| Latest articles: How to spot trolls
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 December 2021: How to spot our regular troll(s) 1) Our troll loves to give their characters names. Most of our genuine posters don't do this. They refer to "my boyfriend" or "my mother" or "my best friend" but our troll talks about "Tarnya" or "Brooke" or "Lup...
Let go of your hate
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 July 2016: A thought for the day (or for tomorrow since it's nearly midnight) Not too long ago I was in a play. In the final scene I had to stare at someone with complete contempt. I searched my soul and into that stare I poured every single bit of hatred I ...
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How should we respond? My husband's ex has threatened to abandon the children on our doorstep, if we don't agree to take them at a time convenient for her.
Q. We could do with some help solving a problem please. My husband has recently been made redundant(with one week pay) and was offered an opportunity to go on a course to improve his skills and at the end, secure a new job which he was so excited a...
A. 12 March 2017: The other thing you can do is raise the issue with the children's school and they might be able to suggest transport alternatives which will let your husband take that training course and not keep you out of pocket.
I'm sorry that this doesn't ... (read in full...)
Is this normal? I have never been so happy about ending a relationship.
Q. Hello. I have a very short question for those who have enough knowledge about star signs(if you don't you may google info). Short story: I am a capricorn female (21) my boyfriend (now ex) is a Pisces (23). Our relationship was full of drama bu...
A. 12 March 2017: Is it normal to feel happy/relieved at the end of a relationship?
Well, I've certainly flt relieved in the past and I'm sure lots of other people have felt the same.
Perhaps some of what you're feeling is a sense of empowerment. You... (read in full...)
How should we respond? My husband's ex has threatened to abandon the children on our doorstep, if we don't agree to take them at a time convenient for her.
Q. We could do with some help solving a problem please. My husband has recently been made redundant(with one week pay) and was offered an opportunity to go on a course to improve his skills and at the end, secure a new job which he was so excited a...
A. 12 March 2017: So this wouldn't be so much of an issue if you had two cars?
I suggest you ask the kids Mum for money to cover the school run by taxi. If she refuses I suggest that you call social services now to ask if they can provide help with getting the chil... (read in full...)
Is it wrong for for teenage son to just wear boxers around the house after school?
Q. Is it wrong for for teenage son to just wear boxers around the house after school? This started happening a few months back and while it is not the end of the world it just seems out of the norm. He will change if we have visitors other then fami...
A. 11 March 2017: My brother did this all the time when he was a teenager. What I took offence at most at the time is that he would wear tatty, salmon pink Y-fronts which my mother had bought him when he was 13! So I guess it is quite normal. We did live in a very ... (read in full...)
Has anyone dated a family member of a friend?
Q. Have you ever been out with your friend's brother/sister and if so did it last and for how long. Did it upset the friendship you had with your friend. I went out with my friend's brother briefly when I was younger (I am in my late 40s now) and I ...
A. 9 March 2017: Well, I dated my brother's best friend - does that count?
He is the only ex-boyfriend that I still consider to be a "friend" but I use that term loosely because he's more of an acquaintance now. We live in different countries and have done for... (read in full...)
He said we should just let things go. What did I do wrong?
Q. I have been seeing this guy for 4 months now and everything has been going on just fine , we never really labelled what we were but he made sure that we hang out a lot and talk a lot. We met on tinder and at first I used to cancel until we actually...
A. 9 March 2017: I gotta agree with HoneyPie.
If someone flaked out on me several times in four months I would question how serious they were about having a relationship with me.... no matter how many times they told me they were crazy about me - their actions ... (read in full...)
What can I do or say, that might encourage him to ask me out?
Q. Hello. I know one of my guy friends likes me. But he wont say anything. His best friend used to go out with my sister and it ended badly. His best friend said that he might not say anything because of this Is there a way to help change his min...
A. 8 March 2017: Why not ask HIM out?... (read in full...)
Is she being very friendly or flirting with some motive?
Q. I shall try to make this short. I met a girl on a taxi when i was going to work. We chat and walk till i reach my work place. She ask my contact no. And we exchange our number. We didn't meet for the next 2 weeks. One day we happen to meet again on ...
