I'm afraid I may make a mistake.
Q. Hi, I'm currently engaged to my fiance' of 2 months and girlfriend of 2 years. Through out the entire relationship I've had feelings for different people, and most of these feelings come and go. Is this normal and healthy? does this mean i'm not ...
A. 1 November 2007: You probably are a little paranoid dude. However, it does seem to be a common thread though with people who come to DearCupid , especially those in the 22-25 age group who are about to get married.
If you are not acting on these impulses it spea... (read in full...)
This one is for the guys.
Q. Hey whats up. This one is for the guys. Its partly for my own info. OK any guy who has been asked out by a girl, I would really appreciate your response. This is a two-parter so here we go. 1.Do you like being asked out by girls, is it a turn-on ...
A. 1 November 2007: Hi,
Guys love being asked out by girls, that way we dont have to build up the courage to ask you girls out! It's scary stuff!
A girl simply rang me once , asked me what I was up to, she said she was going to the beach and would I like to come? Ea... (read in full...)
Do we girls have to wait forever for a man to propose and settle down?
Q. Mom thinks that I should marry soon because I am already 31 years old. I also want to start my own family, however BF wants to wait. He claims he's not emotionally and financially prepared. I understand, but that makes me wonder. Any single NY men ...
A. 1 November 2007: Hi,
Men eh? what can you do!
I'm not too sure what he means by not being ready emotionally. That sounds like a bit of a cop out. If you are together and in your 30's what's the problem?
As for financial concerns, that is different. We gu... (read in full...)
Jealous, Wife wants MFM
Q. My Wife and I have been happily married for past 12 years. I'm 35 and she's 33. We have 2 kids. Healthy Sexual appetite. A year back, at the local library she accidentally picked up a movie about swingers and was excited by the idea but too jealous/...
A. 1 November 2007: Hi,
simple answer really. Don't do it. The fact that you have so many concerns is a massive warning sign that it would turn out badly.
Unless you find it the most exciting thing sexually and would boost your sexual relationship its best to leave it... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend being controlling?
Q. How can I tell if my boyfriend is being controlling? Some of the things he does are just annoying - for example, getting angry if another guy writes on my facebook wall or if I haven't talked to him long enough on the phone. But other things are ...
A. 1 November 2007: Hi,
Yes he loves you so much that if you dont do what he says it proves that you dont love him as much as he loves you. Sound familiar? This is classic controlling behaviour, you think its bad now wait another couple of years you will find tha... (read in full...)
I want to leave my husband for my secret boyfriend, but am afraid my family will be angry
Q. I am in such a difficult situation that I am feeling really desperate with nobody to talk to about it. I have been married for 11 years and have been unhappy for the majority of it - although I have tried to dig in and keep going trying and hoping ...
A. 1 November 2007: Hi,
I'm sorry to see you are having such a difficult time.
I have little empathy for your husband even though you say he is trying to patch things up. The mental and physical abuse does it for me. He doesnt deserve a partner.
As to what to do, ... (read in full...)
Any thoughts on why I feel uneasy?
Q. My boyfriend and I have a good relationship, but there are large gaps in between physical intimacy. I also know he views porn videos. Even though it is not on a regular basis - I still feel uneasy. Thoughts?...
A. 31 October 2007: Hi,
It sounds like you may have hit a rut in the physical side of things. Are you both conservative in your love making? If so things can get a bit repetitive and while he still loves you, it doesnt take away from sex becoming routine.
I think... (read in full...)
What other 'little things' can I do to be romantic?
Q. Hello Im the first to admit Im terrible at being romantic, but I try. My girlfriend says I need to be more romantic, but I dont get what she is asking for. I take her flowers now and then, chocolates, leave little notes etc. We stay in o...
A. 31 October 2007: Hi,
I don't really know what to suggest save for whisking her away to a tropical island, showering her with roses, drinking Dom Perignon etc etc... Bascially want I'm trying to say is some people are never happy.
It seems you are doing a hell... (read in full...)
Please Help! I can't get rid of the feeling that my boyfriend is cheating!
