My girlfriend is immature and its annoying
Q. Hi My girlfriend seems immature. We have been chatting for about 6 months and have decided to meet. She hangs on to every word I say and I dislike that very much. Seems everything needs to go her way. For example, we talk on the phone I suggest ...
A. 7 November 2021: Any advice? Yes, call off the meeting, thank her for her time and move on.
Even without meeting, you both have aspects of this ersatz relationship which frustrate and annoy you. Why try to force a square peg into a round hole? It will never fi... (read in full...)
I ended the affair, we are both still married to our spouses and now years later, he wants to be friends. Why?
Q. I had an affair that was emotional for years and then physical for months. I ended it pretty quickly knowing how wrong it was - even leaving my job to get away from him all together. For the past couple of years he has continued to reach out, which ...
A. 6 November 2021: You say you have moved on, yet you still allow him access to you. Why? Why did you not block him from contacting you when the affair was over, especially given how badly he then treated you?
Perhaps you should ask your husband what he thinks a... (read in full...)
A young woman is harassing my fiance and the police say they're helpless. What can we do?
Q. I've been with my fiance for 7 years now. Writing in about a problem affecting him. I'm 37, fiance's 2 years older. No kids, just a pet cat and six cavies. An influencer, who's 23, has kept on emailing him asking for dates, sent him sexy ling...
A. 6 November 2021: I have a couple of questions of my own:
- If you have been with your boyfriend for 7 years, how come you are not married yet? Most people have either made a commitment to each other or split up a lot sooner than that.
- If this annoyance t... (read in full...)
Don’t feel like family care about me
Q. Everything fell apart for me a few years ago. We were living with my in laws and had an unplanned pregnancy. We kept having financial problems and my in laws filed for custody and won. It’s been endless arguing with my husband about each other’s ...
A. 5 November 2021: Like it or not, you need an appropriate amount of money to raise a child. Is your financial position now better than it was when your in-laws were awarded custody of your daughter? For people other than the natural parents to be awarded custody, the ... (read in full...)
Is it over before it even really got started?
Q. I was seeing a male friend. (a) It was slowly progressing friendship. I began talking to another male friend, (B) (b) began to spread rumors about himself and me that we were engaging in sex. That wasn’t true at all. However my first male fr...
A. 5 November 2021: Lesson for the future: one bloke at a time. If you spread yourself too thinly, it will bite you on your behind. If things with the first guy were progressing, you should not have been messing around with the second guy unless you had an agreement ... (read in full...)
My friend told me we couldn't meet because she was afraid of covid then I see on social media that she was out with friends. Why did she lie to me?
Q. I’m a little confused and hurt by something that happened last week and need advice please. A friend that I’ve know for over 10 years made a lunch date for us. We used to meet up often prior to covid but with restrictions etc… we have seen mes...
A. 5 November 2021: You have known her for 10 years but do not know her motives, so a bunch of people who don't know anything about her, except one side of the story, can't possibly know her reasons for doing what she did. We can only try to guess.
Perhaps she is f... (read in full...)
I suspect my girlfriend is seeing other guys again but don't know how to approach her
Q. Hi Something is bothering me about my girlfriend recently. we have been together since December 2020 but live in different cities as we are students. We haven't been able to see each other as often as we would like due to covid-19, as des...
A. 3 November 2021: Come on, you KNOW she is lying to you. What place serves food till 2am? Or even 1am, allowing an hour to clean up? 24/7 drive-throughs like McDonalds maybe, but nowhere else.
You have quite obviously (and understandably) lost trust in her, hen... (read in full...)
Feelings that I don't know how to address
Q. Hi all thanks for taken a moment to read this. I just need some help with a situation I have found myself in. I have a boyfriend we have been together 3 years, we are okay together sometimes. I feel somewhat unloved and not cared for as I should b...
A. 1 November 2021: Cheating is NEVER OK. Don't try to justify it by oh-so-innocently asking whether it's true that women think of others when they are not getting "what they need out of a relationship". You've been with your boyfriend for 3 years. Either work on the ... (read in full...)
My husband said he believes it is possible he could find the same connection with other women that he shares with me, his wife!
