Like what
he writes?
... Add *azzerg to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *azzerg a private message | | | *azzerg's profile:Well my name is Darrell and this is the second time I have written this so it may be a little briefer lol. I am a good listerner and I would like to think understanding so I would say that is what qualifies me to help people. I also have alot of experience of life, having lived in New Zealand for six months and travelled extensively. Am now back in the UK. I like travel, movies, good company and am a writer. Finally, my relationship status is in a relationship. |
|
| Latest articles: Staying the distance...
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
16 March 2008: All but one of my relationships have been long distance affairs and 'LDR'S' are increasingly common, with the advent of the Internet age especially. It is important to draw a distinction between two different and distinct types of 'LDR': 1.Thos...
Pornography and relationships
This question has 16 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 February 2008: As some people reading this will already know, I moderate and write regularly on this site. Porn is one those issues that is often cited as a problem and also causes a fair amount or moral controversy. On the one hand are the people whose ...
Rules of the game
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 February 2008: “You can’t win anything without playing the game”, isn’t that just the saddest and truest thing you ever did hear?? We all do it, whether we are aware of it or not and although we often rhetorically repudiate, the reality is that we all play them ...
The 'ex' Factor
No replies yet... 17 February 2008: Affairs of the heart are the most complicated phenomena known to mankind – forget Pythagoras theorem or astrophysics. Finding that special one, the one that lasts and produces sensations and experiences without compare, is tricky and most of us have ...
Loving somebody who is afraid
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
24 January 2008: Fear is one of the most potent human emotions that there is; it's one of the most pervasive there is because it is rooted in our survival instincts, in other words our subconscious mind. In the dim distant past fear would have saved many a early ...
Is love selfish??
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2007: This is actually something I wrote for my blog but it is based on a question written here.... An interesting question on this site was posted the other day from a American teenager (Is love selfish??)who was writing an essay on the question of ...
What is love??
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
15 June 2007: We all each have unique experiences of this thing we call love. As such, pinning down a precise definition of the word itself is challenging enough let alone categorising the sum total of human experience. My own experiences make me a fair way short ...
Out of your league?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
4 May 2007: If one topic is bound to generate heat between me and one of my friends then it's the perennial question of 'leagues'. Quite simply she insists they exist and I insist they do not although in practice I still sometimes think in terms of them. We all ...
|
She seems to be turning me away.
Q. Hi DearCupid. Ive been seeing this girl for about 2 months now and its finaly official. Problem is we started out great going over to eachothers place ect ect. Now everytime i put an idea forward to go over to her's she says yea no probs the ...
A. 23 November 2007: It's hard to tell really, it could be any number of things, one possibility is that now everything is official she is having some commitment issues? Maybe she thinks that if you go into her home it will lead somewhere she is shy of... Is there any ... (read in full...)
Is it OK to sleep with other people while you are on a break?
Q. If a person sleeps with someone else, while you are on a break, and also has feelings for the new person AND you as well. Does it count as cheating? Is it right to get back with that person after this has happened? Should the fact that they slept ...
A. 18 November 2007: Well if you want to be technical then no it isnt because you are not formally committed to each other anymore. I would tend to say its one of those things that is subjective, if you are still strongly attached to the other person then it may feel ... (read in full...)
My ex is pregnant, has agreed to a abortion and I have no problem with it, am I a bad person
Q. I broke up with my ex as i found information she was cheating on me. she denies it and still does a month later (she was telling another guy "i love you"). the problem now is that she is pregnant. apparently the docs were able to tell her the exact ...
A. 16 November 2007: This guy doesnt even know its his, for all any of us know he could have been using proper birth control. You can't tell somebody who doesnt want children they cant have sex in this day and age when there are plenty of methods of effective birth ... (read in full...)
Is it normal for men to do this especially when they are in a relationship? HELP ME!
Q. Every one looks at the opposite sex. Of course..you are going to notice a beautiful woman or a handsome man that walks in your path..right? A glance is ok..let it go..move on with the day. Well..my question is..my boyfriend of 3.5 years looks at ...
A. 16 November 2007: Me and one of my exs used to say 'look but dont touch' as the boundary line...I am not sure how that applies here. I think you are right its normal to look at others but your bf is taking that further though I am assuming you have no reason to doubt ... (read in full...)