Q. Please help! I have this burning feeling in my gut that my boyfriend is cheating on me. Even though i have tried to convince myself otherwise, the feeling just won't go away! Here's the deal: we have been together for quite some time- almost 3 ...
A. 31 October 2007: Hi,
there are a lot of what ifs here, but as they say - 'where there's smoke there's fire'.
You mention your boyfriend has managed to squeeze out of trouble with the law, this really doesnt say a lot about his character ( did he commit a serious ... (read in full...)
Can he really mean those words after two years?
Q. My boyfriend of just over 2 years ended our relationship for good 1 week ago. The first year of our relationship was fantastic we were so in love and talked about living together, marriage etc. Things started to slow down April this year whe...
A. 31 October 2007: Hi,
sorry to see you going through this , it must be very painful.
I think you have to accept that too much has passed between you two to repair the relationship.
His behaviour has been appalling and sleeping with this other girl was not som... (read in full...)
He thinks our relationship is getting too serious and wants to think about it...
Q. I was in a relationship for three years, two of which I lived with the guy and we were engaged to be married next year. I began having doubts quite a while ago but stuck it out to see if things changed, which they didn't. During the last month or ...
A. 31 October 2007: Hi,
there are a couple of positives you can take from this. At least you know the guy isnt just trying to get you into bed. Secondly, he is being upfront about his situation and isnt trying to lead you on.
I'm wondering if you moved a little fas... (read in full...)
He will work away from home for a while and I'm terrified he will cheat again, as it happened in the past when we faced distance!
Q. Hi, I'm in a bit of a strange situation at the moment. I have been with my boyfriend for just over 2 years now and we moved in together a month ago. He has been asked to work away from home for 3 months which will start just before christmas. It is ...
A. 30 October 2007: Hi,
I think you have to give him the benefit of the doubt. Otherwise why are you still together? You trust him now dont you? The cheating was done at the start of the relationship, now you are two years in and making plans for the rest of your lif... (read in full...)
Can I trust him?
Q. I have been very un-trustful with my fiancee since I found out he had cheated on me 2 years ago. I forgave him but will never forget. So now I find myself looking through his e-mails and have recently found out that he has been registering onto sex ...
A. 30 October 2007: Hi,
You appear to have almost zero self confidence. You are trawling through your husbands personal mails and finding out he is cheating on you again. Then you talk about betraying his trust ,you are but only because he is still cheating and you ... (read in full...)
When is the good time, to start living togetehr?
Q. Hi everyone! So I have a BF (5months now). We have a great relationship and we love each other. I know he is the one - I never felt this way for anybody and he saiz the same. The guestion is ... When do you think is a good time to start liv...
A. 30 October 2007: Hi,
I really dont think you should look at it from a time perspective, more of when its right.
Moving in together changes everything, either for the better or worse. I'm of the opinion of sooner rather than later as you dont want to wait 5 years... (read in full...)
Should me and my fiance try to start things up again?
Q. M fiance broke up with me just over a fortnight ago, the reason being, she felt I had jealousy issues and did not do enough for her son (even though we do not live together) I tried to get her to change her mind, but when she stated that her ...
A. 30 October 2007: Hi,
If the issues between you two are still there I can see no reason why you should get back, they will surely surface again in no time.
Unless you can sort these out, what would be the point in opening up old wounds?... (read in full...)
He won't let me clean, cook, etc - not to protect me, but because I'm not doing it right? Control issues? Is there hope for us?
Q. I'm a bright, successful woman dating a fellow with less education and world experience. We meet well on a spiritual and artistic level. The problem? Control. I try to dust, he is concerned about where the spiders will go. I put a log on the fire...
A. 30 October 2007: Hi again,
It's not unrealistic to expect him to meet you halfway, however the problem will be not if he thinks its realistic but whether he is actually able to modify his behaviour in the first place.
From what you say it looks like he has OCD. ... (read in full...)
I need my ex - but my boyfriend can't cope with it
Q. Hiya i wrote up afew days back about the fact that my bf did not like me being friends with my ex husband although i was clean about it from the start and he was ok now he's changed. This is the link to my last question: ...
