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Will he ever grow up and act like a man?

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 January 2010) 3 Answers - (Newest, 28 January 2010)
A female Ireland age 36-40, *elilah writes:

I have been with my boyfriend of 9 years. He’s attractive, kind, caring and loving, he looks after me and takes me out and has been a truly solid best friend, sounds great! I thought it would be a good idea to move in together and see how we got on. We both work - but I ended up doing the laundry, made the dinner, shopped and sorted the bills. It was like he didn’t have a CLUE as to how a household works. When I asked him to do the laundry, or sweep the floor, or wash the dishes, he shouted before going back to PS2 in his underpants! He once offered to make the dinner which was so bad, I lost my temper completely, then became ill as I was suffering from exhaustion. His mother works too and has looked after him hand to mouth ever since he was born so I can’t blame him entirely, she still does his ironing, which I chastise her about!! He lives at home but am finding losing respect for him as he never has the drive or initiative to live out for himself or even start to drive a car. His family treat me like a daughter and I admit my boyfriend is a complete rock and loves me unconditionally. Am I asking too much to want a real man whatever that is? I’m currently in a much better job and looking to buy a house, which he thinks he will be moving into. I shudder when I think about it, have discussed these issues with him without success but i can't see anything changing. He has no desire to leave his parent s and live on own so I can't see him at his own devices. I’m a good looking girl, have good friends and look after myself, though now feel like a single parent looking after a child. My friends are in both minds as he is lovely. Sorry for the rant, but I need help and can’t see this objectively.

View related questions: best friend, lives at home, no desire

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2010):

I think you know the answer to this one. When someone else will take responsibility for us there is no incentive to be responsible for ourself. As long as Mum expects nothing from him he will keep on taking from who ever will give.

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A female reader, Delilah Ireland +, writes (11 January 2010):

Delilah is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks for all the replies - this is helping me see everything clearer. All I want is a strong partner/husband who can stand on his own 2 feet, do not want a child to look after. Plus always feeling let down, can see the relationship dying a natural death. Its hard because hes actually the kindest, nicest man I've ever met, as my sis puts it, 'great B/F material, but u need a husband'. I think if I'm even asking myself the question everyday of, 'somethings not right here'then its probably not. Thanks guys...

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2010):

You need to dump him so you can find someone else that will help you run a house and a relationship together, instead of expecting to be waited on all the time. You deserve someone who is going to pitch in, not just lay around playing video games. He sounds like a spoiled brat who needs to grow up before he can be with anybody!!!

You say he loves you unconditionally, but if he really did, then he would be giving 100% to the relationship, just like you are. Don't make the same mistake twice-DON'T move in with him again!

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