A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I really feel sad about the situation now. She has been wanting to brake up with her bf of 4 years but she is scared. She broke up with him many times but she patched back with him by force, her bf forced her. Now she is saying she likes me but scared to move on because she is afraid that the matter would become worst and she is saying her bf won't let go of her that easily. I have waited for her sincerely for many months now and I really love her. I told her I'll be there for her no matter what and she wouldn't let me talk to her bf because she thinks it'll end up in a big fight. I'm really concerned about her and I really want her in life... I really need some help... Thanks!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2009): i feel sorry for you because i am a female who has a guy in your same position. my boyfriend is terribly attached to me in such a way that i am incapable of leaving him. the truth is i like him a lot despite all the bad treatment. it's true this girl is keeping her true feelings from you. because she knows your the only chance she has right now to be happy.you are being used. if you want her you gotta give her the ultimatum. you or him..,you will be shocked to see the results. i let go of my special guy to stay with the jerk,but i love him. i just don't wanna see you get hurt over someone who isn't worth it. give her the chance to see how life without you will be and she will hopefully inform the authorities of her problem and do what she has to do for her happiness.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2009): *"especially seeing as he doesn't" = "especially seeing as she doesn't"
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2009): I forgot to mention the rebound factor too, if you think her leaving him for you, without time to get over him in between is gonna work then you're sorely mistaken. I'm afraid that starting a new relationship directly after leaving a four year relationship only works out well in movies.
It can take years to recover from such a relationship, especially seeing as he doesn't seem that strong willed enough to let him go.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2009): I think you should forget about this girl, there's too many issues here for you to sort out and if I'm honest it doesn't sound like they ever will.
Believe it or not it's highly likely that having someone like you to run to when she needs a break from her boyfriend actually makes it easier for her to stay with him.
It sucks that she's in this kind of situation with her boyfriend but that's a problem she has to sort out herself, honestly there is no way someone can force another to be with them like that unless they still wanted to in some way.
I'm not saying any of this as some kind of attack on this girl but this situation is not good for you, if I was in that situation I'd be suspicious of why someone would stay with someone else for four years if they really didn't want to be, to me that seems implausable in the extreme, so personally I think she's either lying and playing games with you or she's not telling you the full extent of her feelings for him. Either way you're helpless in all this and the longer you continue like this the more hurt you will get.
No matter what you do, 4 years is a hell of a long time to be with someone so he'll most likely be a part of her life for good and I hate to say this but if she really wanted you instead then none of this would matter, she'd be with you now. I was in a situation like this before and it took me a while to realize she was using me for an emotional fix that her boyfriend didn't give her, she didn't do it on purpose but that was the end result, that was 6 years ago and she still has him as a "friend" they still sleep together sometimes too and she hasn't been able to maintain a stable relationship ever since.
Move on now is my advice.
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