The attraction I have to this man has caught me off guard
Q. A new guy started at my work and we've known each other for a short while now, when we first met we got on like most strangers who meet for the first time. Then one day we were both were working late and got into conversation, that we could of just ...
A. 31 October 2021: You've only known this guy a short while, shared one proper conversation with him, but you "know" he is a decent guy who will treat you well? How can you possibly know that from a short acquaintance and one conversation? You only know what he wants ... (read in full...)
I'm not sure where I stand with this guy, both sexually and otherwise
Q. I've been seeing a guy 22, I'm 33. We clicked instantly with the same interests it made it easy to talk and get into hours of conversation at a time. He said he wanted to go out and we did and had a great time. We talked for hours and it felt very ...
A. 29 October 2021: You are a 33 year old woman, hence an adult. He is a 22 year old boy, still a child (given that males usually take longer to mature than females). He is also still at school. He has different priorities in his life than you do. You are at very ... (read in full...)
Am I right to feel confused or have I just totally misread the situation with this guy?
Q. I can’t figure out if he’s giving me mixed messages or if I’m reading too much into things. A couple of years ago I briefly dated this guy before he called it off as he just wasn’t feeling it which confused me at the time as he’d seemed really ke...
A. 29 October 2021: Stop reading ANYTHING into what this guy says to you. The guy's a player. He's good at putting on an act and dangling a proverbial carrot in front of adoring females like you, then snatching it away as soon as he sees you are falling for the fakery. ... (read in full...)
My husband and I are going away for Christmas and its really upsetting my family
Q. I’ve made the decision to go away to Barbados with my husband for Christmas this year and it’s gone down like a lead balloon with my family. But the truth is every year something always kicks off in my family which spoils the whole holiday and I ...
A. 26 October 2021: You can't control any of the members of your family or what they do/say, but you sure as hell can control how you react to them and how much/little notice you take of them.
Stop taking their behaviour to heart. I know this is probably easier s... (read in full...)
I'm sick and tired of his treatment towards me. It's always about his friends and weed.
Q. Hi and thanks alot So my bf can be very abusive. Verbally abusive. Resorts to name calling at the slightest things. He wasn't like that in the beginning at first he was calm and sweet then he changed alot. Maybe the true colors appeared. ...
A. 26 October 2021: Like Honeypie, I have to wonder what you are getting out of this ersatz relationship and why you stay. Do you think you would feel any more "alone" if you got rid of him? He is verbally abusive. He refuses you any attention or affection. WHAT do you ... (read in full...)
Am I crazy for thinking this way about my family?
Q. Hello, I have had this question on my mind for a long time and I have never really discussed it with anyone. I wanted to see what other people thought. I am a son in a family of five. My relationship with my family is not the best. ...
A. 25 October 2021: My upbringing was similar in many ways to yours, so I can understand where you are coming from. Like you, I resented my parents while I was young, believing they were both "short changing" me in some way. However, when I was a little older, I found ... (read in full...)
Has anyone ever had the feeling where they feel alone even though there are people around them?
Q. Has anyone ever had the feeling where they feel alone even though there are people around them? I think I may have done this to myself. I broke up with my gf after 8.5 years and I feel very alone. It has been 11 months and I feel lonely. I have r...
A. 24 October 2021: This is an all too familiar story. It is so often the case that the person who is always available and willing to support others gets no support when THEY need it. One of the reasons is, as you have said, because people assume they are strong and ... (read in full...)
How do I tell the my brothers/sisters I don't have the money to have them for Christmas?
Q. Dear Cupid , I'm a single woman and share a Condo with My Mother in her 60's .. Every Holiday for the past 16 years both My Siblings a Older Brother and a Married Sister with 4 Children have never volentered to have a Holiday at their Home. I ...
A. 22 October 2021: This is happening because you are allowing it. I completely understand it is not easy to stand your ground and say "no" when it is "traditional" that you do this, but your family are taking advantage of your good nature. Sometimes there is a very ... (read in full...)