Q. Hi and thank you for reading my question. What would you say if your husband or wife asked you if you thought you could find the same connection with anyone else that you share with them (your husband/wife)? Or could THIS connection ever ...
A. 31 October 2021: You admit you are insecure. Your insecurity is YOUR problem, not your husband's. Your husband is secure enough in the relationship to answer questions as honestly as he can, whereas YOU lie in an effort to get him to say what you want to hear. Yes, ... (read in full...)
Why don't I want to give my husband any affection?
Q. I've gone off sex with my husband but I still really love him and am scared he's going to leave me eventually because of it. It's not just sex, I just don't want any kind of affection off him. Off anyone really. No hugging, no kissing, no holding ...
A. 31 October 2021: In my experience, most men and women differ in their outlook where it comes to sex. Most men need sex to feel loved whereas most women need to feel loved before wanting sex. Do you feel "unloved" in some way?
Have you discussed this with your doc... (read in full...)
The attraction I have to this man has caught me off guard
Q. A new guy started at my work and we've known each other for a short while now, when we first met we got on like most strangers who meet for the first time. Then one day we were both were working late and got into conversation, that we could of just ...
A. 31 October 2021: You've only known this guy a short while, shared one proper conversation with him, but you "know" he is a decent guy who will treat you well? How can you possibly know that from a short acquaintance and one conversation? You only know what he wants ... (read in full...)
I'm not sure where I stand with this guy, both sexually and otherwise
Q. I've been seeing a guy 22, I'm 33. We clicked instantly with the same interests it made it easy to talk and get into hours of conversation at a time. He said he wanted to go out and we did and had a great time. We talked for hours and it felt very ...
A. 29 October 2021: You are a 33 year old woman, hence an adult. He is a 22 year old boy, still a child (given that males usually take longer to mature than females). He is also still at school. He has different priorities in his life than you do. You are at very ... (read in full...)
Am I right to feel confused or have I just totally misread the situation with this guy?
Q. I can’t figure out if he’s giving me mixed messages or if I’m reading too much into things. A couple of years ago I briefly dated this guy before he called it off as he just wasn’t feeling it which confused me at the time as he’d seemed really ke...
A. 29 October 2021: Stop reading ANYTHING into what this guy says to you. The guy's a player. He's good at putting on an act and dangling a proverbial carrot in front of adoring females like you, then snatching it away as soon as he sees you are falling for the fakery. ... (read in full...)
My husband and I are going away for Christmas and its really upsetting my family
Q. I’ve made the decision to go away to Barbados with my husband for Christmas this year and it’s gone down like a lead balloon with my family. But the truth is every year something always kicks off in my family which spoils the whole holiday and I ...
A. 26 October 2021: You can't control any of the members of your family or what they do/say, but you sure as hell can control how you react to them and how much/little notice you take of them.
Stop taking their behaviour to heart. I know this is probably easier s... (read in full...)
I'm sick and tired of his treatment towards me. It's always about his friends and weed.
Q. Hi and thanks alot So my bf can be very abusive. Verbally abusive. Resorts to name calling at the slightest things. He wasn't like that in the beginning at first he was calm and sweet then he changed alot. Maybe the true colors appeared. ...
A. 26 October 2021: Like Honeypie, I have to wonder what you are getting out of this ersatz relationship and why you stay. Do you think you would feel any more "alone" if you got rid of him? He is verbally abusive. He refuses you any attention or affection. WHAT do you ... (read in full...)
Am I crazy for thinking this way about my family?
Q. Hello, I have had this question on my mind for a long time and I have never really discussed it with anyone. I wanted to see what other people thought. I am a son in a family of five. My relationship with my family is not the best. ...
A. 25 October 2021: My upbringing was similar in many ways to yours, so I can understand where you are coming from. Like you, I resented my parents while I was young, believing they were both "short changing" me in some way. However, when I was a little older, I found ... (read in full...)
Has anyone ever had the feeling where they feel alone even though there are people around them?
Q. Has anyone ever had the feeling where they feel alone even though there are people around them? I think I may have done this to myself. I broke up with my gf after 8.5 years and I feel very alone. It has been 11 months and I feel lonely. I have r...