My ex is pregnant, has agreed to a abortion and I have no problem with it, am I a bad person
Q. I broke up with my ex as i found information she was cheating on me. she denies it and still does a month later (she was telling another guy "i love you"). the problem now is that she is pregnant. apparently the docs were able to tell her the exact ...
A. 16 November 2007: Well you are going to get a load of contending view points on this one I think but my personal opinion is that no, it doesnt make you a bad person and that the reasons you give for wanting her to not have it are very valid.
I understand a 'right... (read in full...)
Did he text me by mistake or was it just an excuse to get in touch with me?
Q. Hi im puzzled about my ex but hope Im not getting my hopes up too high. We split 3 months ago and I broke all contact with him and hadnt spoke to him for all that time. Anyway, yesterday I received a very weird txt from him, basically it was abou...
A. 16 November 2007: I would tend to agree with your friend if its something that he knew you would respond too, then he tried to cover his tracks by claiming it was a mistake. I would be more inclined to see it as a mistake if he hadnt followed up by asking you to ring ... (read in full...)
She won't believe he's cheating on her with me!
Q. Here are a few questions in one. My ex and I still hvae some of a chance to sometime get back together. We had dated for 8 months and then he broke it off because he didnt have the feeling. I know him very well and know he went through a confused...
A. 16 November 2007: She's not likely to bealieve you for two reasons;
a) you do have an interest as his ex and one who is still interested in him, she will see that and anything you say will be tainted in her eyes by bias.
b) people often wont accept what they... (read in full...)
I don't know if I could deel with the crap again.
Q. i met a guy when he was 16 and i was 17. we went out. we broke up and 2yrs later we saw each other at a party. iwent to uni. and it got very messy... skip 3 yrs a long term boyf and a bit of hazardas spendin and i am bak. we see each other in a ...
A. 13 November 2007: Its a bit hard to comment on this without knowing a little more, why did it get messy? what were the issues? In general I would say that you are in the best position to judge, only get in contact if you think you can either resolve the issues that ... (read in full...)
My ex bf called me after 6 months of our breakup, what does he want from me?
Q. Hi! i brokeup with my ex bf about 6months ago over the phone because i accused him of not being there for me when i lost a close relative.i felt bad for calling it off over the phone though.he called me for about 3 days but i didnt pickup his calls ...
A. 12 November 2007: You cant hold it against him that he 'didnt pester you for longer'. You cant have your cake and eat it, by that I mean you cant tell him not to call, ignore him, then complain when he complies with your wishes and doesnt 'pester you enough'. Either ... (read in full...)
I'm not coping and I'm so confused. What can I do?
Q. Well my boyfriend broke up with me 4 months ago now. We had been together for 2 years and had been engaged for over a year. We were a perfect couple but things started to go wrong when i kept falling out with him over stupid things and now i hate ...
A. 9 November 2007: Well I think you have taken an important step in acknowledgeing that you have problems and identifying what they are and that is always the first and most important step you can take. At least now in a similar position you wont make similar mistakes ... (read in full...)
I don't know why he's being this way.
Q. Ive been having trouble in school with my ex and its making me feel really low. I broke up with him about 4 months ago as he kissed another girl after a month he wanted to be mates so i said yeah its fine as he was my first for everything, there was ...
A. 9 November 2007: He's being this way simply because his feelings are hurt and he's being particularly cruel in returning the favour. He maybe wanting to get back with you though, to be harsh, it can barely be said he deserves another chance. Im guessing that at the ... (read in full...)
I'm not coping and I'm so confused. What can I do?
Q. Well my boyfriend broke up with me 4 months ago now. We had been together for 2 years and had been engaged for over a year. We were a perfect couple but things started to go wrong when i kept falling out with him over stupid things and now i hate ...
A. 9 November 2007: I think you are not coping because you feel responsible and I would wager any money that you are probably being too hard on yourself rather than looking at things in a balanced manner. Yes, maybe you got things wrong but I would wager a dime to a ... (read in full...)
Why are men like this?
Q. hi,i have one question. when you tell a man that you love him why does he feel like a king and that he is the master of everything and ignores you , and drives so far away from you? ...
A. 9 November 2007: Errr i'm going to go with the consensus here, men in general are not like this but if the man you are dating is then he's probably not the right one for you. Demand the same respect and love in return and accept nothing less. ... (read in full...)
I don't want to be on my own, it's really hard sometimes.
Q. ive been in a 5 month relationship with a lad i really love, i met him straight after my fiance who i was with for 4 yrs, i cant get over him so i txt him and sometimes ring him to see if he is ok, i know this is wrong but i still have feelings for ...
