A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for over two years and everythings great except our sex life. I am 21 sooo i am old enough to have sex and have in the past with my ex-boyfriend, but with my current boyfriend, i just can't get to that point with him to have sex. No matter what we try i can not get turned on enough or in the mood to want to have sex. I don't know what to do because i want to, but when it comes to that time i completely lose it.
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male
reader, Asexy +, writes (19 October 2007):
 It sounds like you're remembering the pain from his size when you did try. So try this: for now, not for ever, sex itself (him inside you) is off the table. The two of you should touch each other and take pleasure in that, until you both know what really feels good. After a while, you can work back up to sex, when you're not worried about it hurting.
You'll need to talk to him A LOT, before, during and after sex, about what feels good and what doesn't. He's going to have to know your body better than you know it yourself, so that he can get your excited enough to allow him to enter. The vagina can accommodate all sizes (someday it can accommodate a baby) given the correct circumstances. And for you it means TONS of foreplay and the ability to relax. So take it very slowly.
Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2007): Ok, so it is a question of his size? It may be possible that the two of you are not a good fit, I don't know for sure, but it does happen and if that is the case, then it is a real problem....More likely though is that you can accommodate him if fully aroused.
Your boyfriend needs to learn how to give you a lot of foreplay and bring you almost to orgasm so that your vagina will expand...inserting a couple of fingers first will help too....if you are not well lubricated (you will be if he is doing it right and long enough) then use some lubricant....ask him to be gentle with thrusting at first until you really get going....Try this, communicate and things will work out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks so much for your comments and suggestions!!!!!!!! :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2007): Hi loss of libido can be caused by other things besides lack of chemistry. It could be hormonal imbalance, as in being on the birth control pill often kills sexual desire for many women, or it could even be depression.
I would first start by talking to your doctor candidly, if it is the pill he can suggest trying a different type or some other form of birth control method, and if you are feeling depressed or anxious at all, anti-depressants may be in order.
You did not mention that you do not desire your boyfriend or are unhappy with your relationship, so I am thinking you need a check up.....also someone suggested counseling, it may help to help you understand what is going on to lower you desire, even low self esteem or unresolved past hurts may be at play.
Don't despair, you just need to consult the professionals for some help...and things will improve one way or the other.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHeyy yeah it confuses me because i am not sure why i do not get turned on, i mean we have such a great time when we are together, but i just loose the mood and can't get my head into it and i'm not sure why and if theres anything i can do.
the only thing is that he is large and in the begining of our relationship we tried and it just really hurts.
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A
female
reader, little miss fix it  +, writes (12 October 2007):
Hi there,i dont think theres much i can say but sounds to me the chemistry is not there for you,if hes not turning you on its not a good sighn.Do you fancy your boyfriend?is there any other reason why your not getting turned on?get back to me and il try my best to help.x x x
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