| Latest articles: How to spot trolls
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 December 2021: How to spot our regular troll(s) 1) Our troll loves to give their characters names. Most of our genuine posters don't do this. They refer to "my boyfriend" or "my mother" or "my best friend" but our troll talks about "Tarnya" or "Brooke" or "Lup...
Let go of your hate
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 July 2016: A thought for the day (or for tomorrow since it's nearly midnight) Not too long ago I was in a play. In the final scene I had to stare at someone with complete contempt. I searched my soul and into that stare I poured every single bit of hatred I ...
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How can I find a way to trust my boyfriend? Because I feel I can't trust him
Q. PLEASE HELP ME. I am at the END of my rope. I have been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years and I just CANNOT trust him no matter what. No matter what he says or does. I CANNOT trust him. I CANNOT DO IT. It is making me paranoid, jealous, ins...
A. 16 September 2016: Is this guy still married to someone else?... (read in full...)
What can I do to make myself feel a little more comfortable and less nervous?
Q. Hey Everyone, I am taking part in the School Show and for my part I have to kiss someone. I don't mind but I have never kissed a boy before so I am really nervous. What can I do to make myself feel a little more comfortable and less nervous?...
A. 9 September 2016: Well, this is a school show so I doubt the shows director (presumably your drama teacher) is going to want you to do a full passionate snog.
If you are using a traditional "proscenium arch" style theatre (elevated stage at one end of the room and... (read in full...)
Guys never hit on me and I think it's because I have a big nose. Should I get a nose job?
Q. I never/barely get hit on by men. I see other women get hit on men frequently, but men do not frequently hit on me. Only homeless men or guys I don't find attractive will call me beautiful out of nowhere. Once in a blue moon, I will catch a guy ...
A. 21 August 2016: Well, here's a slightly different view
25 years ago - I was you. Guys were never interested in me and I had a massive conk.
I went down the plastic surgery route and I have never regretted it. I now have a nose that fits my face.
Guys st... (read in full...)
Does this checkout operator have a crush on my BF?
Q. Recently I was standing in the local store with my boyfriend standing behind me,waiting to pay for our purchases separately! However the female assistant blushed when she realised she was going to see me through the checkout. She kept her composu...
A. 21 August 2016: My guess is that, behind your back, your boyfriend is a massive flirt, if it's not just this check-out woman who goes a bit ga-ga when she sees him. Mature adult women generally don't behave like this unless they've been given encouragement.... (read in full...)
Why do some exes reach out after some time has passed only to go cold again?
Q. I was with my ex on and off for few years and we live 4 hours apart.We finally broke it off for good when he met someone else closer.However, he started to reach out to more than year later.He left several messages on fb , telling me that he misses ...
A. 6 August 2016: He was probably just at a loose end and feeling a little bit low and nostalgic when he initiated contact with you again. (And possibly a bit drunk?)
My guess is that he had probably just broken up with a girlfriend (and they've subseque... (read in full...)
My girlfriend won't let me touch her. What do I do?
Q. Hi there. I'm looking for some guidance. I've been seeing a girl for a couple of months now and she barely touches me. I think I should maybe point out I am a very affectionate guy. I know I have a very high sex drive. My previous relation...
A. 31 July 2016: I'm taking it that you two are already sexually active as you talk about "cuddling at night" so it's not a case of her wanting to "take it slow" as some of the other posters imply.
You've only been dating a few months and, although this is the h... (read in full...)
How can I stop being so miserable?
Q. How can I change my negative mindset ; it seems I'm never satrafied and I have hit a rock bottom lately now that my relationship is over - in the grand scheme of themes the short relationship I was in wasn't great - he wasn't a great guy and I ...
A. 26 July 2016: Have you been to the doctor because it sounds like you are clinically depressed and short term medication may be of benefit to you in addition to your therapy.
And it sounds like it's time to start getting out there and making new friends if your ... (read in full...)
Why do men act the way they do ? Not replying? Changing plans at last minute?