A. 24 October 2021: This is an all too familiar story. It is so often the case that the person who is always available and willing to support others gets no support when THEY need it. One of the reasons is, as you have said, because people assume they are strong and ... (read in full...)
How do I tell the my brothers/sisters I don't have the money to have them for Christmas?
Q. Dear Cupid , I'm a single woman and share a Condo with My Mother in her 60's .. Every Holiday for the past 16 years both My Siblings a Older Brother and a Married Sister with 4 Children have never volentered to have a Holiday at their Home. I ...
A. 22 October 2021: This is happening because you are allowing it. I completely understand it is not easy to stand your ground and say "no" when it is "traditional" that you do this, but your family are taking advantage of your good nature. Sometimes there is a very ... (read in full...)
How do I have sex with my aunt in the bedroom
Q. my aunt has romantic feelings for me and i feel the same way with her, and she keeps staring at me sexually and it kind of turns me on the way she does that. and i wish that we could make love in the bedroom (with protection of course) and as a teen ...
A. 22 October 2021: Really, you have no other options for sex than your aunt?
You can do anything you like in life but you should first consider whether you are willing to pay the price. The price of fulfilling your fantasy with your aunt could be a big family b... (read in full...)
I miss my crush so much but I probably won’t ever see him again.
Q. My crush got laid off due to covid last week and I miss him so much, I feel like I have a big black hole inside me. I wish I could say I was exaggerating but I really am not. I have rarely had crushes throughout my life, so when I have one it is...
A. 22 October 2021: Firstly, your manager would be breaking all sorts of data protection rules if they were to give you this guy's number. Any manager with half an ounce of sense will not do this because they would risk their job. You shouldn't even put your manager in ... (read in full...)
My husband wants me to get pregnant by his gay friend
Q. I have been with my husband for 3.5 years, but we've been together for 9 years in total. The big issue here is kids, we both want them, yet my husband has other ideas about how and it's caused arguments. He wants me to sleep with his frien...
A. 21 October 2021: Sorry but there's something missing here. This is not normal behaviour for ANYONE, let alone a man who you profess is a "good man" and with whom you have a satisfying sex life.
Some theories which come immediately to mind:
1. Your husband kno... (read in full...)
Our conversations have quickly escalated into sexting
Q. I approached a guy (call him ALEX) on social media. Alex is the cousin of one of my sister's friend. We didn't know each other then. I wrote to him to say hi. But the convo escalated quickly into about sex. And we sexted. I immediately regretted it ...
A. 20 October 2021: Had to smile to myself that you thought because he had a decent job he couldn't be a sexual deviant. The two things are not mutually exclusive. Most sexual deviants hold down respectable jobs.
I notice you say "WE sexted" so it obviously wasn't a... (read in full...)
My difficult mother hasn't spoken to me since our disagreement
Q. I have a rough relationship with my mother. Growing up, she's been emotionally and verbally abusive, so as soon as i graduated college and found a job, I moved out, despite her objections. (See my previous questions if you want to understand our ...
A. 20 October 2021: Ooh, she has you very well programmed, doesn't she? 30 years ago, that could have been ME writing your post, virtually word for word. Parents can be experts at manipulating our feelings.
Here's the thing: you do not NEED your mother's approval... (read in full...)
Language barrier, temper, or both?
Q. Language barrier, temper, or both? I have been dating a man for a couple of years. I speak english , and english isn't his first language. I find he interrupts what I say completely differently than what I mean. Example: today we were texting ...
A. 19 October 2021: Why have you put up with this behaviour for a couple of years? Name calling has nothing to do with language barriers. It is just a bully's way of trying to control others. This will only escalate with time.
It must be exhausting, trying to secon... (read in full...)
My boyfriend hired a maid to clean his house now can't afford her and wants me to pay
Q. Hello and thanks My bf and I have been together for a year. He hired a maid to clean his house and now can't afford to pay her. He asked if I could help. I don't even have a maid. I'm surprised, hes healthy and quite capable of cleaning his ...
A. 19 October 2021: He sounds extremely entitled. Just because you have money (which you obviously work for) does not mean you have to spend it on his whims. If he can't afford a maid, then he should learn to clean up his own mess.
