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female
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*untiebunny
writes: ive been 'seeing' this guy for a while but nothing's really happened- we slept together a few times but we havent for like a month- just kissed a bit. it's been going on for about 3 months. tonight we both agreed that we really care about eachother and we fancy eachother but couldnt see ourselves as a couple and agreed to just be friends. thing is i feel so unbelieveably sad now, i cant describe it, i just feel like crap. i dont know whether he just said lets be friends coz i sed i felt like that or whether i sed that coz he sed it too. im so confused, i think my feelings for him are greater than i first thought. i dont know what to do. please help. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2006): Aww, dear-it sounds like you pinned a lot of hopes on this becoming so much more. And those hopes were dashed. I think your sadness stems from the fact that you got intimately close to him and nothing has panned out. I am sorry for your despondency over all this. Sometimes people forget that 'sex does drive the heart' for some of us. This is why sex is precious and should be given only when one is assured that respect and love exist between them and a potential beloved. This is why many people become sooo sad when things don't work out well, with a person they had a few sexual encounters with.
Then there is that dreaded possibility he really didn't want the committment to begin with. Could it be that you mistook having sex with him as him giving you his affections and love? I have always said that when a man wants a women, he'll do anything to let her know how he feels. I have seen the most bashful, quietest guys turn into quite the bold charmers when pursuing a women he deeply cares about. Sigh...this guy did not do that. I really think you need to readjust your methods of dating and look to changing how you interact with potential love interests. First, become emotionally connected as caring, good friends and then when the time is right, experience the intimacy, preferably when you both are assured that the connection and bond is solid.
Please don't be too hard on yourself. You need to stop thinking about this guy who gave you only small bits of his time, here and there. You may want to keep focused and rethink what exactly you want in a loving, committed relationship and hold out for it. There are plenty of wonderful, men out there who are looking for commitment and love. Go find them and remember..hold out and only save the physical stuff for someone who loves you, who cares about you and who will appreciate the precious gift you are bestowing on them. Best of luck, dear and take care of yourself.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2006): Sounds to me the only thing you can really do is let him know how you feel... in some way or another.
You never know - he might be feeling the same way. You're only going to find out by asking him. I wouldn't be afraid, you don't have to be too blatant. Just contacting again after what you have agreed should be an indication that you do in fact like him. Good luck!
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female
reader, Aunt Ivy +, writes (10 May 2006):
Hi, I think that you are probably both a bit shy!
I also think that you are both frightened of taking the relationship further in case you lose the special friendship that you have.
You need to talk to each other and be honest with each other. Find out what you both realy want before you lose each other!
Good Luck!
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