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| | *ndie's Thoughts's profile:I'm Andie and I'm surviving life until I can really start to live it :)
Karma does happen:
My dad was a married woman's other guy for only a few weeks (about a decade before my mum met him), then realised he wasn't okay with helping her betray her husband. His friend became her other guy, husband came home while they were at it, the guy jumped out of the window and the husband knew, so grabbed a bicycle, chased him and punched him once, going 20mph, so it knocked him out. A couple of relationships later, after getting £15,000 in debt to help a woman leave her abusive husband and getting in a relationship with her, my dad came back from a holiday with his parents and found her with another guy. |
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Communication issues with LDR boyfriend. Is it normal not to talk every day?
Q. I've been having issues w/communication frequency and attention w/my bf. We met online and have met in person a couple times. He came up for almost 2 weeks almost a month ago and everything is always amazing w/us when we are physically together ...
A. 25 January 2017: You're not cut out for an LDR and you're not compatible because he doesn't need the same amount of contact with you - it doesn't mean he doesn't like you the same way.
That said, you're not compatible and you need someone local.... (read in full...)
Really nervous about trying a strap-on for the first time. Do I bring up the topic before or during sex?
Q. Hey dear community! I've a girlfriend (she's 25) for a while now (about 1.5 years) and all in all its pretty awsome. The sex is really amazing, far better than anything I ever had and she is feeling the same. We really care for each other, even...
A. 25 January 2017: It really is about doing what's comfortable and being open. Tell her you're nervous and it'll put both of you at ease, a little.
Most women can't orgasm from penetration alone, so it should be a bonus, not the ending. Ask her if it's okay for you ... (read in full...)
Does being rich make a guy sexier, or does he just offer more security?
Q. Does being rich make a guy sexier, or does he just offer more security? What is better in a guy who is 20-30 years old.. Being super rich (through inheritance or the lottery), or having an $US80k job?...
A. 25 January 2017: Interestingly enough, the only reason I wanted to be rich was to help fix world problems. If I met a man who happened to be rich and used his money (wisely) to help build wells in 3rd world countries, to bring food to those who need it, to help ... (read in full...)
How can I get my boyfriend to notice me in a positive way and in a sexual way
Q. My boyfriend seems to not notice me in a positive way or sexual way. I don't know if it's because he's more attracted to his video games or I'm just not attractive enough, but either way it's lowering my self esteem. What can I do to make him notice ...
A. 25 January 2017: Talk to him about it. You can't make someone feel something. He may just be someone who isn't very sexual. If he didn't see you positively, he wouldn't be with you.... (read in full...)
Are my friends wrong? Is this a sugar daddy relationship? Or do I tell him how I really feel?
Q. I moved to a different province for school. I ended up meeting an older guy , he's 41. We decided to not focus on labels and to just have fun , we both agreed that because of our age difference changes are our relationship wouldn't probably last ...
A. 24 January 2017: If I'm totally honest, I'd be quite worried if a grown man found a young adult dating material - he should be established in his life and want a woman who is also at a similar time in hers, not an 18-21 year old lady who is just starting out.
... (read in full...)
Communication issues with LDR boyfriend. Is it normal not to talk every day?
Q. I've been having issues w/communication frequency and attention w/my bf. We met online and have met in person a couple times. He came up for almost 2 weeks almost a month ago and everything is always amazing w/us when we are physically together ...
A. 24 January 2017: I don't think either of you are cut out for an LDR, as you've posted quite a few times about how it's not working, particularly regarding his communication needs differing from yours.
Not all LDRs work - most don't. You seem to have too much of ... (read in full...)
Is it degrading to let a guy ejaculate on you?
Q. When I was 15, my mother sat me down and had "the talk". She is very open and liberal, so we ended up talking about everything from sex and birth control to relationships and life in general. One of the things she was adamant about was that por...
A. 23 January 2017: Porn tends to be degrading, yes. Ejaculating on someone's face can be degrading, but if you're okay with it, then that's fine and it's not degrading for you (at least not at the moment). It may or may not change - either is okay.
With that sai... (read in full...)
Are my friends wrong? Is this a sugar daddy relationship? Or do I tell him how I really feel?
Q. I moved to a different province for school. I ended up meeting an older guy , he's 41. We decided to not focus on labels and to just have fun , we both agreed that because of our age difference changes are our relationship wouldn't probably last ...