A. 8 March 2017: I agree with Janniepeg- she's waiting to see if you can steal her away from her boyfriend. She doesn't want to dump him first because she's still not sure whether YOU want a relationship with HER.
Something very similar happened to a friend o... (read in full...)
She asked me to slap her hand for no reason. Is that her way of flirting?
Q. Hey everyone, So there's this girl I've had my eye on since almost a year now. Im not sure if she has feelings for me but there have been signs.I'm holding back on asking her out cos my financial situation is not stable and I won't be able to...
A. 8 March 2017: Yeah, I'm a bit stumped too! If she was flirting it seems a pretty silly way of doing it!
To me it sounds like attention-seeking behaviour, especially if this was in a group setting. Perhaps it was more of a performance for other onlooker... (read in full...)
My 22 year old daughter has sent nude photos to her boyfriend. How do I address this?
Q. I recently discovered that my 22 year old daughter who is doing her post graduation has clicked and sent her nude pictures to her boyfriend. am concerned that its morally incorrect and also usually such pictures land up circulating. Its very...
A. 7 March 2017: Firstly, how did you find out that she had done this? Were you snooping on your adult daughter's personal computer or phone? Or did you stumble across it accidentally?... (read in full...)
He was my friend a long time ago. But he now has a girlfriend. Could I ever mean more to him? Or is he destined to be only a friend?
Q. I fell in love with a old friend i met 39yrs ago. i were dating another one also. I chose my husband over him who is now deceased in whom were also a friend at that time. My friend came back in my life after 26yrs. To support me thru the ha...
A. 4 March 2017: I really can't understand your post at all. Can I try and summarise it a bit to see if it makes more sense?
It sounds like you have had several husbands but I'm not sure how many or which order they come in.
One who is the father of your s... (read in full...)
Does this signify interest?
Q. A girl at work responding to my asking her something responded "for you anything". I have had this also said to me in another setting by different girl (she serving me or telling me where a product is). Of course we've had a friendly chat or chats ...
A. 3 March 2017: It's a joke! It's a humorous way of saying "No problem, I'll pass you that folder" or "Sure, your coffee's coming right up"
It's not supposed to be taken seriously. It's what we call "witty banter". The girl probably likes you enough in a friendly... (read in full...)
Why do I always ''arrive'' faster with girls than with guys? I think I'm bisexual
Q. Hi, i'm looking for some advice here. Right so, im pretty sure im bisexual, or hetrofelxible, or whatever doesn't really matter im well experienced with both sexes. So, there was this guy, i came over to his, he was waiting naked, proceeded...
A. 2 March 2017: I'm afraid I don't know the answer to this one but why does it actually matter?... (read in full...)
Does his behavior indicate that he's an emotional abuser? Should I breakup with him?
Q. 1-) In life, we should have certain words filtered, my boyfriend does not seem to have one. I am upset because, he has this tendency of referring to woman as bi***es, ”oh tha b*tch does this or that, in a very despotic way, he does not say this all ...
A. 2 March 2017: Yes, it is abusive. Yes, you should break up with him (surprised you haven't already).... (read in full...)
Am I being paranoid or is this married guy trying to make a move on me?
Q. Theres this married guy I know, I always catch him looking at me then looking down when I catch him. I always got the impression he would actively try and avoid sitting next to me but he always sat straight across from me so he could see me. But ...
A. 28 February 2017: I think you've posted about this guy before.
He's your brother in law isn't he? (Your husband's brother)
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-husbands-brother-is-behaving-towards-me-in.html
http://www.dearcupid.... (read in full...)
I'm worried my reaction means I am not over him.
Q. I had a one year relationship. The guy was a jerk, and anyway we boke up. After not even seeing eaach other for like 3 months i suddenly see him on the road and i vomit. why does this happen? please tell me it's normal and that i don't still have ...
A. 28 February 2017: I've had this before. Vomiting is a fairly common response to fear and anxiety in some people.
It doesn't mean that you still have feelings for him exactly - just that you haven't moved on completely yet and most people wouldn't have after 3 ... (read in full...)
