A
female
age
51-59,
*M
writes:Need advices from ladies who have dated /are dating Xhosa men (please understand me, dont have anything against any nation). I mm in a relationship with a Xhosa man for nearly 8months now.I love him so much. Things were fine at the beginning until now during the festive season. He has changed and sometimes we even spend two days without talking to each other. W.R.T. sex, we stay about 2-3 weeks without doing it. There is a myth about Xhosa men - that they have too much pride, very arrogant, a woman has to be the one begging all the time, not to be trusted.I dont know if am doing the right thing by not calling him if he does not call me. I used to be the one calling him when i notice that 2 days has passed witout us talking. But now i have stopped. I love this guy so much and dont wanna loose him. I was so happy in the begginning but now am not anymore.I have discussed it it with him but he says he has not changed. THe other thing is that, he has never told me how he feels about me or let me say we dont talk about our feelings. Actions speaks louder than words, but sometimes you someone to say something to you. What must i do? please advice Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Devilish Angel  +, writes (22 January 2008):
 I'm in the same boat. My man doesn't tell me he loves me. He tells me he 'cares'. You have a need to have him tell you he cares or show you that he cares. Talk to him about your concerns and about how independent a modern woman is. You are not the weaker sex and will not act like such. There has to be a middle ground. You are his equal partner, not his slave.
Talk to him about his pride and the way he was raised and such. Tell him you won't consider him weak if he softens towards you.
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