A. 30 October 2007: Hi,
I'm wondering why you arent still with your ex husband in the first place, you get on well, you are confidantes and you have a daughter together. What is the problem with the relationship it all seems so rosy yet you are not together anym... (read in full...)
He won't let me clean, cook, etc - not to protect me, but because I'm not doing it right? Control issues? Is there hope for us?
Q. I'm a bright, successful woman dating a fellow with less education and world experience. We meet well on a spiritual and artistic level. The problem? Control. I try to dust, he is concerned about where the spiders will go. I put a log on the fire...
A. 30 October 2007: Hi,
when you ask is there any hope? If you are referring to him suddenly losing is OCD issues I think not. You have the boyfriend who is sensitive and artistic on the plus side and controlling on the negative side. If you think he will mira... (read in full...)
Should I just move on?
Q. BF for over a year has told me that he is not emotionally and financially ready for marriage. We're both 31 years old. Does he mean that I am not the one for him and I should move on? ...
A. 30 October 2007: Hi,
not too much to go on here. But it doesn't necessarily mean he doesnt love you. How are things going for him? Does he have a good job? Things like this can get us guys down when we hit our 30's. All of a sudden the talk starts getting round to w... (read in full...)
Why won't my ex leave me alone?
Q. Why won't my ex leave me alone? I broke up with him 3 weeks ago and he still texts me to say he misses me. I don't respond. He called yesterday but the caller id said unknown because he knew I wouldn't answer if I knew it was him, so stupidly I ...
A. 30 October 2007: Hi,
your ex sounds like he's got one hell of an ego on him. So he probably can't come to terms with the fact that a girl doesn't want him anymore. He's undoubtedly angry that he doesn't have control over you and until his next punching bag come... (read in full...)
I may be a hopeless romantic.
Q. Hiya people. I seem to have a lot of trouble in having friends, much less GUY friends. The problem is that i have NO GUY friends wahtsoever...and i ask myself, is this why i dont have a boyfriend either? Because, in movies and such, to be wit...
A. 30 October 2007: Hi there,
If you are pretty, then its most likely boys your own age are too scared to talk to you. There's nothing harder than trying to talk to a cute girl when you are a teenager ( this from my own personal experience ).
But I like your attitud... (read in full...)
I've made a big mistake, please help.
Q. I cheated on my fiance with his best friend Tim (also my friend) who is also married and his wife is one of my best friends, but to tell the truth I'm more worried about my friend's feelings than my fiance's, I guess that sounds bad, but I have ...
A. 29 October 2007: Hi,
I think that you are assuming that your neighbour suffers from the same level of guilt as you do.
Personally I can't see any reason why he would tell his wife, what would be the point? You may not be able to handle the guilt but I reckon mos... (read in full...)
My b/f and I can't talk without getting into a fight!
Q. My b/f and I can't talk without getting into a fight! It seems like he feels the need to challenge everything that comes out of my mouth, even the most benign statements. He corrects, or contradicts with attitude. It's getting to the point where I ...
A. 29 October 2007: Hi,
I'm afraid you've got a bona fide male chauvenist on your hands. You only have to go into the local pub to see them lined up at the bar ( their ex girlfriends and ex wives having long ago ditched them ). They believe that the man is the head... (read in full...)
I still love my "sort of" current boyfriend, but I'm not sure if our time is over... I'm so ashamed...
Q. I have a question I feel very ashamed about. I'm currently in a relationship that has lasted over a couple years. We've been through a lot together, including almost breaking up several times, and breaking up once that lasted a week - overall ...
A. 29 October 2007: Hi,
you just have to accept the fact that we all change as we grow older. Our priorities and interests change and regretably our loves as well.
Some people can stay together for ever, however people often grow apart and it looks like you and your... (read in full...)
Help!!! How do I get a second chance at love with my ex?
Q. My ex and I broke up at the beginning of the summer. He initiated it, saying he wasn't ready and just couldn't do it. I was heartbroken (and still am). Truthfully, we both made mistakes leading to the break-up. He was emotionally closed off and that ...
