A
female
age
30-35,
*ve Rose-anne
writes:I am 19 - and have just broken up from a one year relationship - I'm glad to be out of it but now am developing feelings for another guy. But I'm still haunted by what happened between me and my ex, I have lost alot of weight because I feel sick all the time, and find it hard to sleep because when I close my eyes, I see flashed of him on top of me. He didn't rape me - just things went a bit too far and I was very lucky after the fouth or fifth time I said no, that this time he listened. He kept saying things like "be brave for me, - if you loved me you'd do it." and when I pushed my legs together he pulled them apart - I wanted to scream but I was too scared to hardly make a peep. I didn't tell anyone because afterwards I was so shaken by it, I actually forgot the whole incident for a while, like amnesia, till one of my best mates told me my bf had been joking about the incident with him. My bf would ring me up and tell me what his friends thought of me saying no to him, and I was even chased down the street by an old friend of mine who disagreed with my decision - this whole thing has made me feel very fragile and I don't know if I will ever be able to have sex with this new guy I like, or any other one for that matter. I can't tell my family because I'm scared things would get out of hand and its really personal - and it's not like it was actual rape because he did stop - and I don't want to cause him any trouble - and I still feel that it is my fault - and that I couldn't satisfy my ex - I still remember him saying "Your the type of person who if you don't do it now, you never will." I know its emotional blackmail - but the things he said and did to me still haunt me - I woke up crying last night at 5 am after having a dream of him all over me. I feel sick with myself and I don't know what to do - please if anyone can offer any suggestions I really would appreciate them. Thankyou.
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