A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi. this is long but i really need some advice...i was wondering if anybody had any ideas what else i can do to help my friend. she is 22 and we share a flat together at uni where we are studying to be nurses. she is really beautiful and a nice girl but she seriously lacks any self respect. she regularly goes out drinking (and when i say drinking i mean binge drinking to the point she can barely walk) and she brings strange men back to the flat and has very loud unprotected sex with them. She has even had 3 different men that she doesnt know within 24hours.im scared not only for her sexual health but also her general health (because of her drinking) and im scared that one day she will come across a man who may seriously hurt her or something. ive already had to sit with her through 4 pregnancy scares (ive only known her for 6 months) And also she is putting her career at risk with her behaviour. Ive told her up front exactly what i think of her behaviour and she didnt speak to me for a long time. she eventually confronted me and told me that im not being a friend because im not supporting her for who she is. am i being a bad friend? i live with her so cant just sit back and let her bring strange men into our home, especially when they are making so much noise i cant sleep when i have shifts to do. its affecting my uni work too. ive thought about moving flats but cant afford to. what would you do in my situation???any help will be gratefully received...im at my wits end!!
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female
reader, Gridrebel  +, writes (19 February 2010):
 Well, you can't stay in this situation. Are you sure you couldn't trade rooms with someone? Also, why don't you tell her you can't live in these conditions and ask HER to move on? Maybe she isn't there for the education. Tell her that you're there to learn. Also, it isn't your job to babysit her. She is living the life of O'Reilly and your feeling the shame, guilt and responsibility??? Get a backbone. You're paying for your education or part of it I assume. Get the most out of it and tell her to shape up or ship out. Make it uncomfortable for her (and her liasons) to be there.
A
female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (19 February 2010):
 What she is doing really is not healthy, but it may be just a phase she is going through and feels the need to get it out of her system.
Tell her that you're only looking out for her best needs and you would hate to see her be hurt. Also remind her that she's possibly hurting the man who will become her husband (if she plans to marry in the future).
She is also hurting her future, as in her career and her health. So, remind her and ask her if she thinks a night of binge drinking and unprotected one night stands is really worth seeing it all go down the drain.
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