A. 29 October 2007: Hi,
If you want to contact him, I think a hand written letter on its own will suffice. If you send the cheque then its almost like a business transaction in my view.
I would send him his money back via paypal with a small note in the comments... (read in full...)
My boyfriend never invites me to parties... Should I be worried or am I overreacting?
Q. Hi, I'm a 20 yr old female. I've been in a relationship for the past 8 months. Although I know it's normal for the dynamic of a relationship to change over time, I just can't seem to shake the feeling of inevitable doom. Around September, my bo...
A. 29 October 2007: Hi,
on the surface it may seem a little suspicious. However, you mention that your bf meets up with these old friends "sometimes two weekends " out of the month. So I gather from that its more like once a month in general. This really doesnt s... (read in full...)
Should I get rid of him and get on with my life?
Q. I have been married for 7 years. We dont do anything together or talk and have had no intimacy for 4 years. When he goes to the pub he comes home late expecting his dinner. I think I still love him but can't put up with it anymore. I need a bit ...
A. 26 October 2007: It looks like your hubby needs a wake up call. I find men of this generation often are used to the lifestyle where the boys meet at the pub every night and wifey has dinner waiting for them at home. But in this day and age many women are breaking ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend gay or just open minded?
Q. I was on my boyfriend's computer trying to find a document I downloaded for homework and found gay porn on it. He's said that he had sex with another guy in the past and that he likes having stuff up his butt (ie. toys, etc.). We are crazily...
A. 25 October 2007: Hi,
I can understand your concerns. First the fact that he is looking solely at gay porn as opposed to straight and gay is a worry.
On the other hand its important to realise just because someone is bisexual it doesnt mean they are any more lik... (read in full...)
He's in communication with his ex, but says she initiates the contact.
Q. I met this guy 3 weeks ago. We have been hanging out alot and it is going great. He text each other all day every day and call each other every night. However here is the curve ball. He is just getting out of a bad relationship. He said that his ...
A. 24 October 2007: Hi,
I cant really see too much of a problem here. First point - he is still in contact with his ex. After only a few weeks that is natural, as they will undoubtedly have things to tie up from their relationship - mutual possessions etc.
I think h... (read in full...)
She says she'd never cheat on me.
Q. Hi i am a 28yo Male who has been in a live in relationship for 1 year. I was cheated on in my last relationship and I found out early on that my current girlfriend had cheated on her last boyfriend and one when she was in her teens. My proble...
A. 24 October 2007: Hi,
this is a bit of a tough one. First and foremost, I would discount what her friend said , if she holds a bit of a torch for you then it isnt to hard for to exaggerate her girlfriends promiscuity. Doesnt really say much about this girl does it ... (read in full...)
How do I get a second chance?
Q. How does one get a second chance w/ an ex? We dated for a year, then lived together for 8 months. I made a lot of mistakes (as did he), but I want a second chance. We haven't talked in a couple of months now, any suggestions how I can get back on ...
A. 24 October 2007: Hi,
it all depends on the mistakes I guess. Did you cheat on him? It might be hard for him to forgive if that's the case.
Otherwise, write him a letter. It's a long lost form of communication , its personal in your own handwriting and it allows y... (read in full...)
He's 7 years older than me. Should I carry on seeing him?
Q. I met this guy on the internet and we met, don't worry,he is who he said he is, but the problem? He's seven years older! Should I continue seeing him?...
A. 24 October 2007: He's most likely going to try and meet you. If this happens please tell your parents and hopefully they will call the police.
No 17 year old boy wants to start a platonic relationship with a 10-12 year old girl. I'm sorry it just doesnt happen in t... (read in full...)
Is it cheating if you're in a new relationship and that person or you haven't said that you love eachother yet?
Q. I am just in a new relationship with a great guy , who is taking me to Paris next month which i am both excited and nervous about , you see i have come out of a bad relationship that lasted 6 years recently. i have a child with my ex and he keeps on...