How do I have sex with my aunt in the bedroom
Q. my aunt has romantic feelings for me and i feel the same way with her, and she keeps staring at me sexually and it kind of turns me on the way she does that. and i wish that we could make love in the bedroom (with protection of course) and as a teen ...
A. 22 October 2021: Really, you have no other options for sex than your aunt?
You can do anything you like in life but you should first consider whether you are willing to pay the price. The price of fulfilling your fantasy with your aunt could be a big family b... (read in full...)
I miss my crush so much but I probably won’t ever see him again.
Q. My crush got laid off due to covid last week and I miss him so much, I feel like I have a big black hole inside me. I wish I could say I was exaggerating but I really am not. I have rarely had crushes throughout my life, so when I have one it is...
A. 22 October 2021: Firstly, your manager would be breaking all sorts of data protection rules if they were to give you this guy's number. Any manager with half an ounce of sense will not do this because they would risk their job. You shouldn't even put your manager in ... (read in full...)
My husband wants me to get pregnant by his gay friend
Q. I have been with my husband for 3.5 years, but we've been together for 9 years in total. The big issue here is kids, we both want them, yet my husband has other ideas about how and it's caused arguments. He wants me to sleep with his frien...
A. 21 October 2021: Sorry but there's something missing here. This is not normal behaviour for ANYONE, let alone a man who you profess is a "good man" and with whom you have a satisfying sex life.
Some theories which come immediately to mind:
1. Your husband kno... (read in full...)
Our conversations have quickly escalated into sexting
Q. I approached a guy (call him ALEX) on social media. Alex is the cousin of one of my sister's friend. We didn't know each other then. I wrote to him to say hi. But the convo escalated quickly into about sex. And we sexted. I immediately regretted it ...
A. 20 October 2021: Had to smile to myself that you thought because he had a decent job he couldn't be a sexual deviant. The two things are not mutually exclusive. Most sexual deviants hold down respectable jobs.
I notice you say "WE sexted" so it obviously wasn't a... (read in full...)
My difficult mother hasn't spoken to me since our disagreement
Q. I have a rough relationship with my mother. Growing up, she's been emotionally and verbally abusive, so as soon as i graduated college and found a job, I moved out, despite her objections. (See my previous questions if you want to understand our ...
A. 20 October 2021: Ooh, she has you very well programmed, doesn't she? 30 years ago, that could have been ME writing your post, virtually word for word. Parents can be experts at manipulating our feelings.
Here's the thing: you do not NEED your mother's approval... (read in full...)
Language barrier, temper, or both?
Q. Language barrier, temper, or both? I have been dating a man for a couple of years. I speak english , and english isn't his first language. I find he interrupts what I say completely differently than what I mean. Example: today we were texting ...
A. 19 October 2021: Why have you put up with this behaviour for a couple of years? Name calling has nothing to do with language barriers. It is just a bully's way of trying to control others. This will only escalate with time.
It must be exhausting, trying to secon... (read in full...)
My boyfriend hired a maid to clean his house now can't afford her and wants me to pay
Q. Hello and thanks My bf and I have been together for a year. He hired a maid to clean his house and now can't afford to pay her. He asked if I could help. I don't even have a maid. I'm surprised, hes healthy and quite capable of cleaning his ...
A. 19 October 2021: He sounds extremely entitled. Just because you have money (which you obviously work for) does not mean you have to spend it on his whims. If he can't afford a maid, then he should learn to clean up his own mess.
I would view this incident... (read in full...)
47 year old man never been kissed, Help!
Q. Hello. I am sure you will not believe my story, but I am telling the truth. I am a large 47 year man who has sadly for me never experienced what it is to have a girlfriend or to fall in love or even just walk with a woman holding their hand. I have ...
A. 19 October 2021: Welcome to DC. Hopefully we will be able to reassure you and give you some helpful suggestions.
Firstly, when you say you are "currently quite depressed", I am assuming you are using the term to mean "fed up" and "unhappy" as opposed to clinical... (read in full...)
I want him as a boyfriend, not just a close pal.