A. 9 November 2007: I think dearkelja has hit the nail on the head. I would say without doubt that you dont have closure on your previous relationship (and maybe he doesnt given his promiscuity, which is probably a reaction to you bouncing so quick). Without knowing ... (read in full...)
Am I foolish or should I trust him?
Q. PLEASE HELP!!!! I have a boyfriend of 15 months who is so good to me. He's everything I could ever ask for. Smart, funny, attentive, and so kind to me...truly everything. We are both early 40's. The problem is that when we first started ...
A. 9 November 2007: I don't think it does to be honest. You said yourself that you just assumed that you were exclusive and that it was never something that was agreed. Ontop of this he had just come out of a relationship which since it was a marriage was probably ... (read in full...)
Is this normal behaviour?
Q. I moved in with my boyfriend a year ago with my two children. The problem is he is vey huffy, over the slightest of things and will huff for weeks...he goes off and sleeps in another bed and does not speak to me at all. is this normal?...
A. 9 November 2007: I agree with Tellulah. I have what some may call a slightly 'artistic temprement' but I would say the length of these spells in particular is odd. You do need to get down to the nitty-gritty of what is setting him off here because without knowing ... (read in full...)
He keeps photos of him and his ex in a special box and doesn't want to throw them out but I don't like this...am I being unreasonable??
Q. Hi, I got married in June this year to my gorgeous man who I have been seeing for 5 years. My problem is this ... he has photos of an old girlfriend in a special box including photos of them kissing and he is reluctant to throw them out ... I dont ...
A. 8 November 2007: Hmmmm i can see both sides on this one...we all come from somewhere and I dont see any harm in him keeping these things as a keepsake, from what you say these pictures are not exactly up on a bedroom wall, they are sealed away in a box away from ... (read in full...)
I can't understand how I did this?
Q. Hi, My name is *Rose and i am 16. I have been together with my boyfriend for neally 2 years and i love him so much. My parents and his parents think that we will get married and we believe it too. The thing is about a month ago i cheated on him with ...
A. 4 November 2007: I think your friends are probably right to be honest, you answer your own question here pretty much when you say that it felt 'good and daring', in other words you were after the thrill and the adrenalin rush that these experiences gave you.
... (read in full...)
Why did I do this to myself? Have I become the 'other woman'?
Q. I don’t know why I let this happen!!! I was married for 23 years he had an affair that he would not end so I filed for divorce. That all happened since May 2005. Divorce is final as of June 2006. I still love this man but he has chosen to live ...
A. 2 November 2007: I think you answer your own question here really, you got in this position because the feelings that you have for this man have not faded away, they may have been buried but they obviously reappeared. You were home alone, he was there and in a ... (read in full...)
Should we meet up or not?
Q. I met this guy at a wedding but, his 43 and im 21, we had cemistry from the firts moment we layed eyes on each other. but the problem is his never been married but his got two children with 2 different women. Now he wants to meet up, should i or ...
A. 30 October 2007: Well I think that you should do what feels right. I can understand your hesitation given not so much his age as his troubled relationship past but I don't think you can hold that against him really, not until you know what the reasons were (after ... (read in full...)
I need some tips on how to get over this.
Q. i met my ex about 2 months before we started dating. we hardly ever talked, and he was with one of my friends anyways. we hooked up over the summer, and dated for about a month. it was a fantastic relationship, and i thought we were doing really ...
A. 30 October 2007: I think the main thing is to focus on your own life, dating other people may help in time but it is obvious from what you write here that you need some time to get over your ex and maybe in dating other people you are looking to replace him, which ... (read in full...)
Am I cheating on my long distance boyfriend
Q. I've been in a long distance relationship with this guy for about 6 months now - we've both decided to keep it open since I am rather indifferent to long distance relationships(for the fact I've had both good and bad long distant experiences) and he ...
A. 25 October 2007: I think technically the answer has to be no because you say at the top that you have agreed the relationship will be open so the possibility that you may engage with somebody else sexually is implicit in that agreement.
However, I think you may ... (read in full...)
How to encourage affection?
Q. Okay, well im 15 atm and the guy i like is 17. We have been good friends for about 2years now and i'v been away on tour with him before so know him pretty well. We used to be closer before and he always used to hug me and put his arm round me etc. ...
A. 23 October 2007: I think this is a tricky one because I think what you are really looking for is some reassurence that the feelings you have for this guy are reciprocated and for him to take the lead.
