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male
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anonymous
writes: Agony aunts couples, how can two adults re-married that are completely in love allow our sexual pasts to infect, haunt and disturb our thoughts? We both acknowledge that the past is the past and we cant do a thing to change it. But being open as we are, we have given each other details that make us think of us with others in a way we don't want to see. Any advise on how we both can put these type of thoughts out of our minds or surpress them as to not affect our fantastic relationship? My wife, more than me, has more to deal with as it relates to partners and history. When these thoughts pop up in my head, I tell them to leave me alone repeatedly. but the thoughts are always there. We have been together for 8 months. Do you think time will help us heal? Please people, submit a lot of responses so we can get some outside input from similar couples that have the same problems. Thank you all in advance.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2006): My girlfriend has a somewhat sordid past, sleeping with over fifteen men, most one night stands, only two of them being in a relationship. This past sometimes haunts me and I confess, it has caused problems in our relationship but if you love the woman, as I do mine, then you'll realise that she's with you now and that the mind just loves to play tricks on you. Try imagining yourself with her instead, and what good times you've had, both sexually and non-sexual. I've now been with my girlfriend for almost two years and I admit, it does get better with time because it kind've reinforces the fact that she's with you because she wants to be, regardless of her past.
A
male
reader, Cleancut +, writes (20 January 2006):
Even as experienced Adults it amazes me how sensitive we can be regarding images of a lover having "someone else" in "our" sancuary. As hard as is is to beleive that a current lover could treat another the same as you, believe it. It is human nature and as human beings we must accept it. Give each other positive loving afermations and live in the "now", not the past. True love is a wonderful thing and you must constantly feed it energy that creates attraction. If you dwell on old details of the past you are feeding negitive energy that will interfear with the law of attraction and effect your present relationship. If what you have is really special, don't allow yourselves to let this happen.
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