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Can anyone please help me figure out what's going on with this guy?

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Question - (9 October 2022) 5 Answers - (Newest, 9 October 2022)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I'm 33 and single. I've known guy for the last 10 years from way back when we were studying. Although we were never friends, we knew people who were common to us. He was always very polite and civil and might I add, a good 10 years older. He added me on facebook and we exchanged the occasional "hi, how have you been" but nothing beyond that. He left for another country soon after her finished with his studies and still lives there. He's still not married.

Maybe 5-6 years back, he started talking to me on social media. I was in a relationship at that point which was pretty serious and didn't want any hassles so I didn't give it much thought. He kept getting very flirty and even a little creepy so I immediately blocked him without a second thought.

A few days ago, i was reminded of him and unblocked him and looked him up. That's how I knew he still wasn't married but seems to be doing well professionally. I thought to myself, it's been really long and we've all grown, let me send him a friend request and see how he's doing. He accepted it immediately . I told him the partial truth that i want very active on social media and he asked for my WhatsApp number, which I gave him. He sent me a message saying, I'm calling you and before I could respond, he called me on video. I wasn't sure if I should answer... Haven't ever spoken to the guy face-to-face and suddenly being on video seemed a little...i don't know... Not right. I messaged him saying I'm a little busy but it was ok to message.

He immediately went really cold and started responding with one word answers. I honestly felt a little bad about blocking him in the past so I tried being nice to him by initiating small talk but he just responds in one word answers. I even sent him a message saying "call when free" just to see his reaction and he responded with an "ok". I've stopped trying.

I guess my question is, can anyone figure out what's the deal with this guy? Why did he call me on video and then go stone cold? Why did he even accept my friend request?

View related questions: facebook, flirt

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A male reader, CMMP United States +, writes (9 October 2022):

One simple question: why do you care? A guy you find a bit weird and creepy who lives in another country is being a bit weird and you care about why? It's impossible to know for sure, I think you should just forget about him.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2022):

You already know what's up. He answers with one-word answers; that's sending the message to the sender "not to bother!"

You did your follow-up on an old acquaintance. You got your response and reaction to your inquiry. Now leave him alone.

This one doesn't require my usual long answer.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (9 October 2022):

Honeypie agony auntYou already KNEW he had acted creepy before and you thought, WHAT a great idea to reach out to his guy!! And then what? You realized he is still a creep.

SO what that he is still single?! There is probably a GOOD reason he is single.

You made a few mistakes here but nothing you can't fix with a re-block.

"Why did he call me on video and then go stone cold?"

Because he thought YOU would be UP for "something" maybe some dirty talk or whatnot. After all, YOU did reach out after him having been "creepy" before. And then YOU didn't automatically want to video chat?! He gets irate.

THAT should be a huge red flag.

I can't even understand WHY you reached out in the first place, HE was never a friend, he lives FAR FAR away, he is much older than you and he has been creepy in the past! What exactly were you hoping for? To get some "easy attention" from some "not quite" random stranger?

He doesn't want small talk, he obviously has some issues regarding social cues (which might not be his fault).

What exactly did you think would happen?

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (9 October 2022):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntAs with many posts, I have some questions for YOU:

Why did you contact him again when he had been creepy in the past?

What was your purpose in reconnecting with him?

I am going to put 2 + 2 together and arrive at the conclusion that, being single again, you are looking through men from your past to see if there are any suitable partners (or maybe just this one because he never married?).

My advice would be to leave people who are in your past firmly in your past. They are there for a reason. Your future is not behind you; it is in front of you.

My guess as to why this particular guy is still single is that he lacks social skills and, hence, scares women off by his behaviour. You didn't allow him to phone you straight away so he is now sulking and succeeding in making you feel bad about it. Nobody can make you feel bad about yourself without your permission. Stop granting permission to some random creepy guy who probably assumes you are contacting him because you are interested in him sexually (which perhaps you are?).

In your shoes I would unfriend this guy - FOR GOOD this time - and block him from contacting you. You are not THAT desperate. You deserve better.

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A male reader, kenny United Kingdom + , writes (9 October 2022):

kenny agony auntI think that the deal with this guy is that he is an odd ball, and i think it was a mistake unblocking him and looking him up.

You blocked him because he was flirty and creepy, normally leopards don't change their spots, and you have found out nothing has really changed.

Yes i think its odd that he should video call, especially considering the circumstances, and i think that you were totally right not to answer.

Now he is displaying more red flags by becoming cold and responding with one word answers. In my opinion there are just to many red flags with this guy, i would not waste anymore of your time on him, and i think you should delete and block him again, he does not sound like someone you want in your life.

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