic energies to create something beautiful. Paint, write poetry or a screenplay, make a video about it, write a song, sculpt. When you think about the essence of what she meant to you, become an artist. You may find the whole process cathartic.

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A male reader, CMMP United States +, writes (25 September 2013):

You only love her because you got rejected and it's a big blow to your self esteem... Because if you really loved her you would have treated her better.

You need more time and you need to realize that if she was truly the love of your life you wouldn't be in this position.

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A male reader, somewhere_between United Kingdom +, writes (24 September 2013):

somewhere_between agony auntInstead of wallowing in self pity - move on !! She was not perfect at the time, and she wont be perfect now.

You behaved bad. She probably gave you reason. It is over. End of.

Have you not met anyone else since?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2013):

You need to forgive yourself. She has moved on with her life; which is a sign that she is completely over you, and has already forgiven you.

She isn't living in the past as you are, she is happily surviving in the present. She is free of all the problems you used to have, and any attempt to bother her now will only reopen old wounds. It's too late to apologize.

Looking back in regret is your problem; please don't make it hers. The time to be sorry would have been at the time you were mean to her. She has no responsibility to make you feel better. She hadto go through the difficult process of getting over her relationship with you. She has been through enough, by your own admission.

She is no longer the love of your life; because what you had together is over. You're the one wallowing in sorrow.

You're hanging on because you want to. You'll finally let go when you decide to.

I wrote some articles that may help. I also got dumped, but I know it's best to get on with my life.

No one can make you move on but you. You're wasting your time and refusing to let yourself heal. That's a personal problem, needing no one's attention but your own. Seek counseling if you suffer depression that won't let up; but leave her out of all this.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2013):

I would like to ask you the same question as bronzed Adonis. Somehow, I'm getting the feeling that that girl was probably bad for you, and you would only end up exactly where you was, if you got back together. Stop beating yourself up. She was not a perfect angel and was probably just as much to blame as you.

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A male reader, bronzed adonis United Kingdom +, writes (24 September 2013):

bronzed adonis agony auntYou have stated she did some silly things. What silly things did she do?

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