I would view this incident... (read in full...)
47 year old man never been kissed, Help!
Q. Hello. I am sure you will not believe my story, but I am telling the truth. I am a large 47 year man who has sadly for me never experienced what it is to have a girlfriend or to fall in love or even just walk with a woman holding their hand. I have ...
A. 19 October 2021: Welcome to DC. Hopefully we will be able to reassure you and give you some helpful suggestions.
Firstly, when you say you are "currently quite depressed", I am assuming you are using the term to mean "fed up" and "unhappy" as opposed to clinical... (read in full...)
I want him as a boyfriend, not just a close pal.
Q. A male co-worker has been very close to me. He shares a lot of his private thoughts, fears and vulnerabilities with me. He tells me about things that have happened in his past, and also about his family members. Actually I've never expected a person ...
A. 17 October 2021: I have to wonder, could your lack of luck in love be down to you focusing on men who are unobtainable? Do you have a history of fixating on men who are unobtainable? I ask because, judging by the language you have used in your post, you are totally ... (read in full...)
He told me I was fatter than he expected years later
Q. I've been in a relationship with a man for 3 years now (me: 23f, him 24m). Our first date is a precious memory for me. We were talking online for weeks before we met because he was out of town at the time, and met up at a small restaurant. He was so ...
A. 16 October 2021: Perhaps, in future, if you don't want to hear something, don't keep pressing for that response? You virtually put the words into his mouth, then got upset.
Here's the thing: we all pick photos to share which show us in the most flattering light. U... (read in full...)
I just found out my boyfriend use to be a sissy in high-school
Q. I recently discovered that my bf of 1.6 years was a huge sissy back in high school like super feminine. I found from some of his old female friends when I attended his high school reunion with him a few nights ago. They even said he never had a ...
A. 13 October 2021: Personally I think you should finish your relationship and let this guy find someone who accepts him 100%. If it took something as stupid and superfluous as what some random unknown (to you) person said at a reunion to completely change your mind ... (read in full...)
How can I seduce or flirt with my cousins wife
Q. How can I seduce or flirt with my cousins wife. I have caught her looking at my dick while talking to her.. should I make a move or wait until she makes the first move....
A. 12 October 2021: Don't shit on your own doorstep. You are opening a can of worms. Pursue this course of action at your own peril. There are millions of women out there; why do you need to "seduce or flirt" with (a) a married woman and (b) one who is married to a ... (read in full...)
Why not tell me to go and move on
Q. Me and my gf broke up over an argument. First time in 5 years. It was due to her always complaining about money issues. She was not working enough and kept using credit cards which one day I snapped and told her to fix her problems. We both stopped ...
A. 12 October 2021: I notice that you first write "I snapped and told her to fix her problems", then later mellow it down to "I did not do anything wrong but only ask her to fix her money problems". There is a huge difference between snapping at someone and asking them ... (read in full...)
He shared my intimate photo with somebody else. What do I do?
Q. I sent an intimate photo to the guy I’m dating. You can’t see my face and there’s no full nudity, but it’s implied. Anyway, he was at a bar the other night and he told me this woman kept hitting on him. She wouldn’t leave him alone even thoug...
A. 11 October 2021: I'm going to buck the trend here and disagree with the outrage poured out by you and some of the other aunts and uncles. I have a different perspective on this incident.
While what he did was not "classy", and he could have handled the situatio... (read in full...)
How do I deal with a neighbor who fixes things asks for gifts instead of money but then when the works is done wants the money too
Q. 16 months ago when I move in to my home I met my neighbor who is a nice friendly guy. We have a shared drive and some tiles were coming loose. He told me he would fix them. I thanked him and asked him to let me know how much he wanted for it. ...
A. 9 October 2021: On the plus side, you are very luck to have a neighbour who is able and willing to do these works as hiring in a handyman to do these jobs would cost you a lot more, even taking into account the "double payment", and that is assuming you could find ... (read in full...)
My longtime friend blocked me because I couldn't pick him up from the airport?
