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We have petty arguments, she thinks it's always my fault, I love her, but want these arguments to stop, any suggestions?

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (6 July 2008) 5 Answers - (Newest, 15 June 2009)
A male age 30-35, *ptimist writes:

Ok Well im a 26 yr. old male and have been in a relationship with my 26 yr. old fiancee for 5yrs. 6 yrs. in oct.We also have a 4 yr. old son. We have always had small conflict almost completely throughout the entire relationship but lately i just cant figure out what her problem is. she always wants me to be spontanious and decide where to eat , where to go or even what to do because she always decides. i have no problem with where she wants to eat or what she wants to do . It really doesnt matter because i just want her to be happy. So , when i do come up with suggestions of where to eat or what to do there always seems to be a problem with it ALWAYS. which then turns into an arguement. example : today we were tryin to figure out what to do tomorrow which is sunday. well I came up with the idea to go to the beach , which is very inexpesive and fun. She says " whats wrong with the pool"? I reply "its just not the same" , "I think we would have a good time at the beach". Then she says "we cant ever just agree on something." every fight we have she tells me its always my fault and that im the reasons she is such a b*tch to me. believe me every arguement is always about me being her reason for being in a bad mood. Its just starting to really really make me so unhappy.

Please help I really do love her with all my heart and i just want us to be happy. We are always trying to discuss ways to improve our relationship and I think we need outside help.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009):

Dude.

She is taking you for granted, my partner does the same. Her actions are probably a result of anxiety and a need to feel in control.

Take charge. Be yourself. DONT pander to her every whim, pander to yours. She will respect CONFIDENCE, not you trying to satisfy her.

Try this - next time you suggest something, make sure you are prepared to do it alone. If she has an alternative, politely decline and tell her she is more than welcome to join you. Keep that up. She wont respect you less at all. She will respect you more.

Remember, the person with the most power in the relationship is the one who needs it the least.

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A male reader, RHINOL3 Canada +, writes (15 June 2009):

I am in the same boat. I am deeply in love with my wife to be , but weve been together for 2 years now and we have the same problems. We dont have any kids though, But Ive been to soft our whole relationship and Ive been walked all over now. I have to hurry , shes in the other room and doesnt know Im writing this. I dont know for sure but being married once I know when things are going badly and this is heading that way now....

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A male reader, optimist  +, writes (4 January 2009):

optimist is verified as being by the original poster of the question

optimist agony auntThank you guys a bunch. It might be a lil deeper than that. I have gone so long giving her everything she has ever wanted doing whatever she wants to do and adjusting my feelings and concerns to her.almost 100% of the time. we are so arguementive with each other . why she feels she always has to yell at me, im not sure but im sooooo tired of it. we barely make love anymore and i think im growing cold to fulfilling her emotional needs. its just too much. i feel like it might be too late sometimes to try and change the way things have become or just the way i have done things these past 6 yrs. im so ready to be happy again...(still not from when i posted the question.) things just seem to be getting worse. ive tried to leave but its just so hard to let go of a family with her and my son. i dont know what to do ... especially sense she feels she does nothing wrong in this relationship or she'll not feel mutual about the issues (problems) in our relationship. please i really need some life changing advice. (there she goes yellin at our son like just murded someone. If i intervene it will be a horrible day.)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2008):

hi

You sound great and caring and what a lot of women dream about...but how about just not thinking and deciding what to do the next day...suprise her..just let your feet take you..ITS NOT THE DESTINATION THATS IMPORTANT IT;S THE JOURNEY GETTING THERE...you dont know what will unfold, if we know A.B.C.D WE KNOW WHATS NEXT, THIS CAN BE PRETTY BORING, TAKE HER TO Z BUT DONT TELL HER..IT CAN STILL BE A TRIP TO THE BEACH! i think the issue here is ADVENTURE... you can still make her happy...or maybe she needs to do somthing more spontanious it is not just down to you...your lady can do this aswell. BE IN THE MOMENT..LIFES A PLAYGROUND IF YOU WANT IT TO BE..NEVER GET STUCK IN DULL ROUTINE ITS A ROAD TO NOWHERE.

GOOD LUCK AND DONT WORRY JUST ENJOY LIFE...BOTH OF YOU!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2008):

it sounds to me like you are doing all the work in this relationship, it does take two, and it sounds to me like she is very hard to please, if you havnt already i think you should both sit down and talk about the future, if she isnt happy with you then she should be honest, its not fair on you or your son, why dont you try cooking her a romantic meal, then you can both relax and talk, it could be that she has a bit of depression.

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