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female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: Think I know the answer to this question already BUT HERE GOES. I`ve a boyfriend that I`ve been seeing for 3 years or so but the relationships never progressed beyond great sex and nights out. This was all I wanted any man for a long time as I had previously been through a bad time with my husband who i split from and who eventually went on to commit suicide. Understandably I didn`t want to get close with anyone. Don`t get me wrong he is very kind and spoils me when I see him, generally once per week as we both have demanding careers, but I am at the stage where I need a life partner. I also have 3 teenagers and a 9 year old. What should I do ?? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, childof1981  +, writes (2 January 2007):
 You should take some time and reflect on your relationship. If when you began the relationship you both agreed that it would not be a serious comitted relationship, then you may have a problem. Overall if you want more than this guy can provide, you should break things off and move on.
You need have a serious discussion with your partner about how your needs from a relationship have changed. Tell him that you need something more long term and serious than what you currently have. Below are two things that you should make clear.
First, that you do not expect him to feel the same way, and that you will understand if he does not want to alter the relaionship. Second, if he does not want to take things to a more serious level you will have to move on. But make sure that it comes off as "If we have different long term needs from this relationship it will not work for either of us." and not "If you don't commit, it's over!".
Really, just make it clear that he will be doing neither of you a favor if he lies about taking things to the next step just to save the relationship.
In general I can't see any issues you children would pose in this situation. If any arise I think most of them are old enough to realize that you are both their mother and an independent person. With a little discussion they should be able to understand that desisions about your relationships are part of "you as a person" and not "you as their mother".
A
male
reader, childof1981 +, writes (2 January 2007):
You should take some time and reflect on your relationship. If when you began the relationship you both agreed that it would not be a serious comitted relationship, then you may have a problem. Overall if you want more than this guy can provide, you should break things off and move on.
You need have a serious discussion with your partner about how your needs from a relationship have changed. Tell him that you need something more long term and serious than what you currently have. Below are two things that you should make clear.
First, that you do not expect him to feel the same way, and that you will understand if he does not want to alter the relaionship. Second, if he does not want to take things to a more serious level you will have to move on. But make sure that it comes off as "If we have different long term needs from this relationship it will not work for either of us." and not "If you don't commit, it's over!".
Really, just make it clear that he will be doing neither of you a favor if he lies about taking things to the next step just to save the relationship.
In general I can't see any issues you children would pose in this situation. If any arise I think most of them are old enough to realize that you are both their mother and an independent person. With a little discussion they should be able to understand that desisions about your relationships are part of "you as a person" and not "you as their mother".
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