A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:What do you do with a girl who is always telling you her problems and asks you for help with things, like with favors or for advice, and yet doesn't want to be involved with you romantically and is interested in other people? Is it wrong to want more and to say, look i can't invest so much energy in this relationship anymore unless we are dating? Or is that selfish??? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for you advice. It all really helped a lot.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2011): You are just a friend to her. She has no romantic inclination to you. You are spinning your wheels with her and going nowhere.
Selfish???? that you want love and a relationship???? You are the ultimate doormat, sacrificing your happiness in hopes that maybe she will one day wake up and realize that a wonderful guy was around all this time and I was oh so blind not to see that.
Stop being a doormat. She has no respect for your romantic feelings.
CUT ALL CONTACT. Find a girl that feels the same way about you.
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A
female
reader, JDinCali +, writes (18 February 2011):
 She wants to be a "friend", but you want to date her. That's incompatibility = no deal. Unless she decides to pay you an hourly rate to listen to her vent.
Reiterate how you feel and if she's persistently uninterested, move on. It's not fair to allow yourself to be treated as something less than what you deserve. In other words, you're putting yourself through unnecessary emotional distress.
Sounds like she's a self absorbed sponge on a soap box soaking up all your attention. You don't want someone like that in your life, everything will be melodramatic and their way or no way.
In summary: You're not her therapist, or one of her girlfriends. If she really cared about you, she wouldn't take advantage of your kindness. This is a bullet you should dodge. Run away!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2011): It seems she doesn't like you in that way and only sees you as a friend, so it doesn't matter whether it's selfish or not to ask for more as it will NEVER work out if that is the case.
She'll either just stop seeing you or if she's an exceptionally insecure person will start dating you but ONLY in order to continue receiving advice & favours, not because she loves or fancies you.
You could try flirting a little bit or talking about how you feel, on the off chance she does feel the same for you. If she doesn't then you have to decide whether you still want her as a friend anymore. If you do, set some boundaries and try to gently tell her you're not there to be her personal counsellor.
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