A
female
age
16-17,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is very aggressive when we have sex and I'll admit that I am too, but I want it to go farther. It's almost like i want him to rape me... There must be something wrong with me for me to want something like that. He doesn't want to and I don't think that I actually want him to rape me but I have no idea what would make me want something even close to that. Girls fear being raped and it is a horrible experience for women... So why do I want it to happen to me? Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2009): Relax you're fine as everyone else has stated this is actually very common. I think it has a lot to do with the dominance factor. You want to feel like your boyfriend wants you so badly he's just going to take charge and take action to get what he wants. You want him to be dominate and just go for it without having to go slow and methodically follow the usual steps. Very good advice on here so far just let him know what you want him to do and what's off limits and have a safe word as others already stated.
A
female
reader, satindesire +, writes (27 October 2009):
 The "Rape Fantasy" is actually a very common fantasy that many people have, although few will admit it out loud.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape_fantasy
According to the Wikipedia page on Rape Fantasy, "Women engage in sexual fantasies about rape or coercion with apparent frequency. In one study of college-age women, over half had engaged in such fantasies. Some claim that force fantasies in women are a way of handling sexual guilt – of expressing sexual desire without responsibility – but others claim that rape fantasies are simply a variation within a normal range of approaches to female sexuality. [3] Accounts of women exploring the fantasy of raping men are usually confined to feminist literature or fetish communities."
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/brainstorm/200805/why-do-women-have-erotic-rape-fantasies
According to this study, "Research into rape fantasies hasn't been particularly well publicized. Many people don't want to acknowledge that women have them, for fear that the news will incite or excuse real rape: "See? Women want it after all!" But I follow the Kinsey line that it's better to study the disturbing parts of human sexuality than to keep them in the dark."
The article also states:
"•Masochism - The idea that women desire suffering. Women who engage in masochistic sex are more likely to have rape fantasies, but the great majority of women with rape fantasies do not want real rape. Accordingly, masochism may only apply to a small group of women.
•Sexual Blame Avoidance - (See my ex, above.) Women are socialized to not seek out sex lest they be considered tramps, but if they're having sex against their will they can avoid guilt. Studies comparing sexual repression to rape fantasies are mixed and overall don't support the explanation, but they may have been using wrong metrics; sexually repressed women have fewer fantasies overall but they might have a higher ratio of rape fantasies. In any case, this theory would only apply to some women.
•Openness to Sexual Experience - In some ways this is the opposite of the last one, and it doesn't explain rape fantasies so much as it describes the type of person to have them. If you're sexually open, you entertain a greater variety of fantasies. As one study described rape fantasy among these women, it's "just one more expression of a generally open, positive, unrestricted, and relatively guilt-free expression of one's sexuality."
•Desirability - Many women like to believe that they're so attractive that men cannot resist the urge to overtake them. The evidence for this theory is suggestive but not yet conclusive. I did cover a study in Psychology Today last year indicating that women with attachment anxiety (neediness) have more sexual fantasies featuring submission."
So as you can see, the idea of having a rape fantasy is harmless, as long as you establish clear boundaries with your partner. There are many reasons WHY, all of them are common and quite normal, especially if you were raised in a household where sexuality was taboo or considered 'shameful' or 'sinful'.
If you want to try and explore this fantasy with your partner, make sure that he understands that your fantasy is normal and common. He may even have a rape fantasy as well that he has not previously admitted to out of fear and/or embarrassment. Communicate openly with him in a calm and respectful manner without getting emotional, and speak to him about your desire to play out this fantasy. Set your boundaries and a "safeword".
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Safeword
A "safeword" will make sure that if you say "stop" (but really don't want him to stop) that he will continue. However, if he genuinely hurts you past what you desire, or you actually get scared, you need to have a word that you two agree will make the scene STOP entirely, so that he can check and make sure you're okay. A lot of people use the "Traffic light" safeword system.
Red- STOP EVERYTHING NOW!
Yellow- Check on me, something may be painful/uncomfortable/scary
Green- We can continue
Your boundaries should be well thought out and agreed upon. If you don't want him to make you swallow his semen, say so. If you don't want to be blindfolded, speak up. Make sure that everything you don't want to happen is spoken of, and that he promises to you that he WILL honor the safeword no matter what. That is the only way you can guarantee that you both can enjoy the fantasy without harming or frightening each other.
If you have further questions, I'll try and help you.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Moochi  +, writes (27 October 2009):
Hi,
Thats a fetish wrongly interpreted. I would say that to you your boyfriend raping you would mean that he shud find you so irresistible that he will loose his senses and aply force. If this is the case then I dont think there is anything wrong.
But do understand that this might have negetive effects later. There might be a time when you might not be wanting any but he will confuse your denial for your fetish. Making love is a very emotional thing. One should always be careful about those little things which turn into big misunderstanding.
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A
male
reader, rcn + ♥, writes (27 October 2009):
 There's a difference between a fetish of doing this with your boyfriend, and really being violated by someone you don't know, have no intentions of being with, that takes your will of what you want away. So from a fetish end, there's nothing wrong with you. But if you desire the experience of the horror of really being raped, I'd have to question your sanity.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2009): What you want is complete loss of controle. Your a mental masocist with sadistic tendancies. Now actual rape is extreamly traumatic but mondern day literature or literotica has fantasised it ALOT.
If your trying to get a guy to actually rape you then you have a sexual deviation that could end up being a problem but if you just want to be out of control that can be alot of fun. In life day to day we have to be in control. Dont cry over this, dont be mad at your coworker it will ruin your working relations, dont forget your homework you will fail, blah blah blah. Wanting to be out of control is normal what better way then in the bedroom with someone you trust.
Dont force your partner. Some fantasies are better left in the fantasie realm. Its all up to personal distrection.
PLease forgive my spelling I am a psychology major not an english major lol
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A
male
reader, that one kid +, writes (27 October 2009):
You simple have a fetish =) there is nothing wrong with that at all, you are into what you are into. Maybe you can roll play and pretend he is raping you? Or something like that. You would be amazed what some people are into. Just tell your bf this is something you want to try and see what he says. There is nothing wrong with you, cause you want your bf to do it, now if you wanted some random person to do it....... then there would be a problem =/ its just a harmless fetish
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