Q. Im hoping a few men will reply to this. I want to know why men do and say things the way they do . If a woman asks a basic question like how you doing fancy meeting up next week ? and the man has seen the message but doesnt reply and its been 5 d...
A. 26 July 2016: I agree with HoneyPie and the anonymous male. Guys who do this are just not that into you. They like you enough to keep you around for a rainy day but not enough to make you a priority.
And some people are just unreliable and inconsid... (read in full...)
Why do I always have pain when we have doggy style sex?
Q. hello everyone, please i have a question, I don't know if something is wrong with me each time my husband and i try to do the doggie style I always feel pain in my stomach so we will end up stoping it, and this is the style my husband love most ...
A. 26 July 2016: Well, if you seriously think there's something wrong with you, get yourself checked out by a doctor.
My guess however is that you have a sensitive cervix. Doggy style is a position that allows the penis to penetrate quite deeply (that's why so m... (read in full...)
Are the scratches on my boyfriend's chest consistent with cheating?
Q. Hello everyone. I am having a hard time with a situation I am in. I have nobody to turn to so I am hoping I can get some good advice here. My boyfriend and I have been together for several years. He and I were together a couple of days a...
A. 17 July 2016: We can't possibly know whether he has been cheating or not - we can't see the scratches.
Since he has almost identical marks on either side of his torso. I'm more inclined to guess that's it's some mild irritation caused by seams on a shirt or... (read in full...)
Why would a Bf not like his Gf to wear makeup?
Q. 15 year old girl. I met this guy and he's really awesome in all the right ways. When I met him I was all done up. He tells me not to wear makeup. He allows me to get my brows done and straighten my hair but I wore a little bit of makeup on a date (...
A. 9 July 2016: If this guy is "telling" you or "allowing" you to do (or not do) certain things, then he is controlling and you should get rid of him ASAP.
No-one's partner should dictate to them like this or "get mad" if their partner doesn't share their vi... (read in full...)
Going no contact isn’t easy, so how do I make sure I’m not swayed by his efforts?
Q. Since my original question regarding my narcissist, we have gotten back together and just recently I discarded him because I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. All of the motional turmoil hit me all at once and I vocalized myself to my ...
A. 9 July 2016: 1) Delete and block his phone numbers. Delete all his texts. Go through your phone carefully and make sure his number is gone from all your call logs etc. This is to make it harder for you to text and call him
2) Better still, change your phone nu... (read in full...)
I need beach date ideas!
Q. so i have been on a couple dates with this guy and i suggested a beach date and he said ok so we are going to the beach but we havent decided more than that . What are some cute fun flirty things I could do with him on the beach? How can I make my ...
A. 1 July 2016: Build a sandcastle together. Or hire a pedalo... (read in full...)
Not sure if 'No' means no for good
Q. Asked a female out for a drink from the office of where I work and she said she would get back to me. And she did, unfortunately it wasn't good news. It was a rejection reply. I absolutely hate them. Anyway she explained she wasn't able to see me ...
A. 25 June 2016: A few questions for you first...
Why do you think she is "lying"? What do you think she's lying about? Being busy or about not wanting to date you? And she may well be lying because it's easier and (more polite) for a girl to say "No thanks, ... (read in full...)
Can a friend forget about you while they are away?
Q. I have a friend who is abroad at the moment, she hasn't spoken to me for three to four weeks. I've not heard from her by social media and I'm beginning to lose patience. She's helping abroad and providing water to disadvantaged people and trying t...
A. 20 June 2016: When my friends go abroad on the kind of adventure that your friend is, I don't expect to hear from the at all. It's not always easy to get to a computer in some remote areas. I simply wait until they get back and pick up where we left off and hear ... (read in full...)
What do you miss about an ex that makes you want them back?
Q. Hey! This is mainly a question for guys out there - I'm just wondering; when you think about an ex that you would still want back, what are the reasons you miss them or hold on to them still? (apart from loving them etc) - Maybe qualities they h...
A. 20 June 2016: It depends if he's the dumper or the dumpee... (read in full...)
How can I best support my friend who's sister in law is causing trouble by being controlling?
