A
male
age
41-50,
Thundermist04167
writes: I'm doing research for a novel. In this novel, a girl fixes up her older sister with a decent boy. Problem is, as I read the web page about "spotting abusive men," I noted that some of the signs were exhibited by the male character in the book, who is, in fact, decent. I get the point that abusive men are good actors and manipulators. But what if a person really is a good guy, and tries to show kindness to a girl? It seems to me that, one purpose of a bad guy's play-acting is to ruin it for other guys. How do you deal with this? What's a guy to do, if he really is nice, but girls assume he's faking it? Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Thundermist04167 +, writes (3 January 2008):
Thundermist04167 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Oh, that's what you meant. I was thinking along different lines. But, yes, her sister would be practical-minded about boys.
A
female
reader, baby duck +, writes (3 January 2008):
 Well ... by pragmatic, I mean practical ... not given to idealistic romantic notions ... just basic common sense
I think her blind sister could be pragmatic, if that was a trait you wanted her character to have.
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A
male
reader, Thundermist04167 +, writes (3 January 2008):
Thundermist04167 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Actually, her younger sister is blind, so she is definitely not "pragmatic."
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A
female
reader, baby duck +, writes (3 January 2008):
Well ... alrighty then ... so the problem is how is the female character going to figure out that her fear is rooted in her past experience and not some kind of well-tuned radar about all future prospects?
Will she ask the aunts and uncles at this column?
Will she research 'manipulative men' online?
Will her pragmatic younger sister tell her to just 'suck it up and trust (her)' and give the guy a chance?
Keep us posted!
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A
male
reader, Thundermist04167 +, writes (2 January 2008):
Thundermist04167 is verified as being by the original poster of the question I checked the link. In my story, the good guy does not fit anything on the list.
1) He loves children, and wants them someday. (In fact, the book will end with him as a husband and father.)
2) He is a "cat person."
3) He refuses pre-marital sex.
4) He is not "jealous," because he is confident that the girl will eventually come to pick the right guy; if not him, then he accepts it.
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A
male
reader, Thundermist04167 +, writes (2 January 2008):
Thundermist04167 is verified as being by the original poster of the question I checked the link. In my story, the good guy does not fit anything on the list.
1) He loves children, and wants them someday. (In fact, the book will end with him as a husband and father.)
2) He is a "cat person."
3) He refuses pre-marital sex.
4) He is not "jealous," because he is confident that the girl will eventually come to pick the right guy; if not him, then he accepts it.
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A
female
reader, baby duck +, writes (2 January 2008):
Ohhh ... okay. Well, you answer that my friend, and be willing to share that with the women AND MEN that have been emotionally and mentally abused by manipulative people and you may be hailed as some kind of divine creature.
Go to this link and make sure your sweet lead male character is not a sheep in wolf's clothing:http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/Abuser/signs.htm
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A
male
reader, Thundermist04167 +, writes (2 January 2008):
Thundermist04167 is verified as being by the original poster of the question The point is this.
According to that book about "spotting bad guys," a manipulator will pretend to be "nice." But, once he gets the girl, he becomes abusive.
My question was, What if a guy really is nice, and intends to stay that way?
And what if a girl, having been beaten to smithereens by bad guys, can't bring herself to trust anyone?
What's a decent guy to do, if bad guys ruin it for everyone? How can he have any chance to prove himself worthy of trust?
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A
female
reader, baby duck +, writes (2 January 2008):
Could you be more specific about the characteristics? What is it that your decent character is doing, that presumably, indicates that he is manipulative?
It seems to me that a given characteristic has to be judged in two ways: where is it on the spectrum (with normal in the middle and opposite forms of dysfunction at each end) and how does it combine with other characteristics?
For example, males and females with NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) often exhibit different traits. Most women do NOT appreciate a man with a roving eye, flirting with all of the ladies. Many men with NPD view sex as distasteful behavior for lower animals so the fact that they don't have a roving eye and are not flirtatious could actually be misread in their favor. On the other hand, some guy that just needs to realize how much he's hurting his lady with looking like he's always on the prowl may just need to focus on who he's with; he may truly be a loving man that just needs to 'grow up'. How do roving eyes and overly flirtatious combine with other traits?
That's just an example. I am curious to hear what your character's dilemma is.
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