It may well be a question of one of those instances where 'i... (read in full...)
Is it time to leave him if he won't commit?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 5.5 years and we have lived together for about 4. I am now at the stage where I want to get married and maybe start a family,I'm 32, he is 30 so I think this is a pretty normal reaction. I've told him how importan...
A. 23 October 2007: I'm not sure what you mean by 'stringing along' here, I dont think you stay in a relationship as long as you have without some kind of deep commitment and there is nothing else here to suggest that he has any ulterior motive other than to put-off ... (read in full...)
He's got a great personality, but not great looks. Should I give him a chance?
Q. Hi i have a big problem as this guy likes me i told him that i liked him too, but i dont i was drunk when i said it now he never stops ringing or texting or IM me. I want to give it a try with him hes got the best personality ever but his looks are ...
A. 23 October 2007: I dont think there is anything wrong or shallow about saying that there has to be some kind of chemistry there and that part of that is based on how you view the other persons looks. To be honest I dont think going for it on the basis of being ... (read in full...)
Do you think he's serious, or just playing me?
Q. Im in major need of some opinions/advice!!! I have known this friend since Feb this year. For the majority of the time I had a bf. However me and my bf broke up 2 months ago. When that happened my frined started showing me alot more attention. ...
A. 21 October 2007: I think he can still be serious because surely if he just wanted sex he would have saved all this until after you had had sex? It seems to me that his mixed signals fit the bill of somebody who is hesitant and who has been hurt before.
Often... (read in full...)
Is this interest or just friendliness?
Q. I'm female and I take martial arts. I ahve a sensei who has been acting weird around me. He does weird stuff like: - If I get injured, he's overly concerned and one time I pulled a calf muscle which wasn't serious but he massaged it. - He does...
A. 20 October 2007: I think, from what you say here, he seems very interested, all the signs are there with any excuse to make physical contact with you and place you at the centre of his attention. I definatly think its more than friendliness and besides from what you ... (read in full...)
Is this a future incestuous relationship?
Q. dear everyone. well you see. me and this guy have been seeing each other for early 4 months now and i realli realli like him but i have found out that he kind of could be my step cousin one day. well he is my not biological dads brothers new girl...
A. 18 October 2007: No you are not. Incestous relationships can only be between blood relatives, that is to say people who are biologically related, and as you make perfectly clear in this post this guy is not a blood relative. You would only be dimly related by blood ... (read in full...)
I always got excited by my ex, now I'm having problems with other girls, what's wrong?
Q. Here's my problem. Im 19yrs old. And i lost my virginity to the girl i have been with since i was 17. We are finally over with due to her lying\cheating but yet still coming back because she "loves me more thatn anything". Ill admit i love this girl ...
A. 16 October 2007: Seems to me you hit the nail on the head at the end, that the block is in your mind and not any medical problem. There may also be some issues arising from the fact that you state here she betrayed your trust and subconsciously that has affected you ... (read in full...)
She ended it with me, because she's still in love with her ex.
Q. My girlfriend of 2 years has ended with me because she says she's still in love with her ex. Her ex was from an internet relationship and they never met.She says she needs time to sort out in her head what she wants because she doesn't want to hurt ...
A. 16 October 2007: I think you have the right idea. Until shes met this guy he will be part a real person and part an idea and indeed a dream in her head and thats where you will have a problem comparing. I wouldn't question her feelings unlike the other poster but ... (read in full...)
He keeps giving poor excuses
Q. my BF had being togather happily and had to share somany thing togather,but our problem is that he do not call me frequently. and when i ask him about that, he always give me excuses, that he just dont like making calls or dont have money in his ...
A. 16 October 2007: Well I am not sure that either is a particularly poor excuse except maybe not liking making phone calls but then again that is a purely personal preference. I think what matters is quality not quantity and that is maybe what you should focus on.
... (read in full...)
My emotional abusive fiance stopped getting touch, now I feel bad, help?
Q. I need help. I broke up with my emotionally abusive fiance a week ago. He kept trying to contact me but I just ignored him. Now, he has stopped and I feel depressed. When he was contacting me I guess in a weird way it felt good that he was so ...
A. 15 October 2007: I think his miserableness probably made you feel wanted in a way and now that's gone that's what is missing. I think the best thing you can do is focus on yourself. Try and keep yourself active and occupied and dont give your mind time to dwell on ... (read in full...)
