A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok guys... in advance, thanks if you can help me. I just have so many feelings that I think I'm going to burst, and I don't know where to start.This isn't exactly about a relationship but about a dream that means everything to me. I feel like it's too late for my dream ever to come true. I know that people will judge me, but they don't understand what it means to me. I have friends, most of whom are a little younger than me, who are musicians. I love them dearly and pray for their happiness every day... but sometimes I see their success in music and even though I am really happy for them, my heart still hurts because I feel like my dream passed me by and it's too late.I'm 32 and I've played music since I was 14... guitar and bass guitar. I have always wanted to be a ''real'' musician. Longed for it with all my heart. I don't care about fame, fortune, etc. ALL I wanted was to have a band of my own and be good enough to play for real audiences and get paid for it. People say that I could still do that as a hobby but it makes me crazy... so many people I know are playing in bands for audiences and the thought of sitting in my basement playing scales and going to silly open mike nights and local bars is unbearable. I want a real band and I want to play for a real audience so much that I feel like my heart is going to burst. Well, my best friend is a musician. He's a brilliant musician but he's also a wonderful friend and I love him with my whole heart, I'd die for him (not kidding). He's a FRIEND, nothing more, but I love him to pieces. I have always loved playing music... but the thing is he's in a successful band now. He's also doing a musical project with me. I am so happy for him because I want good things for him. But, I guess I feel left behind now. I love playing music with him and the thought of not doing that anymore just breaks my heart, but how can he be successful if he plays music with me, at my age? I feel sad because I feel left behind and worry that I won't be able to play music with these friends of mine anymore. I feel overcome with guilt, because I know I care for my friend but feel like a horrible person for feeling envy. I tell him everything but don't know if I should tell him how I'm feeling. I don't want to spoil his happiness. People are going to tell me to get over this, but I want to be a successful musician so bad that I feel like my heart is just going to explode. But, I'm 32 years old and I understand that if you're past the age of 30 and still haven't had a band or played for an audience, that it's too late and can never happen.Playing scales alone in my house or going to a silly open mike night at a local bar isn't good enough! I want so much to have a band and play for a real audience... and it's killing me because I feel like my dream has passed me by. Should I tell my friend how I'm feeling? Am I a horrible friend? Like I said I really AM happy for him but at the same time my heart is breaking because I feel left behind and brokenhearted that my dream of being a musician has passed me by. How can I ever be happy when my dream can never come true and I can't get over it?I can accept an honest answer,whatever that is. But I don't know how I can be happy without music in my life. I never got married or had children and I guess it's ridiculous to have a relationship at my age... I have a full-time job and a couple of pets, but those are my only big responsibilities.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2011): Rianireland!
That's such a thoughtful and long answer and I just wanted to say thanks. I am still a little discouraged but your answer is a silver lining in this cloud, you took so much time to help me, a stranger.
P.S. I think Ireland must be awesome and I hope to go there someday. I love Mexico but I have always longed to go to Ireland... I'm from the USA but always loved Irish and Latin cultures.
Thanks again for everything. Like we say in Mexico, echale ganas. :) I hope that things work out for you, too.
A
female
reader, natmarie  +, writes (25 October 2011):
 I know how you feel. it is heartbreaking. I am a 43 year old singer songwriter who has never made it, and has the material to make it; It rips you apart. PM me if you fancy a chat :o). xx
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A
male
reader, Rianireland  +, writes (24 October 2011):
Hi, I have played guitar, fiddle and sang since I was a 7 year old, my mother and her family all come from a very Irish traditional music background and with what little money she had as a single mother, anything spare she put me though music course relgiously, I guess she hoped that I´d follow her dreams and make something of myself and or family. I am 21, have been busking and playing open mic nights when I still lived in Ireland since I was around 12 or at parties etc, trying to follow an inherited dream( and I have felt down, and felt I was losing more ground the futher I progess, TRUST ME, I know it is depressing) and too no real avail, I would be paid for preformances and would give a fair equal cut to anyone whom playd with me regardless if they played the tin whistle for a few bars a song. I admit with the current shit music labels are shitting out, it is becoming increasing more diffiucult for anyone with an inch of talent to be seen. It is more image than anything. This has disheartened myself terribly. I neither what too be on tabloid newspapers for smoking a joint or picking my noise, who in the right mind would. What would be satisfactory for yourself in level of achievement is what you should be aiming, what music genre do you fall into, what are its chances of getting attention( my best chance is with a small label due to the music I am good at, I could change, play pop love songs, but why sign my heart away?) It is all about the means of distrubution theses days and we have the internet as our weapon, myspace etc get your friends to add and like you, its not hard to do that. Keep playing with your friend whom is doing well at every chance, it will draw attention to yourself. Unless you want to be a pop artist like Lady Gaga etc you need the youthful appearance or something that makes journalist at tabloid shitty newspaper take notice. Your age if your music is good shouldn´t curtail you (logical but its nasty business), We have an expression in Ireland, aa fine whiskey gets better with age (maturity), maybe busking outside underground label headquaters would do it(I´ve done it, got the police oo come and remove me, but dont let that hold you back, in Ireland there is a million young trad musicians like I), some day your free ,just blast your ten best songs out, repeat and keep going, you will grab their attention in some way, go on every music website, myspace, bandcamp and busk your ass off in the artist areas of your town, keep playing with your friend, and keep the heart and passion go, don´t let the fuckers say your past the mill, I have had people say ´focus on your education and play for a hooby´since I was two foot tall. I ran an artist collective in Ireland at 19 too some success all I can say is take very opportuntiy you have...even play in front of 10 people, one of those people could be anyone( and the more I have given of my heart I have got more back, despite many disillusional bumps on the way)...keep hope and keep trying...thats what I am doing. I am going back to Ireland for many reasons as my question I asked earlier will show (I signed up today as my head is exploded in a different way can do with serious advice as well). Never surrender to the void...that will kill you, always hold on too your dreams, its something to aspire too and your not old and never too old to achieve, as cliche as that sounds....Good luck!
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