A. 23 January 2017: To a degree, age doesn't matter - but this is a time when it does, as he's buying your affections (whether intentional or not) and he shouldn't see someone your age as dateable.
It does seem like a sugar daddy situation, even if it's not delibera... (read in full...)
I really want things to work with this man but am unsure how to do so
Q. Hi all, I'm looking for some advice... I've been in a relationship for 3 months. When we first started dating I told him some things about my past I shouldn't have. It didn't seem to bother him then but it's a huge deal now. On top of that I have 2 ...
A. 23 January 2017: That's his toxic masculinity view that he needs to get over - being a good provider isn't about being rich and you should be able to provide for yourself, especially as you've only been together for three months.
I think the two of you are rush... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's parents are strict and I'm not sure what to do anymore
Q. Hi everyone, I'm kind of new to this so I apologize if this is a bit unorganized. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year and a half and besides the ups and downs we are very much in love with each other and even plan to have a f...
A. 23 January 2017: I disagree with N91 as it's a cultural thing, not just being strict. They can't stop you, but this is their lifestyle and if you disrespect it by going against those rules, it will stick for the rest of your relationship, even if you eventually get ... (read in full...)
Due to see a dentist soon and feeling anxious about that. But will the dentist be disgusted about state of my teeth?
Q. I won't go into much detail about my childhood but I wasn't the best for dental hygiene and due to other circumstances which I won't discuss, it's gotten really bad and my mouth is horrible. I want to get it all sorted out and have a winning s...
A. 22 January 2017: A dentist should only make professional comments about it, as they've seen it all before.... (read in full...)
How can I get over my sexual frustration without making choices I may regret?
Q. Hi I'm 18 this year and there's this guy who I'm really interested in at work. We're kinda friends and flirt and stuff. Not only have I got feelings for him but I'm so sexually attracted to him I sometimes can't think straight. He's a touchy kinda ...
A. 22 January 2017: You're a hormonal teenager flirting at work - which is very unprofessional. I'd suggest you avoid that, so you don't get fired or a bad reference for a future job.
As for your sexual frustration, masturbate, don't have sex with anyone yet - especi... (read in full...)
My husband left me and I think he's now coming over to talk divorce. I don't think I can handle it
Q. Okay, So a few days ago my husband left and told me he wasn't coming home again via text. I tried so hard to give him space. I did send a few texts back to him and I never got a response. - Which is fair. The reason why he left is because i had ma...
A. 22 January 2017: He wants to work on it, so tell him couples' counselling and financial advice are necessary. While he's working away, you can become more independent, in case he refuses therapy and financial advice or if you both try and it doesn't work out.... (read in full...)
Am I a coward with a cold heart, for the way I choose to end relationships? How should I do it?
Q. i,am a 50 year old female, been in a relationship for five months,he is really nice, romantic, but he isn't my type. I like big bald football type of guys, he is the cowboys type, good looking, he does all the things a woman wants in a man,so h...
A. 22 January 2017: So you've been hurt once and now you're hurting many guys by disappearing without a word? OP, you're not even waiting until things go wrong, so you're ruining your chances too.
Be mature about it and tell them in person. That said, you'll never be... (read in full...)
My husband left me and I think he's now coming over to talk divorce. I don't think I can handle it
Q. Okay, So a few days ago my husband left and told me he wasn't coming home again via text. I tried so hard to give him space. I did send a few texts back to him and I never got a response. - Which is fair. The reason why he left is because i had ma...
A. 22 January 2017: After reading your previous post, I believe he's not good for you and you should be the one pushing for a divorce, if he refuses therapy.
You had your children when you were a child yourself (17ish and 19ish), so you have almost no adult life exp... (read in full...)
My husband left me and I think he's now coming over to talk divorce. I don't think I can handle it
Q. Okay, So a few days ago my husband left and told me he wasn't coming home again via text. I tried so hard to give him space. I did send a few texts back to him and I never got a response. - Which is fair. The reason why he left is because i had ma...
A. 22 January 2017: Prior to his visit, write things down that you want to say and don't ramble. It will be emotional, but try not to get hysterical, or it'll push him further away.
I didn't get to read your previous post properly, but the responses seemed to be su... (read in full...)
