A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I was wondering what your opinion is on inter-faith dating, specifically for atheists. How do I meet girls who are atheist or agnostic? Do you think girls care whether I’m atheist? My issue is that I really prefer to date girls who are like myself, atheist (or agnostic). Although, I should say I’m okay with people who are “spiritual but not religious”, although in my opinion this is kind of baloney. These people usually still follow their religious customs and probably still believe in a god “deep down”. I prefer someone who is totally nonreligious (i.e., doesn’t even celebrate Christmas for the gifts), but I would date someone who is a non-practicing Christian, for example. Do you think non-practicing Christians are okay with dating atheists? I don’t think they would want to marry one, IMO. FYI, East Asian women, who are generally not religious, are not an option for me. I don’t like online dating either, in case you were going to suggest that.Since I live in NYC, you would think there are a lot of atheists and agnostics, relatively speaking. And, there are. But still, the VAST majority of people are Christian or Jewish here. It’s still like 10 to 1.It’s not like atheists put a sign on their door indicating they are atheist...or wear some sort of atheist symbol on their neck or head. They don’t want to be discriminated against by the majority culture. Think an atheist could win the U.S. Presidency? Lol. It’s annoying to have to put in a lot of effort for dating, just to find out later you could never be together in the long-term because of religion. What solutions do you have for this dilemma?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (13 August 2012):
The short answer is obviously: date anyone you like, discuss religion early on and you'll know within the first 15 minutes whether she's suitable or not. You'll have to do more dating that way, but if it's so important to you, it's worth it.
But I think the real problem is your rigid attitude. You're so busy setting yourself apart from those who follow a religion you're missing the point. It's the inability to allow each other the freedom of having beliefs different from each other that causes conflict, not the beliefs themselves. Once someone becomes so set in their convictions they won't allow their significant other to practice their own beliefs, whatever they may be, the relationship cannot survive.
That said, a few sacrifices here and there should be doable. That's what a relationship is about anyway. I'm an atheist/agnostic and my view is simply "live and let live." If the person I'm dating shares this view it shouldn't be a problem whether they're religious or not. It's the ability to allow others to be free and not look down upon them for having a different view/opinion that matters. The pool to fish from gets a lot bigger too that way.
But if you're really dead set on finding someone with exactly the same views you have, date more. By your calculations you should be able to find a suitable girl within 10 dates.
A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (13 August 2012):
You should seek out online forums, local meetings and consider attending conventions dedicated to skepticism. Skeptics employ a logical thought process to prove or disprove. They are usually atheist or agnostic. The James Randi Educational Foundation is one non-profit organization that can provide you with more information about skepticism.
If this way of thinking meshes with yours, there is a good possibility that you will be able to easily find others who are female, atheist, and potential mates.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 August 2012):
 As a Jewish Agnostic who is partnered with an Catholic raised atheist, I can tell you that it's not as hard as you are making this out to be.
You just go out and you meet folks.. and after a few dates you will know where they stand religion wise and make your choice from there.
Sounds to me like you are ANGRY when folks have the desire to have religion in their lives... that's their choice...
I know lots of inter-faith couples... in fact MOST of my friendships are interfaith couples...
mostly jewish women with christian men... none of us practicing any religion... just how we were raised.
perhaps your criteria is a bit too stringent as a cover for other issues?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2012): I'm atheist.
I don't date religious girls, period. It leads to too many conflicts.
Why do you think "spiritual but not religious" is baloney?
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 August 2012):
 There's no given solution other than start wearing that sign over your head that says you're an atheist. Arrange a speed-date for atheists?
I have run into atheist through my life, and I can't say I've found them particularly more rare than normal nice guys. There's people who aren't a good match for you all over. You just got to filter through it all until you find someone who matches you. There's plenty of frogs to be kissed before you find your princess.
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A
female
reader, Shadow Rose +, writes (13 August 2012):
 I'm "Aethiest" technically. I don't believe in a god. And my boyfriend is a churchgoing christian.
It's ok to talk about it if you both agree to not debate or go into too much detail, but for the most part, just let it be.
I think the only problem would be if two people of different faiths (or lack therof) would want to settle down and have children. What do you raise your children to believe in?
That would have to be discussed and an agreement would have to be made.
(Lucky for me, I already knew I was going to raise my kid to be a christian, so it's not an issue for me!)
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A
female
reader, Love_Guru403 +, writes (13 August 2012):
Just leave religion alone altogether. If she wants to talk about religion then kindly explain to her. If she gets offended then it's her loss. It's happened to be before. I understand how you feel as an Atheist, I always get bull for it.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (13 August 2012):
 Since online match makers are not an option then I would suggest you find some kind of local atheists group. People with shared interests and beliefs congregate (pardon the pun) all the time, so why wouldn't atheists? The logical way to meet those of like mind would be to go where those like minded people go.
I know everyone's experiences are different, but in MY exprience I've usually found those who don't believe in God far more overbearing and unforgiving when expressing those beliefs than those who do. Again, in MY experience, most people who believe in God (myself incuded) accept that this is a very personal thing that cannot be forced upon another. God didn't force me to believe in Him so why should I force someone else? And if I believe that God loves ALL of His creation, then that means He also loves atheists.
Can inter-faith relationships work? Sure. It depends upon the dogmas of the faiths involved and how one chooses to incorporate them into their lives. I do believe there are SOME faiths out there that are incompatible with others, but if the parties involved don't practice them then it's hardly an issue.
I suppose at the end of the day you just have to be up front and if you want someone to be flexible about your views, then you ought to be flexible about theirs.
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A
male
reader, Wild Thaing +, writes (13 August 2012):
 Your attitude is not one of "live and let live". Being an atheist is merely a red herring. You have a bloody big chip on your shoulder and it if comes through in writing it must be screaming out at your dates.
If you can overcome your inability to live and let live then you might maintain a connection with someone. Try not to define your entire life based on your non-spirituality. You wear your atheism like a punk rock haircut, aching for acknowledgement.
"Inter-faith" is a challenge in your life only because you make it so. If you want higher quality dates then work on becoming a higher quality person who can respect others for what they are instead of leaping at the opportunity to judge them. Good luck and take care.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2012): I think the best thing to do is just to bring up the topic of religion very soon. Religion might be one of those topics that you would normally avoid to make sure you don't offend anyone or get into a debate over sensitive issues, but if it is genuinely important to you, and considering that having similar beliefs and values is important in a relationship, I would definately ask as soon as possible. Just be polite, say something like, 'I'm sorry for bringing this up so soon, but I was wondering if you have strong religious views, I'm an atheist myself so I feel it is important I be honest with you...' As for how you meet atheists...I'm not sure, as I don't think they really have clubs/meet ups do they? (you should check online though, there might be one in your neighbourhood, you never know)
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (13 August 2012):
 Think an atheist could win the U.S. Presidency? Short answer... No way.
As a non Christian I know how you feel. While I have respect for anyone's choice in faith/religion, I believe it's personal choice and if someone choose NOT to participate in religion that is THEIR business.. I can't tell you how many times people not only FREAK out over me being non-Christian, but try and change my mind. *eyeroll*
As far as dating, since you don't want to do online (though it might make it easier as you can put non-religious as a criteria) I would just try and meet people.
When I met my husband we actually didn't talk religion for the longest. I think people who have a VERY strong conviction (not always strong Faith) will get on the subject of religion fairly fast, and then.. you can weed then out, so to speak.
Dating is never easy.
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