Q. I need advice for my friend who has been married going on 2 years her husband s oldest sister is very controlling etc she wont give up the title of power of attorney still wonts to control his money. My friend stays stressed and worried when bil...
A. 6 June 2016: I would encourage them to seek legal advice to see if the power of attorney could be switched to someone else.
Perhaps there are different laws in the US to the UK or maybe "power of attorney" means something different across the pond but I can't ... (read in full...)
What happened to 'live and let live' ? Why is 'slut shaming' and misogyny becoming prevalent in society today?
Q. Maybe some of you remember a book called " Backlash " by Pulitzer winner Susan Faludi, in which she argued for the existence of a media driven " backlash " aimed to invalidate the feminist progresses of the 70's. Now, I don't know if Faludi w...
A. 13 May 2016: I think these misogynists have ALWAYS been there. What they have now is a voice.
Back in the 90's we didn't have the internet and the world-wide-web. Well, some people had a ropey old dial-up connection but it's certainly a far cry from today wh... (read in full...)
Should I ask my co-worker out to lunch?
Q. I am interested in my coworker. Should I ask her out to dinner? Signs (I think) she likes me: 1) The way she looks at me. I could just be entranced by her eyes/smile. 2) She eats her lunch when I do. I asked her to lunch today and she said ...
A. 13 May 2016: Definitely ask her. It certainly sounds like she might be receptive. And even if she ends up just being friendly and doesn't want a date - she obviously likes you enough to tell you nicely. I'm sure she won't think it's weird or creepy or ... (read in full...)
Did I miss the red flags on our first dates?
Q. I was wondering if I had missed this red flag? On a first date with a guy he mentioned his ex. He went a little into detail saying he had a 16 year old son and that he had to take his ex to court to get access to him. This I believe was some yea...
A. 13 May 2016: From what you write, I agree with Ivy: I can't see any glaring red flags that you missed.
When you're planning on dating someone exclusively, at some point they will need to mention the fact that they have kids or an unreasonable ex partner ... (read in full...)
Ex' is haunting my dreams
Q. Just trying to understand this situation here. I've been in an relationship for nearly 3 years now and I'm very happy. Looking for a house together soon so things are going well. The concerning thing is i've started having repetitive dream...
A. 3 May 2016: I agree with Chigirl dreams are usually symbolic or reflective of what's going on in your life right now rather than having any great laden meaning.
For example - I always dream about an ex when I've just broken up. Not the ex I've just broken u... (read in full...)
Did he just need some time for himself? Or was my Bf trying to create distance between us?
Q. Would you be upset with your long time BF if you just spent two weeks on vacation and the last two days you had together when you got back back home he did not stay at your place? Instead he went back to his for some "me" time? He could have s...
A. 2 May 2016: I think I'd be disappointed but then I'd reverse the thought and feel better.
I'd love it if my boyfriend agreed to spending the last couple of days staying with me before returning to the grind of work..... BUT... if it was ME that had to stay ... (read in full...)
What should I do to prevent him from disturbing me?
Q. I’m 25plus and my guy whom am dating 30plus we both love each other so much and there was one of his best male friend he introduced me to, we both went to his house together but after that day my guy thought he is dating him secretly or we’ve know...
A. 1 May 2016: Get a new telephone number so he can't call you and only give the new number to people you can trust so they won't give it out to other people.... (read in full...)
When travelling, what are your pet peeves about the people you meet and the places you visit outside of your own country?
Q. This is not a relationship issue, it's just something recreational if any of you wants to humour me up. So : yesterday I was reading on a travellers' forum a thread called "Why Italians are so rude." Now, .. Italian can be rude, I am not argui...
A. 1 May 2016: I'm echoing janniepeg - "my own nation" often bother me most abroad!
I'm a dual national and my student years were spent flitting between two countries.I found myself highly irritated by Cypriot men whilst in the UK - they seemed too suave an... (read in full...)
Was this a normal variation for a penis shape?
