A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi 4 years ago I was with a woman I fell completely in love with I admit now I didn't treat her how I should of done I called her a couple of nasty names and generally treated her like rubbish now every morning I wake up with her on my mind I see her around regularly she just looks at me and turns away I would love her to speak to me even if it's just to tell me she hates me she has now moved on and lives with her partner and children and it crushed me everytime I see them together what do i do
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male
reader, N91  + ♥, writes (22 August 2017):
 Learn not to be a dick with people and this won't happen.
She's found someone who treats her with respect and genuinely loves her. Leave her alone and learn from it.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (22 August 2017):
 That's for damn sure, Honeypie!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (21 August 2017):
 I agree with YouWish.
This isn't about HER at all. This is about you. EVERY time you see her, YOU are reminded that you were a dick to someone who didn't deserve it and now? You don't deserve someone like her.
Leave her be.
Learn from the past and don't repeat it. Best way to do that? Figure out WHY you treated someone who cared about you, the way you did. Work on that issue, because obviously, you have one.
Living in the past or holding onto regrets is a waste of time. (not saying that you shouldn't EVER look back, but if you constantly focus on the shame of past actions instead of "fixing" the issue that led you to past behavior, nothing will change.
She doesn't owe you CRAP! Nor forgiveness or a single F.
ACCEPT that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2017): Just keep your thoughts and regrets to yourself.
It's a great step that you recognized that you had treated her badly. Some people wouldn't own up to their bad behavior.
Make sure that you never repeat your mistake.
And make no mistake you contacting her now, would be a mistake. It's selfish. Just because you feel the need to say something doesn't mean that she needs it too and she owes you NOTHING.
I was never treated badly by my ex bf. But he was one of the biggest loves of my life ad we did broke up because he met an older woman who could provide for him and give him a life he could never have had, had we stayed together. Fast forward a decade to the appearance of Facebook. That's how he found me. He simply needed to get things off his chest. He simply had to tell me that I was the love of his life and that he made a life-shattering mistake blah blah blah. He needed to say it. I didn't need to hear it.
Leave her be.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2017): I wonder when you realised you loved her, was it when you realised she had moved on. I believe that the longing you have is not genuinely for her it's because you've lost control of her and know that you can't have her. You would be wiser to spend your time working out why you ill treated her, even get some help through a therapist for this and then move on like she clearly has. After ill treating her the only contact you should consider is an apology so you can both draw a line under your past relationship.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (21 August 2017):
After seeing your age, and knowing that you weren't some immature young teenager when you were with her (indeed - you were in your 30's when you broke up!), if you were so in love with her as you say, WHY did you mistreat her??
That is very important, because without knowing WHY you mistreated her, you're going to mistreat someone else. For her to say that she hates you, that means you did far worse than just calling her a couple of names.
WHY were you the way you were with her, and was she a special case, or do you mistreat every person you have feelings for?
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (21 August 2017):
 An opportunity has presented itself as Karma works bother ways does it not? I wonder if this is the time you humbly apologise to her for your wrongdoing - rubbish behaviour towards her and move on?
No need to go into a lengthy conversation, how you’ve changed, how she looks happy etc. or wait/want for her forgiveness. This is about making amends without having selfish motive or self-pity! If this approach were to cause her harm, open old wounds then let it be, do not disturb and go make your own peace within.
Remember Confucius says: What you do not want done to yourself. Do not do to others.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2017): You are tasting your karma. You eventually reap what you sow when you heartlessly deliver nothing but harm or pain against others who give you their love. The time will come when it boomerangs back.
The good news is that you will get-over it. Not without realizing the wrong you've done first. Let me explain.
The worse you treat others, the worse it comes back. This is only to teach us to be empathetic and compassionate. It is also divine justice; which is not meant for vengeful purposes, but a part of learning and growing for those who live by faith. It changes us for the better. It isn't meant to destroy us.
When you recall and realize the wrong you've done to a person (or people); you are more apt to experience remorse. For most of us, we feel guilt and have an attack of conscience. Guilt taps into our humanity. We become more humane; because these feelings (that you are now feeling) makes us realize how wrong we were.
