A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Would you be concerned if another female called a guy babe? A guy that you've been seeing for nearly 6 months? We aren't committed I guess,we've never really had the talk...we just see each other often and do couples type things together. Even took a vacation together, and are also sexually active. So its like we are the definition of a couple,without the name tag or something.But I've turned other dates down because I'm just not the type to date more than one person....and now I feel like maybe I should have went on dates with other people,because it looks like he has been.Since we aren't actually "together" or whatever.....should I even care? I mean,I do care but I feel like maybe I shouldn't.But I also feel like he should have said "hey,its ok for us to see other people too". Or something to that effect, so that things would have been clear. I'm kind of hurt,but don't know if I'm over-reacting. Would you feel upset over something like this,in this situation? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2009): I see he's a player and you are being his sex toy.
You're doing him, and only him, conspicuously without a commitment from him likewise. So he can play around with other women at the same time.
When you eventually catch him at it, he'll probably claim not to have understood that you assumed exclusivity on his part. Or that he didn't promise it so you should have assumed it wasn't there. (But then why did he take the trouble of keeping it on the down-low? If you ask him he will probably deny that he purposely hid another girl from you, he just "didn't think you'd wanna see it.")
Technically this means that you could be sleeping with other men right now too. But you won't really do it, and he probably knows you won't. So that's why he doesn't bother to spell out "yes we're committed" with you yet. He gains more by not calling it out yet.
Try saying or doing something to lead him to think that you've had another sex buddy on the side for months already. Watch him hit the roof. When he flips, say "were we committed to each other? You didn't wanna say it all this time, so I assumed i was free to date others." Take things from there.
A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries  +, writes (14 July 2009):
 well you say you aren't in a relationship as none of you discussed it so in a way you guys are just seeing eachother which is doing EVERYTHING relationship wise without the tag of relationship therefore he can date other women.
on the other hand he should of told you what he saw this type of relationship as in his eyes so you did know.
so i don't think really you're over reacting, because he should of mentioned the exclusiveness of how he percieved the relationship and made you aware of the situation.
i think i would be very much like you and feel upset over the situation because i'd probably feel like an idiot!
not saying you are! just how i would feel because i'd think i could of dated these other guys as well as him!
hope this helps.
x ilovebowsandcherries x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2009): This is a difficult situation, on one hand there was nothing concrete to say he couldn't date other people as you hadn't made your relationship exclusive, on the other hand if he's dating other people then it leads to the question about how serious he is about your relationship. So I can understand your feelings.
Personally I don't date other people when I'm with someone even if it hasn't been made "official". I only have room for one girl in my heart and in my bed. If I were in your shoes I'd be upset too, I'd ask myself what do I really want from this relationship and then discuss it with my partner to see if they're on the same page.
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