A
male
age
36-40,
*yshkin
writes:Please tell me what is going on. I met this wonderful girl. She is like no one I have ever met before. And, I enjoyed talking with her more than any girl before, and I can't imagine that I could ever meet anyone where everything she says or even just the sound of her voice makes me smile like she does. But, here is where the problem starts. She has a chronic illness thats very painful at times. It worries her constantly causing her anxiety. She says that it wouldn't be fair to me if we dated. That even though no matter how much I have no problem with her being sick, I don't understand what would be expected of me. There is nothing that she would expect of me that I wouldn't readily offer, so naturally I didn't understand what she was talking about. So despite the fact that I felt that there was a mutual attraction, in frustration I expressed what amounts to that she was just telling me that to get rid of me, and that she could of been up front about it. That actually kind of made her mad I think. She said that she wasn't lieing just to get rid of me, but that she didn't have anything to offer me and that I deserved better. This absolutely tore me up. The whole time I had felt that had nothing to offer this beautiful creature that had so enthralled me. Then, when I found out that there was something that I could offer, my compassion, she tell me that she can't for my sake. I felt bad about what I said earlier and tried to make apologies. We didn't speak for about two weeks then she up and calls me. Just the sound of her voice lightened my soul for a little while. Now, I can't stop thinking about her even more. I want to be there for her. How do I make her realize that me being there for her won't be a sacrifice to me, but a gift freely given. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Myshkin +, writes (28 February 2009):
Myshkin is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlright let me clarify a few things. It is not a terminal illness or very debilitating. That's part of why I can't understand, and it leaves me utterly confused. Even so, I agree with satindesire, and I have tried focus my romantic attraction elsewhere with an almost hectic purpose. I haven't pushed the matter with her. I know that I can't make someone want to get into a relationship. I am not a foolish as that. I guess that I am just frustrated that after years of looking for someone a little different to start a relationship with, that when I finally find someone that I could, something that is just part of life stands in the way.
A
female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (28 February 2009):
 She is trying to protect both yourself and her from a heartbreak. Is her illness terminal, or debilitating?
If you wanted to know up close and personal about standing by, caring for, and feeling the helpless because you wanted to take away their pain and suffering but you could not ... all you need to do is go to the nearest hospital in the terminally ill ward (cancer and stuff). Talk to the parents/spouses. Talk to the patients. Or if you had time, volunteer some of your time there. Then you may understand why she said it would not be fair to you.
But, if you think you are strong enough to support her with your love and compassion, go for it! She has already shown you how strong she is ... are you as strong as she is? Who does not want to be loved and to love? You have already felt how hard it is to not be loved by her ... imagine how hard it must be for her too when she knows that there is love for her but her illness may put a strain in a relationship if the other person is not strong enough?
Even if you cannot be her lover, she would still appreciate a strong friendship from you. My eyes are already watering from just writing this.
Good luck! You are a good and generous person.
Cat
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