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male
,
anonymous
writes: My girlfriend of three months recently told me about her sexual experience, and it's driving me insane. I knew that she'd had a lot of partners before, and I was ok with that. But when she told me about all the things she's done, it upset me.She's the only girl I've ever been with, and I feel like it cheapens everything we have together. I want sex to be something that's new and exciting to both of us. I can accept that it can't be. But she's done so much that there's nothing I can do that will be new or exciting for her.Have you any advice on how to get over it? I know it's immature of me to be thinking about it, but I can't stop thinking about her having sex with all those other guys, and it makes me feel pathetic knowing that I will never be as good in bed as any of the guys she's been with before.
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male
reader, tux  +, writes (27 March 2006):
 That is always a big dilemma which I face as well. From the sound of it, you seem to care about how she feels, which is part of the puzzle for you to satisfy her. which of course that has a downside, you'd always ask yourself this question,"was I good enough for her?"
Look at the big picture, do you love her? Does she love you? do you have fun together? don't focus too much on the smaller things like sex. Sex is just part of the picture.
On a side note in regards to sex with the sexes:
When it comes to the sexes there is advantages and disadvantages..
I don't know personally but from my knowledge it's been said that females don't reach orgasm as much and can be harder to reach than males. that after all is the goal of sex beyond procreation. When she does reach orgasm it is better than no orgasm. And guys then always have to worry about giving her multiple orgasms. Face it guys, we always have a tall order to fill. whereas guys normally are easier to get to orgasm.. some easier than others.
Disadvantages for females:
Not as many orgasms
Advantage: Not as many orgasms which when you do get one it's special.
better chance to have multiple orgasms.
Advantage for guys: more often than not reach orgasm.
Disadvantage : cheapens the orgasm a bit. of course though, there is still better orgasms but well..
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2006): This is an interesting question, and a real paradox we have worked ourselves into. The sexual revolution has produced some emotional fallout, that a lot of people have a hard time dealing with...I was one of them. Many people try to explain it away by saying..."Better that she is experienced", or some lame answer like that. This is really not a good rationale to take...it just creates additional questions like "Am I Good Enough", and so on. If you weren't good enough, she would probably move on to someone else, maybe she has even found something in you that transcends sex...remember, sex is only one piece of the puzzle! If you are really interested in her, give the relationship time...sex might not even be the issue...you might find that you can't stand each other for other reasons.
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A
female
reader, vixsfix +, writes (19 March 2006):
 If your girl is a decent girl, then the thought probably hasn't even crossed her mind that your inexperienced and that your not as good, the point is your together, if there is a problem she would have said?Did she know that you were a virgin, to us that can be a great thing its very empowering and sexy to know that you can be moulded into our perfect lover!Sex is a symbol of love and fun, lose ur inhibitions and just have fun, if you can't shake the problem then you're going to have to talk to her, but be gentle or it might sound as if you're accusing her of being a slag.Good luck mate and have fun!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2006): If you really love her, then I have to believe that almost her entire experience with you is new and exciting. Sex for the sake of sex is not the same as being in love and having sex as a part of the total relationship. As for her having sex with, "all those other guys," isn't it odd how men (throughout the ages) have expected women to cope with their (male) sexual hijinks? Well, this is the 21st century, and from what I can tell, you're not going to be the only man whose significant other has had a wealth of previous lovers. Also, would you prefer that she comes to you still wondering about having relationships with other men, or is it perhaps better that she already knows what she wants? Communicate with her about what she desires and do your best to fulfill those desires (practice makes perfect). One more thing: if you're not man enough to deal with her sexual history, write her off (but only after you've acquired "rights" to an infant bride...and one you'll be able to keep cloistered until the both of you are ready for a monogamous lifestyle).
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