A
female
age
36-40,
*h-ha
writes:Hello there, I've been dating a great man for 2 years now but as my other friends are getting married (and I have no intention of doing so anytime soon) I wonder if my guy proposed what would I say...And it would probably be no, and I'd be off running. It doesn't say much does it? I love him, he loves me, and right *now* our relationship is great. It has it's normal issues but we deal with them just fine. But what about those fundemental issues that will creep up when push comes to shove? *I'm well travelled, I love travelling, with unlimited funds I'd continue backpacking around the world in hostels...VS...he's spoiled, hates hostels, only does luxery holidays, isn't particularly interested in travel. *I've grown up in a few countries and right now find myself in the UK. I don't plan to live there for the rest of my life, in fact I would be very unhappy doing so...VS...He's British, and wouldn't be happy anywhere else. * I'm happy doing my own thing, don't really like being surrounded by big groups of 'friends', having a family isn't really a big priority...VS...He's social, needs people around him all the time, big on friends+hangers on and wants a big family. I could go on but I feel these are the three most important issues. They're all causing doubt to creep into my mind and poison my feelings about this relationship. I know the future is all hypothetical but I don't want to feel like I'm wasting my time on this. It'll hurt a lot less to split up now than in 5 years time.Any advice?
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female
reader, abbeymom  +, writes (27 August 2008):
 Best advice. Talk to him about how you feel. I mean really talk to him just like you did when explaining your feelings while asking your question.
You know as women we worry so much about men think (especially those we are in relationships with). We worry what they will say. How they will feel about what we say. Will they leave and so forth.
I figured out a long time ago to just be true to yourself when dealing with love. Ask for what you want. Explain how you feel. Be ready to accept responsibility when you are at fault and to point out when they are in a friendly manner. Fighting is pointless.
You will never know what to do if you don't truly discuss how you feel with this man. Only then will you be able to really gain insight to what you want.
I will say this though. Being with someone who is on the same (page as you) so to speak is kinda important. Compromise is important. Trying new things is important. Perhaps you will stay in a hotel if you travel since he doesn't like hostels, and he will understand you don't want marriage yet.
I loved someone who wasn't on the same page as me. I didn't want marriage with him after a while. He didn't want it at all. Then I met my husband and my goodness I couldn't wait to marry him.
Perhaps this man isn't for you. But you won't know until you divulge all your feelings and let the cards lie where they fall.
~ Abbeymom
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