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... Send *azzerg a private message | | | *azzerg's profile:Well my name is Darrell and this is the second time I have written this so it may be a little briefer lol. I am a good listerner and I would like to think understanding so I would say that is what qualifies me to help people. I also have alot of experience of life, having lived in New Zealand for six months and travelled extensively. Am now back in the UK. I like travel, movies, good company and am a writer. Finally, my relationship status is in a relationship. |
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| Latest articles: Staying the distance...
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
16 March 2008: All but one of my relationships have been long distance affairs and 'LDR'S' are increasingly common, with the advent of the Internet age especially. It is important to draw a distinction between two different and distinct types of 'LDR': 1.Thos...
Pornography and relationships
This question has 16 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 February 2008: As some people reading this will already know, I moderate and write regularly on this site. Porn is one those issues that is often cited as a problem and also causes a fair amount or moral controversy. On the one hand are the people whose ...
Rules of the game
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 February 2008: “You can’t win anything without playing the game”, isn’t that just the saddest and truest thing you ever did hear?? We all do it, whether we are aware of it or not and although we often rhetorically repudiate, the reality is that we all play them ...
The 'ex' Factor
No replies yet... 17 February 2008: Affairs of the heart are the most complicated phenomena known to mankind – forget Pythagoras theorem or astrophysics. Finding that special one, the one that lasts and produces sensations and experiences without compare, is tricky and most of us have ...
Loving somebody who is afraid
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
24 January 2008: Fear is one of the most potent human emotions that there is; it's one of the most pervasive there is because it is rooted in our survival instincts, in other words our subconscious mind. In the dim distant past fear would have saved many a early ...
Is love selfish??
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2007: This is actually something I wrote for my blog but it is based on a question written here.... An interesting question on this site was posted the other day from a American teenager (Is love selfish??)who was writing an essay on the question of ...
What is love??
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
15 June 2007: We all each have unique experiences of this thing we call love. As such, pinning down a precise definition of the word itself is challenging enough let alone categorising the sum total of human experience. My own experiences make me a fair way short ...
Out of your league?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
4 May 2007: If one topic is bound to generate heat between me and one of my friends then it's the perennial question of 'leagues'. Quite simply she insists they exist and I insist they do not although in practice I still sometimes think in terms of them. We all ...
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My boyfriend is the only thing in my life - how do I cope when he goes to college
Q. My boyfriend found out today that he has been accepted into college to do a chef's course which I should be really proud of but I'm not.. I feel like when he goes to do this I will never see him and he might find someone else in his class or at ...
A. 16 July 2008: So it was a double negative....you didnt enjoy the course and missed him....Emily has a point but I dont think you want to end this relationship so maybe you should actually take this opportunity to sor things out??... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is the only thing in my life - how do I cope when he goes to college
Q. My boyfriend found out today that he has been accepted into college to do a chef's course which I should be really proud of but I'm not.. I feel like when he goes to do this I will never see him and he might find someone else in his class or at ...
A. 16 July 2008: As an addendum it's possible he didnt tell you because he didnt want to upset the apple cart. Train?? Phone?? I would be a bit concerned about the shouting, it's natural to pine and even feel insecure (i have been going through a period of ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is the only thing in my life - how do I cope when he goes to college
Q. My boyfriend found out today that he has been accepted into college to do a chef's course which I should be really proud of but I'm not.. I feel like when he goes to do this I will never see him and he might find someone else in his class or at ...
A. 16 July 2008: I think this is a tricky one then to be honest. Maybe you should use this opportunity to get some of your own life back. I understand speration hurting but I really dont agree with shouting at you for doing that and trying to have a life of your ... (read in full...)
She sent her new "gay" friend photos and a message. How should I respond?
Q. I have been very suspicious of my girlfriends new "gay" friend recently and did something I know I shouldnt do: I accessed her email and found that she had sent a bunch of photos with the message "Hello, as promised the photos. Big kisses, I love ...
A. 16 July 2008: I go with the consensus; it really depends on what kind of photos they were, if they were naked you are entitled to your anger and should confront her but if not then I think you are in danger of overreacting. The fact is that in my experience there ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is the only thing in my life - how do I cope when he goes to college
Q. My boyfriend found out today that he has been accepted into college to do a chef's course which I should be really proud of but I'm not.. I feel like when he goes to do this I will never see him and he might find someone else in his class or at ...
A. 16 July 2008: Well I don't think you are overreacting obviously you are feeling a little insecure in this relationship and I think there are are ways you can overcome that and there are also ways to combat the feeling of seperation which I can appreciate must be ... (read in full...)