A. 24 October 2007: I think you already know the answer to your question , you are just guilty about it.
The last thing you do is tell your new bf you slept with your ex ( if that's what you are thinking might help alleviate the guilt ). If you do this you wont see ... (read in full...)
Are there any good looking decent men available?
Q. hi ya all im 18 and female and just wanted to no what it is a guy wants in a girl? and what a girl should do to make a lad/man love her for who she is? i do not want to change and all i want is to be happy and loved. i have low self asteem and just ...
A. 24 October 2007: Hi,
I think you need to differentiate between the two types of lads out there.
One type are looking to get laid. They will meet the girl have sex and then move on. The girls usually are into the same thing. Everyone's happy. It's call the mea... (read in full...)
Can anyone crack this code for me?
Q. I guess trust is a relationship question, so I'll give this a try. My husband goes to great lengths to hide a piece of paper with odd letters and numbers on it. I have no idea what it's all about. I do know that he gets up at 3:30 a.m. (3 hours ...
A. 24 October 2007: they are most likely dates. no numbers over 31 and the number 45 would be 4 and a 5 as it is sequential from the other page.
I love cryptic problems , but I cant work this one out save for them most likely being dates - the letters could be init... (read in full...)
My fiance is VERY controlling. What can I do??
Q. he tells me what i can and can not do. he tries to control me. i been in this relationship for 6 months. my fiance is 47 and i am 31. Recently he has start arguing with me about people that I be around. when my cell phone rings i get worried because ...
A. 24 October 2007: So why are you still with this guy? You must realise now that you cant change him ( which of course is what most women who end up with these arseholes think ).
He is just getting warmed up mate, wait and see you wont be able to sneeze without him ... (read in full...)
I just can't get through to him that I'm not cheating! Please help!
Q. My husband and I have been married for 3 1/2 years, but together for 7. We have 3 boys, 6,3,1. I have been completely faithful to him since we first got involved and haven't been with anyone else since! I kept in contact with an old flame who is ...
A. 24 October 2007: What is worrying is you dont think that this continued relationship with your ex flame is destructive.
You mention yourself that "we still have strong chemistry" . I'm sure your husband is aware of this after reading your emails. Imagine how he feel... (read in full...)
I got upset by his "weight" comment. What should I do?
Q. Okay So I'm seeing this guy I met online...it's been almost a year now, and recently I noticed a few small comments about weight..."oh you should have seen this guy at the mall...he was HUGE!" things like that...My BF is in Japan and I am in the U...
A. 24 October 2007: He is a shallow superficial arsehole.
So why are you still in communication with him?... (read in full...)
I had an affair, no love in my marriage.
Q. Im married and had had a affair for 4 and a half years. He is married too. Im 33 and he is 44. Weve been having a great time, really excellent sexual relationship - no comittment - no pressure - the all of a sudden he said he thinks it time to call ...
A. 24 October 2007: Hi,
"no commitment - no pressure" your words, you said it yourself.
He's moved on to the next girl I would say. No committment no pressure.
Or there may even be the chance that he is trying to save his own marriage.
Is there are reason w... (read in full...)
How to bring this up without making it a big thing?
Q. Okay so I've been in a serious relationship for about 6 months. Before this relationship I was a very into having sex and so was my then boyfriend. We normally had sex 1-4 times a day. My current boyfriend though is another story. We rarly have sex ...
A. 24 October 2007: Hi,
It looks like he is probably masturbating to the porn and then losing interest in you.
A lot of times in a relationship its not a simply a case of both parties being able to have sex all the time at will. After a while the man ( or woman ) ... (read in full...)
Do I stay in the marriage for the sake of the children?
Q. Help! I have been married for 25 years. Have 2 children. 6 and 9. For most of my marriage, my husband has refused to touch me. I used to think there was something wrong with me, but turns out, he is very messed up sexually, and we've just started ...
A. 23 October 2007: Hi,
I can understand it must be very painful for you now. Having no physical connection with your husband must be very hard for you. However I'm a bit perplexed as to why it has taken 25 years for you to start confronting this issue?
For one, ... (read in full...)
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