Q. A male co-worker has been very close to me. He shares a lot of his private thoughts, fears and vulnerabilities with me. He tells me about things that have happened in his past, and also about his family members. Actually I've never expected a person ...
A. 17 October 2021: I have to wonder, could your lack of luck in love be down to you focusing on men who are unobtainable? Do you have a history of fixating on men who are unobtainable? I ask because, judging by the language you have used in your post, you are totally ... (read in full...)
He told me I was fatter than he expected years later
Q. I've been in a relationship with a man for 3 years now (me: 23f, him 24m). Our first date is a precious memory for me. We were talking online for weeks before we met because he was out of town at the time, and met up at a small restaurant. He was so ...
A. 16 October 2021: Perhaps, in future, if you don't want to hear something, don't keep pressing for that response? You virtually put the words into his mouth, then got upset.
Here's the thing: we all pick photos to share which show us in the most flattering light. U... (read in full...)
I just found out my boyfriend use to be a sissy in high-school
Q. I recently discovered that my bf of 1.6 years was a huge sissy back in high school like super feminine. I found from some of his old female friends when I attended his high school reunion with him a few nights ago. They even said he never had a ...
A. 13 October 2021: Personally I think you should finish your relationship and let this guy find someone who accepts him 100%. If it took something as stupid and superfluous as what some random unknown (to you) person said at a reunion to completely change your mind ... (read in full...)
How can I seduce or flirt with my cousins wife
Q. How can I seduce or flirt with my cousins wife. I have caught her looking at my dick while talking to her.. should I make a move or wait until she makes the first move....
A. 12 October 2021: Don't shit on your own doorstep. You are opening a can of worms. Pursue this course of action at your own peril. There are millions of women out there; why do you need to "seduce or flirt" with (a) a married woman and (b) one who is married to a ... (read in full...)
Why not tell me to go and move on
Q. Me and my gf broke up over an argument. First time in 5 years. It was due to her always complaining about money issues. She was not working enough and kept using credit cards which one day I snapped and told her to fix her problems. We both stopped ...
A. 12 October 2021: I notice that you first write "I snapped and told her to fix her problems", then later mellow it down to "I did not do anything wrong but only ask her to fix her money problems". There is a huge difference between snapping at someone and asking them ... (read in full...)
He shared my intimate photo with somebody else. What do I do?
Q. I sent an intimate photo to the guy I’m dating. You can’t see my face and there’s no full nudity, but it’s implied. Anyway, he was at a bar the other night and he told me this woman kept hitting on him. She wouldn’t leave him alone even thoug...
A. 11 October 2021: I'm going to buck the trend here and disagree with the outrage poured out by you and some of the other aunts and uncles. I have a different perspective on this incident.
While what he did was not "classy", and he could have handled the situatio... (read in full...)
How do I deal with a neighbor who fixes things asks for gifts instead of money but then when the works is done wants the money too
Q. 16 months ago when I move in to my home I met my neighbor who is a nice friendly guy. We have a shared drive and some tiles were coming loose. He told me he would fix them. I thanked him and asked him to let me know how much he wanted for it. ...
A. 9 October 2021: On the plus side, you are very luck to have a neighbour who is able and willing to do these works as hiring in a handyman to do these jobs would cost you a lot more, even taking into account the "double payment", and that is assuming you could find ... (read in full...)
My longtime friend blocked me because I couldn't pick him up from the airport?
Q. This is a friendship question. I've been friends with this guy since sixth grade and we're both currently 34 years old. He informed me this past Thursday he was flying in to the States where I just moved (he lives in Mexico) and and asked if I cou...
A. 8 October 2021: Without some indication of the "bigger picture", it is difficult to pass judgement on whether this is an over-reaction to a single incident.
If you have a history of letting him down, then perhaps this was just the proverbial "straw which br... (read in full...)
Is my daughter wasting her time with a man 17 years older 3 kids never married
Q. My daughter is nearly 30 and is seeing a man who is 17 years older. He’s never been married but has 3 kids to two different women. He’s told her he doesn’t want anymore kids or get married. There has been a lot of ups and downs between them (more ...
