A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone,I have a quick question.The girl I've been seeing for about 9 months has gone on holiday today with 3 other single friends (a few of them are meeting people too) but what I want to know is how I can not be wondering what she's up to at a night time and stuff. We've had a few ups and downs over the time we've met one time which led to me sleeping with someone else, but she tells me I'm the only person she's slept with these past 9 months.I don't think she is the type of girl to go sleeping around and even more so on holiday with random people she will see once or twice in a week but I always think stupid things in my head.I've said to myself that I'm not going to look at pics online or snapchats and things until she's home, she came to see me last night we didn't have sex, which I thought we would of. I also messaged her before I fell asleep saying have a great time, I'll leave her to enjoy herself so she's not messaging me all the time, but say hello when she has a spare few mins.What can I do to keep my mind off her ?(I'm not looking for messages like, she's single she can do what she wants, I'm also single but I'm not looking to hop into bed with someone else whilst she's away.)
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think the hardest time is before bed when I have a lot of time to myself to think.
I spoke to one of her friends who hasn't gone and she said she's not gone for that reason and her friends are seeing people as well. She said she doesn't think there's anything to worry about.
I do feel pretty stupid even having these thoughts. She borrowed a few of my things to take with her and said she will message me when she has chance. I don't think she would be able to lie to me and carry on like nothing had happened due to her personality.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (10 July 2015):
 Put an elastic band around your wrist, and snap it every time you start to think about her. It will snap you (pun intended) back to the present moment, so you can give yourself a moment to recognize that your mind is making up narratives that have nothing to do with your reality.
Here's a link to some useful strategies: http://www.positivityblog.com/index.php/2008/02/15/8-ways-to-return-to-the-present-moment/
Hope that helps! Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (10 July 2015):
 So you two are "technically" NOT a couple - you are FWB kind of thing?
If so, she is FREE to do as she pleases on vacation, though you two do have a sorta exclusivity agreement. You know that rarely works long term.
If you don't think she will do "things" you rather she didn't then just trust in that. Get some of the things done you haven't gotten around to, like "spring clean" your place (or room), hang out with friends, family etc.
Funny how you think you can't keep your mind off her, but you aren't DATING her. Why not?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2015): LOL.Ok,sorry,OP, I'm the one who asked-thank you for answering but it did actually make me laugh out loud, because you are either 1) single 2) in a relationship.There is no such thing as "technically single" WHILST at the same time "agreeing to f%^^ only each other". SVC correctly named the 2nd option (which you've described) a relationship because that's what a relationship is.Why are you afraid to call it that?Now, if you haven't called it that and you are afraid that this might "blur the lines", then well it might...You don't seem very clear on what you want with her and she doesn't either.Until people prove me wrong I trust them. She hasn't done anything to raise doubts?Then let her be and trust her.I honestly think this insecurity is deep-rooted in yourself and your actions-if you haven't forgiven yourself for cheating try and do so. If you can't-ask yourself why you can't? Meanwhile, how to deal with what's at hand-well,imagine all the fat pensioners lying on that paradise and keep repeating to yourself: "She is not into fat, old men. She is into me."
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2015): Well the thought is in your head because It's not impossible that she's sleeping with other people.
And if she does sleep with other people she wouldn't have to tell you.
Sorry mate, you are friends with benefits then anything could happen.
Especially if you have broken the agreement by sleeping with others. She really has no reason to hold back if she fancies someone.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (10 July 2015):
 9 months? That's about how long it will take you to read "War and Peace." Get a copy of that, and get started.....
good luck...
P.S. If, by chance, you should finish that book, get a copy of "Crime and Punishment" and continue reading....
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 July 2015):
 well if you don't think she's going to do anything to jeopardize the relationship why is it so bad to think about her?
assume she's out and about and having fun and get on with your life while she's gone... see friends you have not seen. catch up on tv or movies or sleep...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe are both technically single I know we can both still do what we want, but we agreed a while ago that we would only hook up with each other.
I'm just asking how I csn keep my mind off wondering what she's doing. Deep down I don't think that she would do something, but i have the thought in my head.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2015): Wait,hold on,hold on now!
You cheated on her (slept with someone else?), she's single (so presumably not with you?)
What? I can't make sense of your situation. You either are together or you aren't. If you are FBuddies then,say so.
In which case-whatever she does on holiday is none of you business.
Also, I can see how you cheating can make you feel insecure- you can't even trust yourself not to cross that boundary,so of course you can not trust others.
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