Q. This is a friendship question. I've been friends with this guy since sixth grade and we're both currently 34 years old. He informed me this past Thursday he was flying in to the States where I just moved (he lives in Mexico) and and asked if I cou...
A. 8 October 2021: Without some indication of the "bigger picture", it is difficult to pass judgement on whether this is an over-reaction to a single incident.
If you have a history of letting him down, then perhaps this was just the proverbial "straw which br... (read in full...)
Is my daughter wasting her time with a man 17 years older 3 kids never married
Q. My daughter is nearly 30 and is seeing a man who is 17 years older. He’s never been married but has 3 kids to two different women. He’s told her he doesn’t want anymore kids or get married. There has been a lot of ups and downs between them (more ...
A. 8 October 2021: It's difficult to stand back and watch someone you love make what you believe to be a mistake, isn't it? I feel for you. However, you already know there is nothing you can do about it. She is a grown woman who will make her own choices. "Wrong" ... (read in full...)
He's more than just a crush but I might put my job in jeopardy – Do I just go for it?
Q. I can’t stop thinking about a guy who goes to the gym I work at. He’s literally dominating my thoughts. The problem is I’m a Personal Trainer so as well as helping run the gym I’m not really supposed to date or be in a relationship with any ...
A. 6 October 2021: I'm sure there must be other gyms in the area. If it looks likely that you two will become an item (that's not a given at the moment), why not suggest he joins a different gym (if, indeed, he really wants to go to a gym)? Way down the line, if the ... (read in full...)
Unsure whether I want to continue our LDR?
Q. I met a guy online a more than a year ago and we have been together for a year now in a LDR due to COVID restrictions. We have been texting for most of the relationship and have sent voice messages to each other occasionally, but not voice call. At ...
A. 3 October 2021: Given your age in your profile and the fact you say this guy has not been in a relationship for 8 years, I am assuming he is quite a bit older than you. You would expect, therefore, that he is more mature than you and more experienced in life but ... (read in full...)
My 8 year relationship ended for the second time and I am devastated. How do I take care of my autistic son in this state of depression?
Q. I am in a great deal of emotional pain and I feel depressed, to the point where I cannot even get out of bed. And I have a son to take care of. I NEED HELP. A few days ago an eight year relationship ended for me. The man I was with was married...
A. 3 October 2021: When you posted a few weeks ago - http://www.dearcupid.org/question/are-online-dalliances-with-other-people-meaningless-or.html - I responded that your partner was not a very nice man as he put what he claimed to be "meaningless" on-line flirting ... (read in full...)
Is there anything I can do to smooth things over between my parents and my friend?
Q. When I was in high school, there was a fellow classmate, Justin, who bullied me for being gay. He was downright mean to me. We graduated about 15 years ago. Eight years ago, he got my number from a mutual friend and called me out of the blue....
A. 2 October 2021: YOU were the one being bullied by this lad. YOU have chosen to accept this guy's apology, forgive and move on. He certainly owed YOU an apology but I'm not sure he owes your parents one. Perhaps he could "meet them half way" and say something like ... (read in full...)
My married father is having an affair with my wife's sister
Q. Names have been changed here to protect identities. I've been married to my wife Tarnya for 8 years now, we've been together since 2007. The main problem here is an issue concerning my dad. I confronted him over rumors that he'd been having...
A. 1 October 2021: So your father and sister-in-law have been secretly dating for 5 years but he still hasn't left your mother? I have to wonder whether he ever will actually leave your mother, or whether he will just keep stringing his mistress along as long as it ... (read in full...)
My sister's inlaws trashed our apt by the sea and she doesn't want me to talk to them about it
Q. Several years ago my husband and I purchased a 2 bedroom apartment by the sea to use as a holiday home. We let our family and friends use it too when we don’t and we don’t charge them anything - they are responsible for buying their own...
A. 29 September 2021: As you are allowing family and friends to use the apartment free of charge, covering the running costs yourself (utilities, rates and insurance), the least you should be able to expect is that people treat it with respect and leave it as they would ... (read in full...)
| *oucannotbeserious's friends
These are mutual friends, so *oucannotbeserious has
added them and they have added *oucannotbeserious!
|
