A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i've been in a relationship with my collegemate for 2yrs now..he's gone to london to further his studies..we made several arrangments n promises to stay together, etc. it's been 2months of long distance relationship, we've had a few minor adjustment problems but nothing we cant solve. i love him so much, but suddenly, he starts to think and not sure if he loves me. what do i do? i still love him and i am sure this is just a transitional problem.
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male
reader, Asexy  +, writes (7 November 2007):
 Well, I can tell you what my long-distance sweet heart and I did when we were separated by college, but it doesn't work for everyone. Read through to the end, rather than just deciding it's not for you, please. Start dating other people.
Here are the ground rules: (1) everyone that either of you dates must know that there is another relationship -- any guy you go out with knows you're also dating someone who's far away, and any girl he goes out with knows about you. (Anything else isn't honest). (2) make sure any sex you have with your beau or anyone else (and him with anyone else) involves a condom. Now that you're not exclusive this is crucial. (3) no details about the other dating. When you're together, the rest of the world doesn't exist. You know it happens, but there's no reason to dwell on it. (4) No jealousy.
If either of you can't follow rule number (4) then I really DON'T recommend this -- it's just a way to be seriously unhappy. But it did work for my college relationship and me.
(After college we lived together for 2 years and it turns out we weren't right together, but at least we knew, right?)
It may be that the thought of you dating anyone else will bring this into focus, he'll hate it, and he'll want to come right back to you. It could also be that he'll think it's a great idea. And he could either get it out of his system and know he loves you best, or he could fall for one of his others.
But remember, in this case, you'll be dating too. You won't be alone waiting by the phone for him to call. And maybe while dating others you'll get over him and be able to move on.
This solution doesn't work for everyone. And I'm sure my rating on this site will take a hit for even suggesting it, lol. But if you and he can follow the ground rules then it's actually a healthy way for the two of you to find out who you both are.
Doesn't the saying go: "If you love something, set it free. If it returns, it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was."
Best of luck to you hon. Let us know how it goes.
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