A. 8 October 2021: It's difficult to stand back and watch someone you love make what you believe to be a mistake, isn't it? I feel for you. However, you already know there is nothing you can do about it. She is a grown woman who will make her own choices. "Wrong" ... (read in full...)
He's more than just a crush but I might put my job in jeopardy – Do I just go for it?
Q. I can’t stop thinking about a guy who goes to the gym I work at. He’s literally dominating my thoughts. The problem is I’m a Personal Trainer so as well as helping run the gym I’m not really supposed to date or be in a relationship with any ...
A. 6 October 2021: I'm sure there must be other gyms in the area. If it looks likely that you two will become an item (that's not a given at the moment), why not suggest he joins a different gym (if, indeed, he really wants to go to a gym)? Way down the line, if the ... (read in full...)
Unsure whether I want to continue our LDR?
Q. I met a guy online a more than a year ago and we have been together for a year now in a LDR due to COVID restrictions. We have been texting for most of the relationship and have sent voice messages to each other occasionally, but not voice call. At ...
A. 3 October 2021: Given your age in your profile and the fact you say this guy has not been in a relationship for 8 years, I am assuming he is quite a bit older than you. You would expect, therefore, that he is more mature than you and more experienced in life but ... (read in full...)
My 8 year relationship ended for the second time and I am devastated. How do I take care of my autistic son in this state of depression?
Q. I am in a great deal of emotional pain and I feel depressed, to the point where I cannot even get out of bed. And I have a son to take care of. I NEED HELP. A few days ago an eight year relationship ended for me. The man I was with was married...
A. 3 October 2021: When you posted a few weeks ago - http://www.dearcupid.org/question/are-online-dalliances-with-other-people-meaningless-or.html - I responded that your partner was not a very nice man as he put what he claimed to be "meaningless" on-line flirting ... (read in full...)
Is there anything I can do to smooth things over between my parents and my friend?
Q. When I was in high school, there was a fellow classmate, Justin, who bullied me for being gay. He was downright mean to me. We graduated about 15 years ago. Eight years ago, he got my number from a mutual friend and called me out of the blue....
A. 2 October 2021: YOU were the one being bullied by this lad. YOU have chosen to accept this guy's apology, forgive and move on. He certainly owed YOU an apology but I'm not sure he owes your parents one. Perhaps he could "meet them half way" and say something like ... (read in full...)
My married father is having an affair with my wife's sister
Q. Names have been changed here to protect identities. I've been married to my wife Tarnya for 8 years now, we've been together since 2007. The main problem here is an issue concerning my dad. I confronted him over rumors that he'd been having...
A. 1 October 2021: So your father and sister-in-law have been secretly dating for 5 years but he still hasn't left your mother? I have to wonder whether he ever will actually leave your mother, or whether he will just keep stringing his mistress along as long as it ... (read in full...)
My sister's inlaws trashed our apt by the sea and she doesn't want me to talk to them about it
Q. Several years ago my husband and I purchased a 2 bedroom apartment by the sea to use as a holiday home. We let our family and friends use it too when we don’t and we don’t charge them anything - they are responsible for buying their own...
A. 29 September 2021: As you are allowing family and friends to use the apartment free of charge, covering the running costs yourself (utilities, rates and insurance), the least you should be able to expect is that people treat it with respect and leave it as they would ... (read in full...)
Am I been over sensitive?
Q. Am I been over sensitive? My boyfriend of 5 month is constantly hanging up on me in mid flow of a conversation. We can be talking on the phone and he just says bye I’ve got to go and hangs up. It’s really annoying and I have ended up telling...
A. 29 September 2021: I suspect there is possibly one of two things going on here: he is in a situation where he needs to end the conversation (work/in a family situation) or he ends the conversation abruptly because he is fed up of it for whatever reason. I used to do ... (read in full...)
I met a man online years ago but everything seems to be at my cost
Q. Hello, I met a man online years ago but everything seems to be at my cost. He wants marriage at my financial cost. He wants to move here, at my financial cost. Yes, I went to see him several times in his country at my cost I understand th...