My FWB grabbed me by the throat when I said I would find sex elsewhere!
Q. I've been seeing this guy for a couple months now. We made it very clear we do not want a relationship with each other. It is just friend with benefits kind of thing. We are really good friends and we're not sleeping with anyone else. Last night we ...
A. 28 February 2017: Cindy's hit it right on the nose...
This guy behaved like this because
a) you criticised his sexual performance by saying that you were unsatisfied by him
b) he was drunk
c) he is a mean drunk
End your FWB with him - one episode of physica... (read in full...)
The lady I was dating has herpes, did she break up with me due to my paranoia?
Q. hello, i met some one she was honest with me, she told me she has had herpes for thirteen years, not on medication, but now she is, an we only been seeing each other for three weeks, used condoms, yes I've told her i am very worried about it, it's ...
A. 28 February 2017: I do wish you'd capitalise and punctuate properly. Your posts can be really hard to understand.
Are you saying that you discussed her herpes status with her DAUGHTER. I think that breach of confidence alone would be enough for some people to dump ... (read in full...)
Dental hygene is holding me back
Q. Due to childhood problems, I have a major phobia of the dentist... and therefore never been... also due to those reason as problems, my dental hygiene is horrible :( I know it is! I am on track to sort them out. The problem is; I put off ev...
A. 26 February 2017: Obviously, I can't see the state of your teeth and gums myself but rest assured that most problems of this sort (chin hairs, zits, cold sores, stained teeth, etc) are often much more noticeable by the owner of the problem than to everybody else.
... (read in full...)
I care my girl is letting herself go. How can I help?
Q. Me and my gf been together 4 years. Over the years she has let herself go. I have been encouraging her to keep in shape for over a year. She has been lazy and eats junk all the time. I like to see her happy so if she likes eating, i don't say much. ...
A. 26 February 2017: When she complains about her weight what is your standard response?
What some men don't get is that when their partners complain about something they are not always looking for solutions so responses such as suggesting diet and exercise are not ... (read in full...)
I've had bad luck with women in the past, and now I'm wondering if this new girl is testing me or just playing games
Q. I would like some advice on what to do with a female I'm currently talking to. Ive had no luck in the past when it comes to relationships and have always ended up getting hurt, no fault of my own. I'm not a bad looking guy and can get dates, I deci...
A. 26 February 2017: I think we're missing some key pieces of information here...
What is she actually doing or saying that makes you feel that she's "playing games".
Sometimes it's all a matter of interpretation and if you "confront" her and accuse her of ga... (read in full...)
How much detail should I put in my online dating profile?
Q. I have cerebral palsy, I am not in a wheelchair but am a bit unsteady on my feet at times. I have got a dating profile on Match, should I include my disability on there?...
A. 24 February 2017: I, personally, would simply skirt around the issue in you profile and then be honest as soon as you start conversing with someone one-to-one.
Does your profile allow you to upload several photographs? If so you could upload a couple of full len... (read in full...)
What happened?
Q. Met this awesome but shy guy for the first time in person last week. We met online on a dating site. We had planned to meet after a month or so of texting, as he had a day off from work and I had a day off the next day so it worked for us both. It ...
A. 24 February 2017: When we meet people online we start to build up a fantasy about what they'll be like when we meet them. This fantasy is added to whenever we converse with that person but when we meet this person and finally converse with them face-to-face we might ... (read in full...)
I lost respect when I found out my friend was a home wrecker.
Q. I have a friend, lets call him x, who recently told me he's got a new girlfriend. I was happy for him, and asked the typical questions, appears she's a colleague of his and she's got two kids ages 7 and 4, that he hasn't met yet but is excited about ...
A. 24 February 2017: I agree with Aunty BimBim - you've only got Y's side of the story with her own feelings and prejudices. X might have a completely different story to tell. And maybe his new girlfriend is the "home-wrecker" not him.
And remember - everybod... (read in full...)
Does he sound like a shy guy?
Q. I am in my 40s and have just recently become friendly with a school dad. I sort of knew about him at school (he is a single dad), chatted briefly to him at a party last year and hadn't spoken since. He didn't really acknowledge me and then I ga...
