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I know he likes me back and there's sexual attraction but then why did he say that he's not looking for a girlfriend right now?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Flirting<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 July 2022) 7 Answers - (Newest, 1 August 2022)
A female Canada age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hi!

So there's this guy I like and I know he likes me back. We can both feel the sexual attraction between us. We've been talking and texting for about 3 weeks now and we've got really close. He's not someone who texts a lot but since we've become friends, he texts me every single day and sometimes ALL day. He's been really concerned about certain issues I've been going through, trying his best to help me, and giving me very sound advice. We have a great friendship and he does get really jealous when I go out on dates.

When we meet he makes intense eye contact and everything about the way he acts makes it very obvious that he likes me romantically. However, the other day, we almost kissed, and then later when I texted him about it, he said: I'm not looking for a girlfriend right now. I would love to kiss you, but it's not the smartest decision.

I have no idea what this guy is talking about. I was glad he was honest, and it didn't ruin our relationship. We're still really good friends. I have a feeling that he may be just wanting sex instead of a serious relationship right now and he knows that I'm not that type and maybe he respects that. I'm really not sure. Should I move on from him?

View related questions: jealous, move on, text

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2022):

I don't want a girlfriend right now means I just want sex.

Some guys pretend they want a relationship and tell you they are falling for you etc to get sex and lie about wanting a relationship. Its up to you to be grown up enough and smart enough to work out who is what.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2022):

I had a man I really liked who held back like this and it turned out he was in a relationship. He really liked me back too, the sexual chemistry was mad. Turned out he was waiting to see if he would be able to have an affair with me and make sure I wasn't going to tell his girlfriend whom I knew.

And he didn't want a relationship. Just sex. Just saying.

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A female reader, mystiquek United States + , writes (31 July 2022):

mystiquek agony auntMost men dont dance around with words and play games trying to make you guess what they mean. They say what they mean and mean what they say. He has come right out and said he doesnt want a girlfriend. Believe him. I think he was trying to be respectful of you. He is telling you that he cant offer you more. Accept his at his word. Dont read more into it than that. If you can just be friends then thats cool. If you want more he isnt the one to get it from.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2022):

"However, the other day, we almost kissed, and then later when I texted him about it, he said: I'm not looking for a girlfriend right now. I would love to kiss you, but it's not the smartest decision."

He told you he's not looking for a girlfriend. He didn't say he wasn't interested in sex. Figure it out.

You said sexual-tension is there; which he is quite aware of. He's letting you know there will be no strings attached, if you do decide to have sex consensual-sex.

He doesn't want sex to be taken as confirmation that you're in a relationship.

He said it out-loud. It's up to you to accept that for what it is.

Should you move on?

Yes! If you're looking for a boyfriend, and not just a sex-partner.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (30 July 2022):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntI'm a great believer that TIMING is crucial where relationships are concerned. If you meet "the right person" at the wrong time, things are not going to work out. You have to both be in a place in your lives where you want the same thing.

This guy MAY be jealous when you date other guys BUT he is not ready to commit to you (or anyone, if what he says is true). For whatever reason, he does not currently want a girlfriend. Now it could be that he is genuine and being honest, or it could equally be that he is playing you, waiting for you to become so desperate for him that you will agree to being a FWB - which is not what you really want. Stick to your principles, otherwise you will hate yourself later and he will eventually dump you for someone else.

Nice as this guy is, I would advise backing off, at least for a while, as you two have very different agendas. It is possible you are drawn to him in no small part because he has helped you so much recently. Maybe that is what he suspects too. Learn to stand on your own two feet before looking for a relationship.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2022):

If you want a committed relationship, yes. He told you,very clearly.He does not want a Gf, or it does not want you as a Gf , but it comes to be the same thing, i.e. he would not be offering you what you are looking for. He may very well be attracted to you physically, but being attracted to a person and wanting to be in a serious relationship with that person are not necessarily the same thing. You should appreciate ( as you probably do already ) that he 's been clear about his intentio s, and basically told you :from this point on, proceed at your own risk and peril-the attraction may be mutual,but ,other than that, intents and plans differs widely.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (30 July 2022):

Honeypie agony auntYou need to LISTEN to what he says.

"I'm not looking for a girlfriend right now. I would love to kiss you, but it's not the smartest decision."

HE is not looking for a GFBut he enjoys talking to you and helping you.

He doesn't WANT to date YOU or ANYONE else right now. Accept that.

If you are looking for a BF, HE is not it. Because he doesn't WANT to. You can't make "fetch happen, Gretchen"

And you can't make people want to date you.

If he had wanted sex with you, he would have kissed you already, had sex, and ghosted you. He is keeping away from kissing and sex with you because he KNOWS you want more, HE doesn't.

Either keep him as a friend or wish him well and move on, cutting all contact.

Him, being jealous of you going on dates doesn't mean he "loves" you. For whatever reason, he feels protective of you. Hence the jealousy.

He is not interested in a relationship. THAT is the bottom line.

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