Q. Hey guys, so I have a question that's gonna hit a rather touchy area, especially for men, so please keep in mind; I have very little sexual experience (I've never had full intercourse)! So I was recently dumped by a long term boyfriend, and a friend...
A. 29 April 2016: Just a thought - you're British where circumcision isn't commonplace and sexually inexperienced so perhaps this is the first circumcised male you've encountered. It does give the "bell end" a much more prominent appearance then when it's covered ... (read in full...)
Are there any life reasons anyone can suggest for why my brother seems uninterested in forming friendships and or relationships?
Q. Dear everyone I'm not sure if this question is suited to this site, but I found everyone on here to be thoughtful the previous time i used it so i thought i'd try again. I wonder if my brother has some sort of mental condition that hasn't bee...
A. 29 April 2016: I agree with Chigirl who mentioned that he might be Schizoid. This is nothing to do with schizophrenia which is a mental health illness. It's more of a personality type where someone appears to live their life apart from other people and seems to ... (read in full...)
How many women get pregnant because they hate their jobs?
Q. Im curious what people reckon is the proportion of women that have a baby because they don't want to work (or hate their job)?...
A. 23 April 2016: I'm sure that there are SOME women in the UK who make this choice but it's probably not nearly as many as you think. My sister (who is a research fellow in the sociology department at a very prestigious university) has done a lot of research into ... (read in full...)
How can I change my bad attitude towards other people?
Q. What is the best thing to do so I can change my attitude towards others. I have a bad attitude and this is towards anyone I have tried changing it but when I was nice and respectful others took advantage and treated me very unfair. I was ...
A. 22 April 2016: Is it possible for you to take some assertiveness training? Learning to be assertive means that you can stand up for yourself and not be taken advantage of but still be polite and cordial and not come across as aggressive or bitchy.
And might it... (read in full...)
Could a man lose interest in a sex buddy as fast as a few weeks?
Q. There's this guy who I have started having sex with. (I told him that I wasn't looking for a relationship. He's fine with that.) So we started to have sex and he was my first time. A couple times he has gone a two weeks without needing to see m...
A. 21 April 2016: I'm sure he did have fun with you but he probably has a lot of fun doing other things too - his other girl(s), his family, his friends, his job.
If you're just a fuck-buddy then you need to accept that you will be deprioritised much of the time... (read in full...)
Should I be concerned about my wife's strange sexual dreams?
Q. My wife and I have been together for 40 years, and our sex lives have always been 'satisfactory', nothing out of the ordinary really, only occasionally doing something rather daring. However, about six months ago she started taking medicati...
A. 19 April 2016: You didn't say what the medication was so I shall hazard a guess instead. (It was a genuine question when I asked earlier - not a facetious "I'll have what she's having" kinda comment.)
My guess is that the medication is called Mirtazip... (read in full...)
Is it normal for vaginal area skin to have darker pigmentation that the surrounding skin?
Q. I am a 20 yr old female who is Caucasian and my skin tone is quite pale. This is embarrassing but my outer vagina lips and also the area near my anus is a very dark brownish color. It's several shades darker than my inner thighs and the rest of ...
A. 18 April 2016: Yes. It's quite normal... (read in full...)
Should I be concerned about my wife's strange sexual dreams?
Q. My wife and I have been together for 40 years, and our sex lives have always been 'satisfactory', nothing out of the ordinary really, only occasionally doing something rather daring. However, about six months ago she started taking medicati...
A. 18 April 2016: What's the medication? (The generic name not the brand name)... (read in full...)
Have any ladies ever been rejected in asking a man out?
Q. Girls have you ever approached a guy and had him reject you? I am not talking about being dumped. I am talking about when you meet a guy, you put yourself out there and ask him out and he shoots you down. I have this theory. Most girls seem to ...
A. 15 April 2016: I have "done the asking" quite a few times. I have been both accepted and rejected. Did the rejections bother me? Yes, a bit. I felt disappointed, a bit sad
Not sure how old I was the first time - probably about 14 - and that one hurt the most. It... (read in full...)