I really want things to work with this man but am unsure how to do so
Q. Hi all, I'm looking for some advice... I've been in a relationship for 3 months. When we first started dating I told him some things about my past I shouldn't have. It didn't seem to bother him then but it's a huge deal now. On top of that I have 2 ...
A. 22 January 2017: It's only been 3 months, this is the infatuation stage, not the love stage. Also, assuming your kids are under 16 (obviously), it would be unwise to introduce any boyfriends to them, until you've been together for 8+ months.
What issues from you... (read in full...)
My friend won't say if he is gay or bi should I ask if I can give him a bj?
Q. I've never done it before but I would like to have sex with this guy I know, I think he is bi,but I can't be sure, I stop by his house every one in a while,I never known him to be with a woman since we have been friends five or six years,he spends a ...
A. 22 January 2017: I think this is a really bad idea. Anyway, you'll lose him as a friend, if you ask and he rejected you or if you do get to do stuff, but it won't end well. Personally, I think you need to find someone else to hook up with.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend and his ex are now talking every day and I am not comfortable with it
Q. Hi there. Well something is bothering me and I don't know if it's ok for me to be upset or not. About a week ago, my boyfriends ex girlfriends grandmother died. Her and him haven't really spoken for the last year or so. But she called him to let him ...
A. 22 January 2017: Sit down with him and say you're okay with him supporting her about her grandmother's passing, but not okay with them reminiscing about their relationship.... (read in full...)
My ldr partner wants to do fun time while apart but I feel extremely unconfident doing so since he watches so much porn
Q. My partner is overseas and wants me to video chat him and call him for fun time . The problem is that that he watches loads of porn and I can't help but feel self conscious that I could never be as sexy or anywhere near as good at exciting him as ...
A. 22 January 2017: Important things to establish here are:
Have you met in person? How much? How often?
How long have you been together?
What plans are there to close the distance?
The reason I ask is because phone sex is fine, but video streaming it is ... (read in full...)
Am I too selfish to love anyone? Where or how do I begin to determine what needs to be fixed within me?
Q. I'm in a place now where my mentality is adversely affecting my ability to attract a mate. I'll start off by saying as of now, I see women as sex itself. For the most part, I don't care about their dreams, goals, past, family, etc. When I'm aroun...
A. 21 January 2017: You're just in the habit of being a bit of a jerk.
You refuse to care about others - so learn why it's important. Volunteer your time to caring for things/people besides yourself.
Limit your porn use to once a week for no more than an hour. Al... (read in full...)
Is there any way I can change his perceptions about me? How should or could I attract him back to me?
Q. Its been 50 days. My boyfriend broke up with me.. It was all my fault. Its been 2 years. For 1 year we were together when i was working ..but from last 1 year we are in long distance. I live with my parents and i am jobless. My career is ...
A. 20 January 2017: I hate myself, but I refuse to do nothing with my life. I've been on the waiting list for therapy for a long time (I can't afford private therapy), I've done volunteer work, found a hobby giving advice online and blogging about my life/feelings. I'm ... (read in full...)
Moving in together and disagree on houseguests. Help!
Q. My boyfriend and I are both 26 and moving in together for the first time. We’re doing it for the right reasons and discussed everything we could think of before making the decision together. Currently we spend most of our time together at his place, ...
A. 20 January 2017: You seemed so unreasonable, saying no houseguests ever, but you've now agreed on every 2-3 weeks provided it's pre-planned? Where was the issue, OP? You're welcome to post for help, but you seem to have handled it better with him than with us ;)
... (read in full...)
I want to celebrate my birthday and Chinese New Year. How should I ask my parents to allow this?
Q. Hi everyone So basically, my parents told me not to have any hangouts with my friends until my exam is over which is at the end of April. So my 18th birthday is in a week's time and happens to be on a school day, so my friends want to celebrat...
A. 20 January 2017: You're the poster who stays with her aunt and had trouble keeping good grades because of a boyfriend, aren't you?
I'm all for you going out locally for 4 hours to celebrate, but I think any more is asking for trouble.... (read in full...)
She has decorated my bedroom space with love letters and trinkets and it's suffocating. What can I say and how should I approach this subject?