Is she being honest with me?
Q. To make a long story short, I an engaged to be married in March '08 after 2+ years. I am divorced, she's never been married. My fiancee started a new job 5 months ago, and made a male friend at work. They went out September 7, they both got re...
A. 15 October 2007: I think you already know the answer to this question but I think you and indeed the other answer are approaching this from the wrong angle; which is not to condone how she is behaving. It may well be that things have not gone as far as you fear or ... (read in full...)
Where will my life's big changes lead me?
Q. Hi Everyone, Ok..so here goes. I am at a point in my life where i really don't know where i'm going. My job will be coming to an end early next year and i can't decide what i am going to do next? Plus, i wrote on here a few months ago about a...
A. 12 October 2007: I don't think there is anything wrong with taking a break and taking a step-back for a little while especially if things are getting so on-top of you. It is probably a good idea as it will allow you to clear your head and chart a course through ... (read in full...)
He's interested in me - which way should I go?
Q. i am 21 and i am in a relationship with a guy,A, who is nice,very caring for almost 2 years.we are both aboroad studying.but i am getting bored with him and we always quarrel.recently,i have been chatting online with this another guy,B, who's is ...
A. 12 October 2007: I think you should look carefully before you leap. I dont think its my place or anybody elses to say for sure that you should do X, Y or Z in this context but you should at least consider things, the grass always looks greener on the other side but ... (read in full...)
Why am I changing my mind just as I've finally got everything I ever wanted?
Q. I fell in love with an old school friend 2 years ago and, after becoming friends all over again and getting to know each other properly, he finally noticed me earlier on this year and we began dating. Over the course of 6 months or so, he broke up ...
A. 2 October 2007: I think you were chasing a dream; you had no time to stop and pause because of the various ups and downs and now you are faced with the hard reality of a day-to-day relationship with this guy. The first period of you dating was obviously still the ... (read in full...)
I don't find traditionaly beautiful women attractive. Whats so wrong with that?
Q. I am a college student in a long term relationship with a beautiful girl... we've been together for around 4 years now. I would like some feedback for a situation that so far I have found unique to me. I have had other girlfriends before her but s...
A. 2 October 2007: I dont think there is anything wrong with that; speaking personally I dont find models that attractive either due to vacant eyes and often as vacant personalities. I dont think you should feel like a freak for being a little different in your tastes ... (read in full...)
I've been chatting with a much older woman via a dating site. Should we meet?
Q. Hello, I'm a 17 year old guy and have been chatting with a 41 year old woman via a dating site for a month or 2... We have recently swapped mobile numbers and we have started chatting regularly on MSN about causal day to day things... I reall...
A. 9 September 2007: Well the age difference must be on her mind which is probably where the 'youngen' 'olden' thing comes from. I think to be honest the best thing is to just go with the flow and see what happens and do what feels comfortable and right and if that is ... (read in full...)
Do you think I should move on or give it a second chance?
Q. Hi, i'm a female 26 yrs of age. Due to the kind of family i was raised with i really stareted sex very late, i started it when i was 22yrs. The thing is i always belived in marriege and i never wanted to have an affair so i waited so long bu...
A. 6 September 2007: I think the question of whether you forgive him or not would kind of depend on what he actually did. In general it would come down to if you feel that you are able to trust him again. I think however from what you write here that you may well feel ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend broke up with me for someone else and now wants me back..
Q. I have this boyfriend, well, had this boyfriend but he broke up with me for another girl. but i still love him. his best friend is my best friend and he told me that he wants to go back with me and i keep playing hard to get am i wrong should i go ...
A. 3 September 2007: I think there is nothing wrong with making him work to earn back your trust since he was the one who left you. If it's a case of you no longer feeling secure in being with him then that will take time to rebuild after the knock you have just taken ... (read in full...)
Should I accept the love I was longing for 4 years or should I keep up my words to my future life partner.. ?
Q. I was in love with a guy for the past few years....though he loved me too he denied the fact that he loves me too after passing 1 year if our love.......he advised me to be good friends forever....though it was diffiult to me at times I atleast ...
A. 31 August 2007: Well Im not sure who it is that you dont trust but if it is this guy who you were longing for then im not sure what he has done to earn your distrust. He could well have only realised what he had when he lost it and that is often the way.
I thi... (read in full...)
| *azzerg's friends
These are mutual friends, so *azzerg has
added them and they have added *azzerg!
|