What do you think about the situation with my ex? We are still sleeping together...
Q. My boyfriend and I have been split up for about. A month now. We were living together before the break up and since he moved out we've talked on and off with some booty call. Last night he came over we watched a movie and he started talking more on ...
A. 15 July 2008: Well it's a cliche but things really never would be the same again even if you did get back together which it seems to me is the unspoken hope of at least yourself though his comment about you lacking emotion could indicate something there though ... (read in full...)
I imagine kissing my best friend's neglected boyfriend!
Q. I am 14 and never been kissed, only had one boyfriend 3 years ago. My best friend has a really nice boyfriend, and he has all these problems at home like with his family and he just had a death in his family, and my best friend has been really ...
A. 5 July 2008: You may well have a crush but it is bourne of you feelings of compassion for this guy. I think it is significant that all you feel like doing is comforting him. In and of itself your compassion is admirable but I would advise strongly against doing ... (read in full...)
I feel rejected by my boyfriend. I don't know how to make him interactive with me...
Q. my boyfriend and i have had issues on and off since we met for various reasons. however we still keep coming back to each other and want to make it work. but im so insecure, and i think its my fault, but i keep getting hurt by him and getting really ...
A. 5 May 2008: Well obviously I would say that your insecurities are rooted in his behaviour. You said you used to be ok but now are not...you need to discover what the underlying issue is here and why he is suddenly behaving like this; you are right that getting ... (read in full...)
What is lying?
Q. Just a quick question for everyone, in your opinions does not saying anything (and letting the other person assume – whilst not telling them the truth but also not lying) constitute as lying?...
A. 3 April 2008: I don't agree Dipsy...if you want to see the world in very black and white terms then it is true that 'everything is not the truth is a lie' but in reality there are always differing shades of grey in-between black and white.
Consider this exa... (read in full...)
Who am I?
Q. This has been troubling me for a long time but this is the first time I've ever attempted to address it. I'm very confused about who I am. Most people I know seem to think that I am gay (including my gay and heterosexual friends), but I have always ...
A. 3 April 2008: I cant help but wondering if you dont already know the answer to this but dont want it to be what it is, in other words you dont want to be gay because you fear social exclusion.
I think you should do Mandy's test but i think you already know the... (read in full...)
What is lying?
Q. Just a quick question for everyone, in your opinions does not saying anything (and letting the other person assume – whilst not telling them the truth but also not lying) constitute as lying?...
A. 2 April 2008: Birdy has it about right..you have to make a clear distinction because lying is to consciously mislead someone while you cannot entirely hold somebody responsible for assumptions that ultimately you make.
Technically it is not lying and you have... (read in full...)
Is cuddling with another guy while watching a movie (minus the kissing or eye-gazing, more like just laying together) cheating if you're in a relationship?
Q. Is cuddling with another guy while watching a movie (minus the kissing or eye-gazing, more like just laying together) cheating if you're in a relationship?...
A. 30 March 2008: Seems there is a pretty even split here - I would have to come down on the side of no. Yes it is intimacy but it doesnt cross the line and friends do hug however some may feel that it does show a certain lack of respect your partner as has always ... (read in full...)
He said he wants "space" but then calls me at crazy hours! Does he still have feelings for me?
Q. Hi! Me and boyfriend broke up because, he said he wanted space and feel not ready to be in a relationship. It's only been a few days he contacted me again telling me how I was doing.etc. We are still friends and we go out together usually. Wha...
A. 28 March 2008: I think he definatly still does have feelings for you and neither of you have closure on this relationship because the feelings are still there. It sounds to me that he didnt really want to let you go but did so out of some mistaken belife it was ... (read in full...)
Why do guys try to portray they are a certain way they think you want them to be, when deep down they're not???
Q. Split with someone a couple of months ago, nothing major, had been together just over a year but kept arguing. Anyway we remained friends. We still see each other quite regularly and he would like to try again slowly, but i have stated i dont want ...
A. 27 March 2008: Well I am a little less cynical than LazyGuy and think that Emily made some good points. Some guys are exactly like LazyGuy says but then again so are some females. I rather feel that you shouldnt hold this against him to be honest unless he was ... (read in full...)
How do I get my friends to stop...?????
Q. My best friends have a problem. I know I should support them but I just can't... they have tried to stop it... but it kicks her in the ass because they want it more after they quit. I swear I'm not doing that little game where the friends I ta...