Q. I am in quite a new relationship with my girlfriend (just over 6 months) and things have been going well. Although recently she has started to decorate my bedroom with photographs, love letters and little trinkets. It is sweet, do not get me wr...
A. 20 January 2017: It is a bit full-on for only 6 months, but some people get attached quickly.
I'd suggest taking most of it down and putting it in a shoebox. When she asks, say you like keeping them all in one place, for you to look at privately. Then ask if she c... (read in full...)
I'm starting to miss him. Was leaving the best option? How do I heal from being a victim in an emotionally abusive relationship?
Q. Hello, After Christmas (2016) I left my partner, as I came to realise I was in an emotionally abusive relationship. It was slowly wearing me down and I started to get ill; for the first time in nearly 20 years, my eczema came back and spread all...
A. 20 January 2017: He's making you out to be crazy and you want to warn others about him, yet you think you've made the wrong decision? You just miss being in a relationship, not being with him. It will fade - therapy may help.
... (read in full...)
Moving in together and disagree on houseguests. Help!
Q. My boyfriend and I are both 26 and moving in together for the first time. We’re doing it for the right reasons and discussed everything we could think of before making the decision together. Currently we spend most of our time together at his place, ...
A. 20 January 2017: It's actually very controlling and borderline abusive (to your partner) to expect them to isolate themselves when at home. You're expecting it to all be your way within your *shared* home.
Having no unplanned guests is totally reasonable, as is pu... (read in full...)
Is it my fault I got put into the FWB category?
Q. I've always been a woman that holds myself with dignity and believe that I have a lot to offer a man in a relationship. I am in no way saying this to brag or boast myself but my personality has always shined and others have told me so as well. ...
A. 19 January 2017: You put yourself there by not establishing a proper relationship before sex.
That dating coach was wrong; a guy may or may not like his FWB's personality, but that's not likely to be why they are just FWBS, as the most common reason is just tha... (read in full...)
Was he wrong for hitting me or am I being dramatic?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together 8months, I was pulling a silly face he didn't like and to stop me doing it he slapped my face, not hard by enough to shock me a little. He knows how I feel about face slapping (from previous bedroom antics) ...
A. 19 January 2017: I'd dump him. What you were doing was immature at most, but slapping is not okay. He will not change this behaviour. Leave him before his slaps get harder.... (read in full...)
He stood me up numerous times but the one time I tell him I can't meet he ends things??
Q. In december last year a guy popped up to me. we had both known of each other for a very long time, he had even been following me on all my social media platforms since 2014, but only december he decided to make his move. he was really intense ...
A. 19 January 2017: You're not going to like what I have to say:
First off, things shouldn't get "kinky" at your age.
Also, he's about 6 years too old for you and no genuine guy his age would be interested in someone your age.
Let him go and stick to guys you... (read in full...)
Help me! We aren't quite ready for a baby and I'm struggling with my feelings about hearing baby news from others! Help?
Q. Hi all! First of all I'd like to say that myself and my boyfriend of 5 years are not quite ready (space and financially wise) for a baby. I would absolutely love one and completely broody which is maybe the reason for my feelings I'm not sure. ...
A. 18 January 2017: "She's also not been with the dad very long; not that that should matter" - of course it should matter; a child shouldn't be brought into the world until the parents have been together for several years, preferably married (for legal security).
... (read in full...)
I'm in a long-distance marriage and at a loss! What should I do?
Q. I am in my second marriage and my husband and I live in separate states. There is, of course, a backstory...but my main issue is simple. He does not make our marriage a priority. In this day and age, I don't even hear from him every day. If I do, I ...
A. 18 January 2017: Unless one of you is in the military, being in a long distance marriage won't work. The whole point of being married is being together and working through life as a couple, not in different states. How long until you close the distance? How long ... (read in full...)
Any opinions as to whether she is into me?
Q. There is a young girl who I come across frequently as she works near me and I am of the understanding she is straight. I think she has a boyfriend but I am gay with a girlfriend. I am just curious as to whether she is into me or not. She remembe...
A. 18 January 2017: When you say "young girl", how young is she?
This seems like anxiety and you just being someone she remembers the name of.
I understand wondering about it for a moment, but to think about it enough to ask strangers online, when you're both take... (read in full...)
Was that a one night stand?