A. 28 September 2021: You have a gut instinct for good reason: to warn you when something is not "quite right" and to protect you from it. Your gut instinct is telling you that you were used and that you will be used going forward, but only if YOU allow it. Sounds like ... (read in full...)
My husband was very secretive about applying for a new job and now wants to uproot the whole family
Q. I'm writing in because I don't know how to cope with this situation, despite my job. I'm a social worker in my 40s, with a 13-year-old daughter, and I've been with my husband since he was 22, but married since we were 26. We live in Texas, bu...
A. 26 September 2021: Wow! I can't believe your husband made such a decision unilaterally and presented you with a fait accompli! He obviously worked on the premise that it is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
I can't help wondering if his new job will be ... (read in full...)
I lost him in a car accident 6 years ago but I haven't been able to completely let go
Q. Thanks for reading I was engaged to to a man who I lost in 2015 due to a tragic car accident. Unfortunately, I was there and witnessed the whole thing. It took me along time not to replay everything in my head. Took me along time to sleep at...
A. 26 September 2021: I'm so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine how difficult that was for you. However, 6 years later, by your own admission "life is easier" so you have managed to get through the worst part.
When we lose someone, I am not sure we EVER "let go ... (read in full...)
I'm being told I'm the father of a baby but she won't do a DNA test
Q. A girl I had a one night stand with says she’s pregnant with my baby and has been harassing me for weeks but we used a condom when we did it, so I don’t see how it could be mine. We slept together about 2 months ago after meeting in a club. It was ...
A. 25 September 2021: Check it out but I am pretty sure she cannot just put your name on the birth certificate in the UK without your permission. I am pretty sure you have to attend in person and sign something to this effect. As I said, check it out to make sure this is ... (read in full...)
Should a guy have sex with a girl when still dating or before marriage?
Q. Dear cupids,i need advice.I've been on several blind dates until i got a girl i wanted.BUT she's asking for sex, must i?...
A. 24 September 2021: It is your body and it is your right to say what happens to it. Nobody should ever allow someone to talk them into doing something with which they are not comfortable.
You need to be honest and up-front with this girl if you don't want sex. Be ... (read in full...)
Any advice on how I can totally let go during sex and show him how much he means to me?
Q. Hello all, Just looking for some advice on my new relationship. I'm a 33 year old female and my partner is a 24 year old male. We've been together for around five months. I've never been in a relationship with a younger man before but he's ve...
A. 24 September 2021: I think the first thing you need to do is get past these assumptions you have about why he is with you. He is with you because he likes you. He is not with you for your career, or your independence, your home or your experience.
He obviousl... (read in full...)
Do I confront my cousin or leave it?
Q. In 2019 my husband and I got married. We had a very lavish wedding costing us around £50,000. We both worked extremely hard for a couple of years and made lots of sacrifices to be able to pay for it- we didn’t have any handouts. My cous...
A. 24 September 2021: Assuming your goal is to get back on friendly terms with your cousin, "confronting" her is not the way forward. In your shoes I would send her a nice card, saying something like "I'm not sure why you have chosen to cut me out of your life but have ... (read in full...)
Our LDR went from being fine to him saying he couldn't do it anymore
Q. I started a long distance relationship in June 2021 I am in northern california and he is in southern. We had met through a gathering at a restaurant in LA when I was down there in April 2021. We started talking often and right when we decided to ...
A. 23 September 2021: In my experience, relationships which go from zero to 100 very quickly (like yours did) often end the same way, but in reverse, because (a) the "love" is built on a fantasy and (b) there is no true substance to them. As soon as anything does not fit ... (read in full...)
Should I change my plans for her son's 18th birthday?
Q. The question I'm needing help with is this: is it okay to NOT go to my girlfriend's son's 18th birthday celebration? Here is the background: I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about 10 years and, therefore, have been a part...
A. 23 September 2021: Ask yourself what you will regret missing more. This boy is like a son to you. Can you miss ONE football game to attend his special birthday party?
Put yourself in HIS shoes and ask yourself how he will feel if someone so close to him is missing ... (read in full...)
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