We must experience painful-remorse; because cruelty has consequences. Criminals often think they can escape consequences and punishment. The way it comes and when it comes is only a matter of time. It most inevitably will come. Part of the punishment is wondering when your sins will catch up with you. Always looking over your shoulder. Regret is also punishment. It takes over the mind and holds it captive until we change. Until we seek redemption and forgiveness. Forgiveness is also given by our Creator, for those who believe. He knows we were in a bad place. Those who have no faith or beliefs; will simply have to understand it and deal with it on their own terms. Just too bad!
I think you have learned your lesson. You'll move on by forgiving yourself. Knowing that in your heart you are truly sorry. The first impulse is wanting to apologize to the person we've wronged to ease our own conscience. You are sometimes not given that chance; because it's coming from selfishness, not true contrition. You just want to forget about it and bury it. That means you didn't really learn anything. That you're only tired of regret and guilt. Your own feelings.
When will you feel better? That all depends. She has moved on, and long forgiven and forgotten about what harm was done. Proven by the fact she found someone better. Your own guilt is your punishment. Coupled with loss. Acknowledgement of a realization of a blessing you once had; but didn't appreciate. You've even confessed you were wrong. The first step. The lesson learned is how to properly treat someone you love; and not to repeat those actions in the future. It is also a reminder that when you mistreat the one who loves you; there is always someone better waiting their turn.
The opportunity will come someday to express how sorry you are. You'll eventually get-over all this. You're constantly reminded, because you see her so frequently. You also get to see her prosperity and progress in spite of what you did. That also falls in the realm of divine justice. Not as much for her sake, as it is for yours.
This is only to show you that she survived regardless. You were only meant to be in her life but a short time. Someone else was meant for her. Believe it or not, you did make a positive influence in your own way; you just weren't meant to be a permanent or lasting figure in her life. Nor she in yours. She did however change you. That was what she was meant to do for you.
There is something positive you takeaway from this. You are more sensitive and conscientious. You will treat the one meant for you better. You will find love again, and you will be more deserving.
You can forgive yourself and move on until the guilt passes. Forgiving yourself is not dismissing your transgressions. It is moving on with the purpose to correct your past behavior and starting over with a better outlook; and changed in a way that will make you a better man.
Be happy for her, and you'll feel some relief. Setting her free sent her towards her destiny and happiness. Yours will also come, because your change will have its rewards. She doesn't hate you, only what you did. She survived and thrives in spite of your mistreatment. She grew stronger, and goodness prevailed. You'll be fine. You pushed her in the right direction; so you could go yours.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2017): Like everyone else here says, it's all a bit tough and you need to leave her be. I am wondering though- four years? Have you broken up with someone recently ? Is that what all the guilt is about? Or have you been treated badly? Surely it hasn't been four years of regret... something has triggered this suddenly I am sure.
She's moved on. Good for her. Don't think you now have a right to appease yourself with her forgiveness somehow, and definitely don't think you can muscle in on her life again because you suddenly realise she was better than you ever thought she was.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2017): You do nothing. This alone is enough of a testimony to all those badly treated woman.
Its just karma.
You tried to trash something beautiful for your pleasure in the power of trashing it.
She wised up and moved on.
If you really want a decent life you might as well start by promising yourself that you will never trash anyone again.
While I want to be annoyed with you because I am in the process of being trashed myself, by someone who will later regret it, I also know that the reason for it lies deep in your past!
Its connected to how you were treated when you were younger and what you perceive a man to be.
Different people project different ideas of how a man should treat a partner and you have learned some of the wrong lessons in life so that you thought it might be good to treat your lady with disrespect and casual behaviour.
Secretly you may have felt that an honest relationship was the same as waking death.
Others see it as a privelege to love and be loved and yet others see it as a fundamental human right.
If you could access counselling and talk it through you would find that people from all walks of life have different lessons to learn about love.
So dont self destruct over this.
Try to cherish and love your next partner as you wished you had loved your ex when you were together.
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A
female
reader, holeymoley +, writes (21 August 2017):
 Im afraid you 'suck it up'. It no doubt crushed her each and every time you treated her badly, as you say, just as you feel crushed by her having moved on to the point of -you no longer exist for her. Thats the thing with regrets- they can sting! Enough of the oh woe is me and go find yourself some happiness with someone to. Learn by your mistakes, treat her good and move forward.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2017): I imagine you broke her heart and that it took her some time to get over that. Now she has found happiness and has moved on so you want to swoop in there? I think you're being selfish to expect anything and that the kindest thing would be to avoid her, give her space to live in her new life without seeing you and to be frank...stop being selfish.
You had you're chance and you blew it.
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