A. 26 March 2008: I am a smoker too and Abac has got it totally right. We all know its harmful (but then again so is something like drinking) but nicotine is addictive and the fact is it does work; it does reduce your stress levels. If that is the reason your friend ... (read in full...)
Two questions, is he looking at me or through me AND can Christians date others not of their faith?
Q. Ok two questions here, saves me posting twice. 1) How can you tell if someone is looking at you or looking through you, whether its from a distance or close up because with this lad I like I really can't seem to tell. I've tired taking pictures...
A. 26 March 2008: Ok...;
1) Does he make eye contact with you or appear to be studying you?? If the answer to either of those questions then I would say he is definatly looking at you.
2) Yes, I think they should be able to. Relationships allow each indvidual t... (read in full...)
Staying the distance...
Q. All but one of my relationships have been long distance affairs and 'LDR'S' are increasingly common, with the advent of the Internet age especially. It is important to draw a distinction between two different and distinct types of 'LDR': 1.Thos...
A. 24 March 2008: Hiya Askoldersister :),
Yes I have...I think the thing about LDR's is you have to keep your feet on the ground and that is something previously I havent been very good at....you have to remember that they involve a degree of projection of your own... (read in full...)
Why do they lose their respect for me when I'm such a caring GF?
Q. I dont know where Im goin wrong with guys and I need some advice. Every relationship I have had, whether long-term or short-term, it always ends because they lose their respect for me and walk all over me. I dont know why this happens because I am a ...
A. 23 March 2008: You give an inch and people take a yard, its the oldest story in the book I am afraid. I am afraid I suffer from the same thing as you although I am not a girl obviously. Good relationships are the one where there is a balance of power and in this ... (read in full...)
I have a problem with contradicting people... my relationship suffered from it. What can I do now?
Q. i have recently ended my relationship after nearly 2 years together. we were arguing constantly, upto the point where we were actually afraid to talk to each other because of what would happen. I have a problem with contradicting people that has ...
A. 23 March 2008: Well it depends what you were arguing about because in some instances it is right to stand your ground but in general the best advice I can give is that you need to learn to appreciate the other persons point of view and to meet somewhere in the ... (read in full...)
Are friendships or relationships with penpals possible?
Q. Hello buddies! i was thinking...can we fall in love with a person that we never met? I mean,a penpal that we never met...? I talk with a guy called Josh since 7 or 8 months now and it's like my best friend,but i never met him! I found him on mys...
A. 23 March 2008: I think it is possible to have a deep emotional relationship with somebody that you have never met purely because human beings can project beyond their own physical space. After all we hear alot of talk about people having 'emotional affairs' so it ... (read in full...)
I met him online... how do I break the news to my Mum?
Q. Hi, I have recently met a very lovely guy on a dating site- we have seen each other via web camera, and have met a couple of times. I'm not sure how to break it to my mum, however. She is convinced that everyone on the internet is harmful, and whil...
A. 23 March 2008: Given the circumstances I feel that you may be better advised to wait until you move out. While you are living with your mum she will feel, rightly or wrongly, that she should have a say and it could cause friction between the two of you and I am ... (read in full...)
Pregnant with my cheating boyfriend's baby! Should I have it?
Q. me and my boyfriend are having alot of issues right now.right after Valentines Day I found out that he cheated on me. he treated me like crap for awhile then we tried to work things out. Things arent the same, but we tried to work on them. I just ...
A. 22 March 2008: Well it is your body so ultimately, though his feelings should of course be considered, the choice is yours. As regards being selfish, he has little room to talk. Of course the other main criteria when judging what you do should be the quality of ... (read in full...)
A gentle way to break up from my GF who has self-harm tendencies?
Q. I've grown apart from my girlfriend of 15 months and need a very gentle way to break up with her over a period of time. I don't want her to get really upset as she used to self-harm...
A. 20 March 2008: Its not going to be easy whatever way you do it but you can try and soften the blow. I would try and avoid making her the problem; by that I mean you should talk about how you feel so it is about you. Tell her you feel like you have drifted away and ... (read in full...)
I love him - but what if he can't give me what I need, as my father warns?
Q. How on earth does my father know? My dad doesn't like my bf. Not even a little bit. So last night he told me that my bf would never start working now, he's 20. He said that he would only study but never actually do the job. I just got off the phone ...
A. 20 March 2008: Well the theory is that if you study longer then you get a better job since you have more qualifications. I dont think you can hold his descision to study longer against him realistically especially as you said that you yourself intend to do the ... (read in full...)
What is the expiry date on a lie?