Would it be too forward to invite him out for a drink before I leave?
Q. There's a guy who works in the same company as me, just in a different office (same city) and he's my superior. He's definitely older but I'm not sure how old.. he doesn't wear a wedding ring. All this to say that we've exchanged a couple of flirty ...
A. 13 April 2016: I don't see why you shouldn't ask him out for a drink together before you leave. Some people might think it's "forward" but it's only a drink you're suggesting so I think you should go for it.
But as for your other questions: Would he be interest... (read in full...)
Ladies, how would you react to your boyfriend sending you flowers?
Q. Hi All Ive been dating quite a while now, things are good generally I do get her the occasional 'just because' gifts, her fave choccies, an engraved pen when she started a new job etc- nothing too overboard though. I would like to get h...
A. 13 April 2016: I agree with the others. Keep the flowers out of the workplace. It's kinda like being forced to show off.
If you really want to send a gift to the work place, send her one of those graze boxes. It's a nice cute thing to do and far more subtle t... (read in full...)
Is it bad for me to get him before the date, or should we meet up at the intended destination?
Q. So it's time for our second date, and he's back in school. His school is like 5-10 mins from where we are going so he asked if I could get him on the way. I'm being advised by my friends not to do it. They feel if I do, it makes me the guy in th...
A. 11 April 2016: Depending on how well you know him, I don't see what's wrong with you picking him up. I'd say no if you'd only just met him - but that would be for the sake of safety rather than dating etiquette.
And as for paying for dates - well, it's nice if ... (read in full...)
I need my mother to understand why I want to move out!
Q. Hello everyone, I'm 24, employed and living at home. I've been helping out with bills etc and when my mom told me she was buying a house with my stepfather I got concerned because I've been wanting to move out for ages. She doesn't make a lot and ...
A. 8 April 2016: Unfortunately, we can never MAKE anybody understand something or change their minds if they have firmly entrenched beliefs. We can talk and explain until we're blue in the face but we can't MAKE them.
But you're 24, earning your own wage and livi... (read in full...)
His re-actions don't support his words that 'he can't wait to be married to me'. What should I do?
Q. When I go to my fiance's house and he's watching a movie he won't stop it to talk to me when I hug him he acts like he doesn't want to be touched. Is this normal for a guy? He tells me he can't wait to marry me but I feel unimportant to him....
A. 5 April 2016: Is it just being a bit distant while he's watching a movie that's the issue? Or are there other instances where you feel shut out or unimportant?
If it's just the movie issue - I don't think it's altogether unusual for a guy to become a little d... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is blowing hot and cold
Q. When my recently divorced boyfriend rows with his ex about their teenage daughter he shuts down and doesnt want to see me. They do not get on at all and all contact is via e mails. This has happened in the last month and we have been together ...
A. 5 April 2016: Your recently divorced boyfriend isn't ready to date yet. No matter how dead their marriage was, he's still having to deal with the aftermath and process his emotions. His life simply hasn't had time to settle yet.
So you'll simply have to give ... (read in full...)
How is a move to a new area and a new school likely to affect a 13 year old boy who is not very outgoing at present?
Q. What do people think of moving a 13 year old boy to a new school in a new location? Would it be a complete disaster or would he adapt? The reason is that my widowed partner and I are nearing our mid sixties and want to downsize and relocate...
A. 27 March 2016: If this young man doesn't make friends easily, I'm tempted to advise you to wait until he has taken his GSCEs unless you're in a position to have completed your move before this September when the new academic year has started.
He will need to ... (read in full...)
I messed up again, or maybe for the 11th time! Advice on how to get her back?
Q. I'm 20 about to be 21 she's 17 about to be 18 We meet each other in high school We worked together for atleast a year I was dating a girl Broke up with her to be with the girl I'm currently with Then broke Up with her and go back with the o...
A. 7 March 2016: Well, you say you've lost her for good so it's difficult to know how to advise you after the except except to move on and take a long hard look at yourself and your behaviour so you don't go down the same road.
You list the reasons for you brea... (read in full...)
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