A. 8 February 2017: I've gotta agree with Denizen. I don't think that this guy sounds particularly shy. It could be that he has lots of good friends already and isn't particularly interested in pursuing any more. But that doesn't stop him from being friendLY when ... (read in full...)
How can I keep calm in this intense situation?
Q. I want to ask on relaxation tips and trying not to be paranoid in a very stressful time in my life- here is a quick summary I got laid off from my last job(I work in HR(5years of experience with a masters) and I landed a reputable job in...
A. 8 February 2017: I think I might have said this to you before....
Vinni-yoga and Mindfulness are some of the best ways of learning relaxation techniques but you do need to go to classes regularly to get the most benefit. Once you get the hang of Mindfuln... (read in full...)
He's verbally abusive. Consequences of leaving him concern me. Why do I seem to have the worst luck with men ? ??
Q. what am I meant to do? how am I meant to feel? what do I do? I ask these questions and I'm not even sure If they are the right questions to ask!! I have no one in my life that I can talk to about any of this. I'm feel alone and need to feel lik...
A. 8 February 2017: Since you are at Uni now it's the ideal time to leave your partner as there are plenty of places you can get support from as a student.
All universities should have a student support service. You can access free counselling services and get advi... (read in full...)
He decided to take up on my offer on not using condoms. Why was he so willing to do this?
Q. I have been seeing this guy for a while and whenever we have sex, we always use protection. But there was this one time that we didn't because we both didn't want to. After that time we used a condom every time. We were talking about our sex li...
A. 5 February 2017: Well, N91 is right so perhaps it just feels better for him.
Perhaps he also thinks that you have started using another method of contraception since you suggested not using condoms.
But I think it's because it's not really him that's going to ... (read in full...)
She has helped me a lot through some difficult times. Would it be acceptable to send her flowers as a thank you?
Q. I have a female friend who I have known since I was 4, she is the same age as me and although we lost contact for a number of years. We are back in contact. Whenever I had problems she always knew what to say and since being back in touch she has...
A. 23 January 2017: I totally agree with HoneyPie - decide whether this is a romantic gesture or a genuine thank-you before you send anything. The two don't really combine well.... (read in full...)
Is it degrading to let a guy ejaculate on you?
Q. When I was 15, my mother sat me down and had "the talk". She is very open and liberal, so we ended up talking about everything from sex and birth control to relationships and life in general. One of the things she was adamant about was that por...
A. 23 January 2017: If you like it and you don't feel degraded by it, I can't see that it's a problem either. What two consenting adults enjoy together behind closed doors is their own business.
... (read in full...)
I live at home and my Mum won't let me clean it up, its a biohazard mess!
Q. It's a long story, but I got laid off from my job last year and I live at home with my mom. I feel like I've failed at life and this wasn't how I thought I would turn out, but this is just background information. What's going on is that I'm ...
A. 17 January 2017: I think you need to consider moving out as you and you mother are simply incompatible living together. Is there another relative or a friend that you could move in with until you are able to get work again? And you'll probably be able get so much ... (read in full...)
Where's a good place to meet people my age? Any groups or sites you think might suit, and why?
Q. I moved city recently and I'm struggling to know people outside work so I joined loads of groups on meeting people sites. But loads of them (no I didnt join dating ones) are full of thirsty older guys, and it's really uncomfortable being at thes...
A. 17 January 2017: Well, in some respects "thirsty older guys" (as well as thirsty younger guys) are part and parcel of socialising as a single female, wherever you go. You just need a thick skin and a sense of humour and to ignore a lot of it. But I DO get it - it's ... (read in full...)
How do I ask my parents for a day off study?
Q. Hi everyone i need some advice on parents.. So recently my parents told me not to go for hangouts with my friends as my exams are in April. They were also worried at first that i was not going to get an offer from any of my universities, bu...
A. 17 January 2017: Something that might work is to choose something that could also be considered educational and you convince your parents that is would also be useful to your studies or that a teacher has recommended it.
It depends what you're studying. If you'r... (read in full...)