Q. What the expiry date on a lie. When we were teenagers my girlfriend never turned up for a date. I went on to marry this girl and later find out she went out on a date with your best friend instead. Does the lie invalidate everything inbetween? like ...
A. 20 March 2008: Well I think the expiry date on a lie is when it ceases to become relevant to your present day lives. It may feel like everything in-between is invalidated but I certainly don't think it does because the reality is that you were both young and maybe ... (read in full...)
After debating this for a while, I sat down at my desk this morning and wrote this to my probably soon to be ex. Can anyone advise if this is the right way to go?
Q. After debating this for a while, I sat down at my desk this morning and wrote this to my probably soon to be ex. Can anyone advise if this is the right way to go. I know email is not the way to go, but I'm tending to descend into floods of tears ...
A. 20 March 2008: The letter sounds like a good idea...it seems like he is unhappy too but from what you are saying he isnt quite resolved on ending the relationship, so he is kind of half in half out, thus there is hope for you however you do need to get these ... (read in full...)
After debating this for a while, I sat down at my desk this morning and wrote this to my probably soon to be ex. Can anyone advise if this is the right way to go?
Q. After debating this for a while, I sat down at my desk this morning and wrote this to my probably soon to be ex. Can anyone advise if this is the right way to go. I know email is not the way to go, but I'm tending to descend into floods of tears ...
A. 20 March 2008: Well the questioner isnt really breaking up with somebody so the previous reply is indeed a bit harsh. As to the actual question itself it's really rather hard to answer without knowing a little more detail; what makes you feel that your partner "no ... (read in full...)
Am I being selfish? Should I walk away?
Q. HI there, ive been seeing my boyfriend for nearly 9 months. Everythings great apart from the fact that he's not got a job, he has been temping but in the time ive been with him its just been 3 jobs. Im begining to feel that im resenting him. I want ...
A. 20 March 2008: I think the other two posters have it about right; both points of view are understandable but the bottom line here is that he is trying, it is not as if he is sitting around doing nothing to improve the situation which is sometimes the case. In this ... (read in full...)
I'm looking for subtle but effective ways to make my BF jealous, because he also disrespects me!
Q. My guy likes to try and make me jealous by talking about how hot other women are and flirting with women sometimes. I never give him the satisfaction of letting him know it bothers me after all what's good for the goose is good for the gander. But I ...
A. 17 March 2008: Blues has it about right...I really cant stand it when people play games with me to be honest and its very likely it would just annoy me and push me away. You need to confront him about it and tell him to change his ways. I think a certain amount of ... (read in full...)
Should I call this girls father and tell him she is living with a married man??
Q. My husband and I have been having trouble for a while, initially stemming from financial problems which led to every other problem imaginable. Neither of us were truly working on things. Right when we were about to turn a corner, he apparent...
A. 17 March 2008: My immediate gut feeling is no to be honest; although you may feel that he a) deserves this and b) it will help you two reunite I dont think it will bring you two any closer back together. If you are implicated in breaking these two up then it could ... (read in full...)
I was assaulted by the man I was seeing last night, I'm scared to press charges though!
Q. I was assaulted last night by a guy I had been dating for a month or so. I thought I knew him well-ish, he comes into the pub where I work, where I have worked for 8 months. Seems a nice guy, hasd a past with drugs and alcohol abuse, but since ...
A. 16 March 2008: The police cannot be their 24/7 but if you tell them your concerns they will provide you with the relevant protection themselves or else point you in the direction of people who can; in the meantime your immediate concern should be to find a safe ... (read in full...)
My date knows rasist jokes but claims he is not racist. Should I broach the subject to him to understand his thinking?
Q. I think my new guy's a racist. He says jokes that I don't like. I told him this but he keeps saying them. Maybe he just says them because he was raised in well, let's just say not my area of town and is ignorant of other peoples cultures. Should I ...
A. 15 March 2008: Tricky, the fact is that people who tell prejeudiced jokes often do not consider themselves to be so and you are probably right; he will deny it and bring up his friends as no doubt being proof of that. Whether they actually are or not is a question ... (read in full...)
Is she lying about filing for divorce to be with me?
Q. I am in process of getting a divorce. I am in love with a married woman who says she has moved out of their house into her mom's. I have relocated 3 hrs. away. She said she is going to file her paperwork. But then suddenly, she is going away to ...
A. 15 March 2008: I dont see two weeks as being an awful long time to be honest and I think that if her reasoning is sound which you say it is here then you have to accept what she is saying at face value unless you have any other reasons to doubt her stories.
... (read in full...)
Is it selfish to expect this from a close friend?