Q. A couple of weeks ago I was talking to a woman and we were looking to keep it casual. Friends with benefits if you will. Then when we get to my place asked her if she would like to have sex. She said no, and thought I was very attractive and fun, ...
A. 17 January 2017: FWBs don't always have set arrangements, so she may not want to contact you again yet.
Also, you shouldn't lose respect for people who want to "censor" themselves; some people want to hold off - she didn't seem convinced that she wanted to have ... (read in full...)
I'm panicking my boyfriend will cheat on a guy's trip to Cuba. How should I respond or act in this situation?
Q. My boyfriend is in Cuba for one week on a guy's trip. I am beside myself with worry that he is going to cheat. I have read that prostitutes are around every corner there and they are dirt cheap. The anxiety is hard to take. I contact him a...
A. 17 January 2017: You need therapy. You shouldn't be with anyone you don't trust, but you also don't trust anyone, so counselling is needed - as the scale of your fears is irrational.... (read in full...)
How do I ask my parents for a day off study?
Q. Hi everyone i need some advice on parents.. So recently my parents told me not to go for hangouts with my friends as my exams are in April. They were also worried at first that i was not going to get an offer from any of my universities, bu...
A. 17 January 2017: I don't think your parents sound too dominating, just worried that now is a make-or-break crucial time. I'd tell you dad you want to go out with your friends for a birthday meal for 4 hours, then you plan to come back and study.
If you show tha... (read in full...)
Boyfriend doesn't post us on social media
Q. My boyfriend and I have been official for about 90 days. I have very few complaints about him- I'm extremely happy. We go out regularly and spend lots of quality time together and go on fun dates. But he has nothing about us posted on social media. ...
A. 17 January 2017: First of all, you're new. What if you didn't last much longer and you've both got social media posts up about each other.... awkward!
Secondly, you know he's not into it because he never posts anything.
Lastly, I used to post about us occasio... (read in full...)
He says my body is his.
Q. My partner of 3 yrs and i have a beautiful little girl who is 1. Lately my partner has been trying touching me and trying to penetrate me whilst we are playing with our daughter which i have put a stop to. He has started sayimg he can touch me ...
A. 17 January 2017: First of all, touching you sexually in front of any child is wrong. It is also wrong to touch you without your consent. If he continues, you need to take your child and leave because his "your body is mine, I can touch you whenever I want" comment ... (read in full...)
Why do I have to hunt down my vacationing boyfriend by text before he answers?
Q. I need your help. I need to know whether I should end a 3.5 year relationship. My boyfriend is traveling outside the country with family. He has been in touch by text because it's expensive to send texts and make phone calls. So his texts...
A. 17 January 2017: Maybe he's been busier the past two days, or he just wants to focus on family and will focus on you when he gets back. I know why you value texts so much, but you really need to try not to because most guys' texting habits are similar to your ... (read in full...)
Why do I have to hunt down my vacationing boyfriend by text before he answers?
Q. I need your help. I need to know whether I should end a 3.5 year relationship. My boyfriend is traveling outside the country with family. He has been in touch by text because it's expensive to send texts and make phone calls. So his texts...
A. 16 January 2017: If this guy is married, you're not his girlfriend, he's not your boyfriend and he owes you nothing. You've put yourself in this mess and you're wasting your life away on a man who will never be yours.
Either leave him (the best decision), or keep ... (read in full...)
I'm panicking my boyfriend will cheat on a guy's trip to Cuba. How should I respond or act in this situation?
Q. My boyfriend is in Cuba for one week on a guy's trip. I am beside myself with worry that he is going to cheat. I have read that prostitutes are around every corner there and they are dirt cheap. The anxiety is hard to take. I contact him a...
A. 16 January 2017: Why are you with him if you're this scared he'll cheat. Him responding constantly won't reassure you. Either trust him or break up. You need to get therapy, if you're worrying yourself silly.... (read in full...)
Why do I have to hunt down my vacationing boyfriend by text before he answers?
Q. I need your help. I need to know whether I should end a 3.5 year relationship. My boyfriend is traveling outside the country with family. He has been in touch by text because it's expensive to send texts and make phone calls. So his texts...
A. 16 January 2017: When travelling with family, his family are the priority. Also, hours *should* go by between texts when home because you should both have lives that are independent of each other. The only red flag I see on his part is perhaps why you're not able ... (read in full...)
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