A
male
age
41-50,
*urgundyfan
writes:I have been dating a woman on and off for six months. The first four were bliss then she got scared and we spilt for a month, and recently got back together, and after two weeks of bliss, she left again, saying she does not know how to handle how deep we are and if she can really handle and want this. Everyone who knows her says she has never been this happy or treated this well. Also, she is dealing with the split of her parents and her alcoholic father for many years who left for a mistress. I have never loved anyone as much as her, what do I do and how can I make her understand that she does deserve to be happy, when she does not believe that she does?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, somewhat_anonymous +, writes (14 August 2007):
An all too familiar question. In most of my break ups what came out more often than not has been that I trreated her too well. I'm sure you have heard of the fear of success and that is what this is. You also mention that her father is an alcoholic and often, alcoholics can be abusive emotionally and/or physically. Even if not, you are a complete change from that and she is not used to that. What is unknown is often scary and uncomfortable - a large part of a fear of success. I am not sure how much advice I can give, but hopefully this gives you some insight into the psychology. The only advice I can give is that perhaps you need to slow things down a bit if she is saying it is "too deep" right now. Back off a little and ease into it.
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