Q. Here's the scenario: Before my friend Vicky's birthday, she went clubbing with my ex and one of my ex's friends. My ex and I had a really bad break up and she knew that he hurt me pretty bad by cheating on me. Anyways, she invited him thinking that ...
A. 14 March 2008: I think this is a tricky one; on the one hand it is her birthday so it is her perogative to invite who she pleases. On the other you could reasonably expect some sensitivity to be shown. However, ultimately, you say here that she didnt really expect ... (read in full...)
I just can't break up with my cheating boyfriend even though I have proof, help me....
Q. I can't break up with my cheating boyfriend. I found proof he cheated on me and yet I can't seem to bring myself to break up. I go to college and I sadly do not have any friends at all where I live. I lost them all so I could be with him! So no ...
A. 14 March 2008: Good advice from angy but I have a hunch, and I maybe wrong, that the reason you lost your friends is because you moved away from home with him in which case things could become slightly more complicated....
Do you love him?? Is it that keeping ... (read in full...)
Why am I dreaming of my boss, will something happen?
Q. Hi, a bit of advice please? Im 20 this year and Im in a happy 2 year relationship but recently I had a dream that I was kissing my sort of boss at work! And now I cant get him out of my head, I've always found him attractive but havent really ...
A. 12 March 2008: I think you have rather answered your own question here. A part of you wants something to happen and that part of you is expressing itself in your dreams. As to why now I dont honestly know the answer to that, all I can guess is that something has ... (read in full...)
She doesn't feel the same way... how can we still be friends?
Q. I am male and I am deeply in love with by best friend (female). She has known for years how I feel and has made it clear that she doesn't feel the same way which I respect. However, we have stayed close friends. We go on holiday together, she cooks ...
A. 11 March 2008: Caught between a rock and a hard place. It seems like she has behaved honourably and not encouraged you to feel anymore and for that you should be grateful, it also makes you totally right at the end; it isnt her fault she doesnt feel the same.
... (read in full...)
Can a man have an affair and still be seeing the 'love of his life' ???
Q. I'm in agony here. I am having a long distance relatioinship with a guy, for a year. We see each other 2 or 3 times a month. Last time I saw him, I found a movie ticket in his pocket for 27 dresses. After lying, he admitted he took his neighbor to ...
A. 11 March 2008: I find what he is saying quite contradictory; he gets lonely and is a 'physical guy' but hasnt done anything with her except take her to the movies and hang-out, at least that is what he seems to be saying here. Having said that, people do have ... (read in full...)
Should I tell him my true age before the situation turns more complicated? I'm not 16 just yet.
Q. So i have a pretty minior problem. First off i am 15, (turning 16 in may) and the guy i am talking too is 18 (turning 19 in may also) we have kissed once or twice, and we talk constantly. he wants to take me out on a date, and seems pretty honest ...
A. 11 March 2008: Whenever you tell him it is going to be really complicated because you have to admit that you lied. I totally agree that he has a right to know and that you should tell him...I can see the argument for waiting till you turn 16 but you have to bear ... (read in full...)
Ever since my girlfriend's night out she's been receiving text messages from another guy.
Q. My girlfriend (age 34) went out to a nightclub with her girlfriend the other night. Since she returned she has not stopped receiving text messages. I finally did the unthinkable and pinched her cellphone and took a look. Sure enough, there is...
A. 11 March 2008: Sunset is basically right. Even if you hadn't have looked at her stuff the answer I would give would be to talk to her about it; I think if you dont then it is always going to be at the back of your mind where it will eat away at you until you have ... (read in full...)
When my bf goes away I cry and worry for a few days...any advice how I can cope??
Q. I just need some advice really. I have been with my bf almost 2 years We love each other loads He is in the army and travels a lot. The travelling has become more and more over the last 6 months The time he is away can vary from 2 months to 2 wee...
A. 9 March 2008: I think Eve has it broadly right although I would strongly advise against not dealing with these emotions. Instead of looking to your bf however I think you need to start talking to your friends about how you feeling and once you have given vent to ... (read in full...)
Can one be in love with two people at the same time, as my gf claims? What should I do?
Q. hi i've been dating my girlfriend for six weeks, we met on the internet, we both got on really well, and love each other, we were talking about honesty and trusting each other being a big thing in an relationship, she told me by text the next day ...
A. 8 March 2008: Well since people are distinct individuals I would say that yes you can, it is possible to love many people at any given time; society in general however only permits you to be in a relationship with one at a time. What we have here is most likely a ... (read in full...)
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