How can I find out if I am fertile ... or not?
Q. dear cupid im worried about my fertility im 35 years old mals i dated a lady 28 year for 3 years relationzhip.staying together.she got preg and i went for dna with her and found that im not the farther.it happened to me on past i get a girlfriend ...
A. 17 January 2017: There's only one way to find out if you are fertile and that's to have sperm count done by a doctor... (read in full...)
How can I get rid of our anxieties and start to date?
Q. I really like this guy I met online. We have spoken a lot and he's asked to meet me. I am extremely shy and it (has) taken me a while to get comfortable with meeting new people. Sometimes it stops me meeting people because I get so worried about ...
A. 12 January 2017: Stick to your guns and don't cave into having your first meeting at his home. After all, you're putting yourself out of your comfort zone so why shouldn't he do the same.
Ask him to suggest a public place where he feels relatively comforta... (read in full...)
Present employer could jeopardise new employment
Q. Not a dating/relationship question, but would really appreciate any input from anyone who has any ideas/thoughts on this problem, as it could turn out to be a big problem for me. I have worked for a number of years for a small, family-owned com...
A. 8 January 2017: I have been through all this over the last few years
I have come to realise that an employers reference is NOT a description of your strengths and weaknesses or you fitness to do the job.
It is simply a confirmation that you worked for them ... (read in full...)
She wants me to start wearing the pants in our relationship?!?
Q. Right, so my girlfriend told me yesterday she wants me to start wearing the pants in the relationship. I had no idea what she meant, and when I asked her she didn't really know how to explain it. Can someone here maybe explain it to me? Also, ...
A. 7 January 2017: You've been given some excellent advice.
You need to start having a life outside of your relationship. You need to have your own hobbies and friends. You need your own interests and opinions.
You also need to start making decisions within... (read in full...)
Uncertain what the silence could mean
Q. I met this woman on OKCupid and we started writing to each other. I noticed that she logged in only once a week but she did respond whenever she logged in. The messages were also good. If I wrote 2 paragraphs her reply was also 2 paragraphs, if I ...
A. 7 January 2017: Although she didn't look the type, I'm afraid that's what she's done. She's vanished into the ether. She's ghosting you because she is not interested.
The date may seem to have gone well from you perspective but she might not have had seen it ... (read in full...)
A brief text on Christmas but nothing since then! What does this mean?
Q. Really need advice Haven't spoken to a guy who I got close to but it didn't work for various reasons We had a huge falling out but last year (January )he asked to meet me and we had a coffee After that we didn't talk again So this year...
A. 7 January 2017: He can still be genuinely sorry and not want to rekindle a friendship. Perhaps a few texts per year is friendsip enough for him.... (read in full...)
A brief text on Christmas but nothing since then! What does this mean?
Q. Really need advice Haven't spoken to a guy who I got close to but it didn't work for various reasons We had a huge falling out but last year (January )he asked to meet me and we had a coffee After that we didn't talk again So this year...
A. 6 January 2017: If this guy treated you like shit, why are you wanting to maintain contact with him at any level? Why bother sending him Xmas wishes? Why not block him from your phone? Why waste time wondering what it "means"?
I don't think he really wants to... (read in full...)
A brief text on Christmas but nothing since then! What does this mean?
Q. Really need advice Haven't spoken to a guy who I got close to but it didn't work for various reasons We had a huge falling out but last year (January )he asked to meet me and we had a coffee After that we didn't talk again So this year...
A. 6 January 2017: The fact that he sent you a Christmas message and an apology It means he has moved on from the incident enough to forgive and not treat you like an enemy. Tis the season of goodwill after all.
It does not mean, however, that he wishes to be frien... (read in full...)
I don't like feeling so alone!
Q. I need some advice on being lonely. I posted his question once before and would really appreciate some more help pleasseeeee I've been feeling so lonely that I cry myself to sleep every night. I feel that I have nothing to live for. All I do is...
A. 4 January 2017: Please could you give us some feedback on the advice you've already been given. Otherwise you'll probably just get the same advice again and again.
And those that have answered your questions previously have given some pretty good advice which I ... (read in full...)
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